This Nose Knows
by Irrespective
Summary: Get nosey with Celestia? Check. Marry Celestia? Check check. Run and defend a prosperous country, be a Prince, lead millions in wisdom and might, and not commit a huge social faux pas in high society? Gonna have to get back to you on that.
1. - The News is Out

he Changeling Kingdom - or 'Wuvy-Duvy Smoochy Land,' if you were near Queen Chrysalis - was a remote and desolate place out on the furthest edge of the Badlands. It wasn't the kind of a place a pony would willingly go to, even if they did know where it was, thanks to the lack of foliage and the peculiar smell that was reminiscent of old hoof clippings, unwashed socks, year-old cheese and tomatoes. However, it was home now for the Queen and her drones, and all about were the sounds and sights of construction as the worker drones slaved and stewed under a hot sun to bring about their Queen's wishes for a grand castle.

Not all of the changelings were tasked with construction, however, and one particular drone who was known by the name of Bob stood idly by the main entrance to the new castle and watched his fellows labor as he waited. It was almost time for the mailmare to make her biweekly delivery, and the morale of the hive depended on everybug getting their letters, newspapers and magazines. If he should fail in his duties, the results would be…

He shuddered. It was best he not think about that.

"She's not here yet?"

"Mandible," Bob groaned and facehooved while his obnoxious 'partner' approached him, "asking me over and over again won't make her show up."

"But you know how _she_ gets when it's late. I had to clean out the larva pits for two weeks last time."

"I don't know what to tell you. Maybe next time you'll read the job description first before you apply for an open position."

"Hey, the post stinks but I get vision and dental included with my medical, plus a 7 percent match on 401(k) contributions. Another thirty years and I'll be able to buy my own cave network."

"Wait, what? You get a seven percent match? I only get five! I'm gonna have to talk to H.R. about that."

"Good luck. You're going up against Coxa and Trochanter."

"What? I thought Ocelli was in charge."

"Before the invasion. Our Queen 'relieved him of duty' and put the other two in not long after we settled in here."

"Well, I should just forget it then."

"Hey, at least you get something," Mandible replied, but then he pointed out a grey spot that had appeared on the horizon. "And it looks like my abdomen is safe."

"Takes her long enough to get out here." Bob replied before letting loose a shrill whistle.

There was a pause in the construction as every changeling quickly adopted a more pony-like appearance, but by the time the dutiful mailmare made her approach and landed with a bit of a stumble before them there was nothing in their looks that was amiss.

Ditzy Doo, for her part, groaned as she unslung the mailbag that was larger than herself from off her back before stretching out and eliciting a few pops.

"You know, I'm gonna have to increase your postage rates if this keeps up," the blonde mare grumbled. "What in Equestria is all this, anyway?"

"Pen pal letters." Mandible answered with a straight face. "Blueprints, diagrams, building permits, uh… glue. Paper clips, big ones. Y'know. Office supplies."

"Paper clips?" The mailmare tried to give them a doubtful look, but the effort was ruined slightly by her googly golden eyes. "Is this going to be a constant thing with you ponies? 'Cause if it is, I'm going to start getting some help and using a wagon."

"Yeah, I'd do that. We're going to need a lot of them." Mandible replied with a sheepish grin as Bob began dragging the mailbag into the castle. "I personally have been looking forward to my subscription to 'Better Caves and Lairs.' I'm totally loving their Fang Shui concept."

"Don't you mean Feng Shui?"

"Meh," he shrugged. "Fangs work better for my chakra."

"Chakras?" Ditzy asked with some delight. "I'm working on my Third Eye right now."

"Really? I'm trying to boost my Solar Plexus."

"Neat! I've got a Topaz Crystal I never used, I'll bring it with me next time and maybe it'll work for you."

"Thanks. Who do you get your crystals from? I haven't been able to find a good supplier."

"I know a pony, actually. I met her out on a rock farm, but she's going to college now for her rocktorate degree at the Equestrian Institute of Rockology. Her prices are on the high side, but she's never sold me a crystal that was out of tune. Here, I've got a business card you can have if you want."

"Yeah, totally!" Mandible replied. "That would be great!"

The outgoing mailbag fell out of the air with a loud thud, most likely due to the quality of the changelings assigned to the task and the high window nearby which was a convenient way to 'send' the mail. Neither Ditzy or Mandible flinched at its sudden appearance, although it fell a little close for comfort this time. Two changelings disguised as pegasi crawled out from underneath it with a groan and a whine.

"Tim, Phil." Mandible replied nonchalantly and without looking at them.

"I think we need to cut back on the number of pen pals, boss." Tim remarked with a wince of pain.

"I'll look into it," Mandible casually replied, and he gladly took the business card with the information he needed before Ditzy heaved the new bag up and onto her back.

"I'll see you guys in a couple of weeks," she remarked. "Don't work too hard."

"Never do." Mandible chuckled, and several nearby changelings grumbled and glared at him.

Mandible turned and trotted inside after watching Ditzy take to the air once more and he then moved swiftly over to the mailroom. Once there, he offered a smile to the drone overseeing the sorting of the mail.

"Morning, Proboscis. Do you have our Queen's newspapers?"

"Yeah, right here," he replied. "Looks like something big happened in Canterlot about two weeks ago. She'll probably want to read that first.

"Right."

"Looks like Roseluck wrote to you too." Proboscis replied slyly.

"She did?!" Mandible squealed in delight. "Have that sent to my hole right away! I've been dying to hear back from her."

Proboscis nodded, and Mandible proceeded to prance down the hallway towards his Queen's throne with a happy tune. Roseluck was always so thoughtful and sweet in her letters, and she always gave him just that little bit of a nudge he needed to get through his days. If Queen Chrysalis didn't like the headlines in the newspaper, he was going to need the extra help.

Mandible took two extra deep breaths before walking into the large chamber that made up the new throne room of Queen Chrysalis. The Queen of All She Surveyed was sitting casually on her obsidian throne, a quill and newspaper in her magic. She was intently writing something, and her tongue was sticking out of her mouth slightly as she thought.

"There," she announced after a moment. "Mandible, what's a six-letter word for the triangular solid mass of vertebrae between the lumbar vertebrae and the tail covered dorsally by the two ilia?"

"I believe that would be the 'sacrum', My Queen."

"Ah!" She happily chortled as she wrote the word down. "So it is! Good job, Mandible. I will make Dave clean out the larva pits this week for your reward."

"I cleaned them out last week!" Dave shouted in agony from somewhere.

"Are those the latest newspapers?" Chrysalis asked with an eager look.

"They are, My Queen. I suggest you read the top one first, you may find the news to be quite interesting."

"Perhaps, but first I need to see if there is a new Gabby Gums article, and then I simply _must_ check in on _Caspian & Hobble!_ Oh, the adorable antics that mischievous little colt gets into! Do you think Caspian's parents will ever realize Hobble is no mere stuffed animal?"

"I couldn't say for sure, My Queen."

"I do hope he tries to go sledding. I always love how he...crashes...into…."

Chrysalis paused, and her emerald eyes drank in the headline of the newspaper before her. A slow smile slid onto her face, much like a shark might get at the sight of blood, and after a moment she let out a low, hungry chuckle.

"Well, well! Sunbutt went and got married! I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. This Baked Bean sounds absolutely delicious! Mandible?"

"Yes, My Queen?"

"I do believe we should make preparations to meet the new Prince. Even though we were not invited to the wedding, it would only be polite for us to offer our congratulations, correct?"

"Indeed, My Queen," Mandible replied with a twisted grin.


	2. - Happiness Is

Baked Bean, Prince of Equestria and Stallion of the Sun (though he wasn't sure how he felt about that title yet) hummed a happy tune to himself as he strolled down the hallway and towards breakfast. The sunshine from his wife's sun streamed in through the windows with a feeling of giddiness, and everypony he encountered in the hallways offered a cheerful greeting which he was most delighted to return. All in all, everything was shaping to be fantastic that day already, and Bean couldn't keep the smile off of his face if he tried.

As he made his way towards more of his beloved's pancakes, his mind drifted over the events that had led him to where he now was. It was still an incredible thing for him to recall that, by some fantastical chance, he had happened to have been booped on the nose by Princess Celestia herself. He definitely thanked the stars she had fallen in love with him - and he with her - and he happily realized he wouldn't trade the events of the past three weeks, be they good, bad, or otherwise for anything in the world. It was now his grand privilege to remain with her and to take his place at her side as her Prince, and that prospect alone filled him with overflowing joy.

There was still much he needed to learn, however. Apart from one petition he had approved while Celestia was out sick, he really had no experience governing on his own, and he was committed to being as useful as he could for his wife and the Kingdom she loved. He still wanted to finish writing his story as well; it was part of the core reason he had been in position to be booped in the first place. There was much to do and much to learn, but if he had Celestia to support and guide him then he could take on the world.

"Good morning, sir."

"Ah! Good morning Sergeant!" Bean replied to the Guard who had just walked up beside him. "How you doing, Pokey?"

"Just fine sir," he replied with a hoofbump. "You seem to be in a chipper mood as well, sir, if I may say."

"I guess I am," Bean said with a chuckle. "Can you blame me?"

"Not at all sir." Pokey smiled slightly. "But I do need to go over a couple of security details for your upcoming trip, if you have a moment."

"Sure!" Bean gladly replied. Celestia had mentioned that morning that she wanted to meet the rest of her new in laws that weekend, and Bean had agreed it would be good to have a family reunion, even if the circumstances were a bit unique. "Whatcha got?"

"Not much, sir. That's the problem. We have the addresses of your cousins, but not much else. Princess Celestia suggested that we should meet at the _Zuerst_, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Are there security issues?"

"No more than any other place, sir."

"Ok. Wait. It's because of the interruption of their business, right?" Bean asked, and Pokey nodded. "There is that, yes. I would bet my parents would be willing to shut down for a few hours in order to allow all of this to happen, though. Do we have somepony who could go and check in with them?"

"I can have a messenger aloft in five minutes, sir."

"Let's do that, then. Just send a message asking if they can shut down this Sunday for a family reunion and visit. I'd really be surprised if they said no, but if they do we can figure something else out then."

"Got it, sir," Pokey replied. "Next, are there any special travel arrangements that need to be made for your family in Las Pegasus?"

"If you have them come by rail you should be fine," Bean replied with a quick chuckle. "But I don't think you'd ever be able to get Grandpa Soy and Grandma Pole on to a chariot. They always said there was something wrong with flying ponies."

"They don't like pegasi?" Pokey asked with a slight ruffle of his own wings.

"No, they like pegasi. They just have this bizarre belief that ponies shouldn't be able to fly. I never really understood it myself, but it was something to do with the concept of ponies shouldn't have wings. We've tried to talk to them about it, but they won't be swayed. So long as we don't bring up the subject we should be fine."

"But the Princess has wings, sir. Doesn't that mean their granddaughter-in-law is breaking the rules, so to speak?"

"Yeah, but that kinda hurts my brain to think that a 1,200-year-old Alicorn princess can be a granddaughter to a present-day pony," he chuckled. "It'll be alright. My grandparents wouldn't want to offend the Princess, so they'll behave."

"If you say so, sir." Pokey replied. "And the rest of your family lives in Salt Lick, correct?"

"Yeah. So all we have to do is say 'be here at this time' and they'll be there."

"Very good, sir." Pokey replied. "I'll go get to work on that. If I need something else I'll let you know."

"Sounds good."

Pokey offered a quick nod before peeling away, and Bean hoped that he hadn't offended his loyal royal guard somehow. His mother's parents had always been a bit peculiar, but nopony in the family had ever really given their odd sentiments much thought. Perhaps they should have, but it was hard to think there was any maliciousness in their ideals. They had employed numerous pegasi in their own buffet restaurant over the years, after all, and they gladly served any pegasi guests with the same cheerfulness they offered to unicorns and earth ponies.

"Well," Bean muttered to himself, "maybe once he meets them it'll all be alright."

With a shake of his head to clear his thoughts on the matter, Bean moved up to a steady trot to finish the trip to the dining room. He was eager to get going today, since Celestia had an opening in her schedule occur when the Benevolent Order of Griffons - Equestria Regiment had cancelled their meeting. There was now an hour before lunch for them to spend together doing something not related to the governing of Equestria, and Bean was hoping they might work on his novel a bit more. But, really, so long as he was with her he would be pleased with anything they did, even down to simply sitting and staring into her delectable magenta eyes.

He then had the thought that, perhaps, he should try to do something _she_ wanted to do. Despite loving his Celly more than life itself there was still much he needed to learn about her, and he really didn't know a lot about her private interests and hobbies. When there had been a free moment or two before Celestia usually would default to reading, but there had to be other things that she found interesting, or that she liked.

First things first, though. There was breakfast to be had, as well as a wife's love to enjoy.

He took a quick glance back at his flank, and smiled deeply as he remembered that grand moment on the cloud when his cutie mark had changed. The more he thought of it, the more pleased he was with how it was now. With her sun supporting the book from behind and her words upon the pages, he finally felt like he had a destiny, one that was far more sublime and meaningful than anything he could have ever imagined. She would be behind him to support, she would be before him to guide, and she would forever remain at his side as a part of him, just as he was now a part of her.

He had a place in the world now, and that place was with her.

Bean hummed slightly with the thought, and he tried to move up to a canter, but he noticed that despite his legs making the appropriate movement for forward motion he was somehow moving backwards. He unsuccessfully tried to stifle a playful giggle and began swinging his legs furiously, but this had the intended effect of moving him backwards in the golden magic that held him aloft even faster.

"Where are you going, my little pony?" Celestia's resplendent voice called out with a hint of jest. "Usually ponies run _to_ me, not _away_ from me."

"They do?" he called out playfully.

"They do. Please, come here. I need to talk to you."

Bean smiled mischievously for a moment, then twisted his face into one of horror.

"I'm so sorry!" he wailed. "I had no idea you were there, and I'll pay whatever fine there is for trampling the flowers! Just please don't throw me in jail, or banish me to the Everfree, or build a jail in the Everfree and throw me in there, or…"

Celestia's magic gently pushed his mouth shut before he could prattle along anymore, and Bean felt a jolt of pure joy course though his whole being when he was turned around in midair and met those magnificent magenta eyes with his own.

"Why does everypony think I am going to do that?" she asked as she booped him lovingly. "I've never done that. I've never even threatened it."

"Maybe you should," he replied with a sly bob of his eyebrows. "I'd gladly go be banished with you."

"Hm, don't tempt me," she cooed while sharing a nuzzle with him. "We do still have a honeymoon to enjoy together."

"You really think we can get away for a honeymoon?" he asked as she placed him gently on the ground again.

"Not in the traditional sense, no; but that was one thing I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh? What are you thinking?"

"I had the thought that it would be nice to go on a tour of Equestria with you." she replied while they resumed their walk down the hallway.

"I like it," he replied. "Go on."

"Obviously, we would make public appearances and tour the major sights that _our_ kingdom holds, but we could also make an effort to go to the smaller places that have, perhaps, been a bit neglected. We may only be able to spend a day or two in each place, but I think the ponies of our kingdom would love to see us and we would still be together."

"That actually sounds pretty awesome," Bean replied with a bright smile. "I say we do that."

"I'll get Wysteria to work on it right away then." Celestia replied while returning his smile back to him. "Did Sergeant Pokey talk to you about the 'family reunion' yet?"

"Yeah. He's going to send a messenger to see if we can hijack the _Zuerst_ and have it there. I don't think my parents would say no."

"But will it adversely impact their business?"

"If they're as busy as they've indicated then they would probably enjoy a break, to be honest," he chuckled. "Normally it would hurt, yes; but since Princess Celestia is coming to visit it'll actually help. Ponies will want to eat where you've eaten."

"The same will be true for you," she pointed out. "There are ponies who will pay a premium to sit in the same chair you've sat in, to breathe the air you've breathed."

"I bet that got annoying quickly for you."

"It did, but I came to terms with it," she sighed. "There's very little I can do about it, other than passing some kind of law or ordinance. Really, ponies do such things because they respect me, so I take it as a compliment."

"It is better than being met at the front doors with pitchforks and torches." Bean quipped.

"If that ever happens then I think I'll just turn everything over to Luna and banish myself to the sun."

"That sounds … hot."

"Oh, it's not so bad." Celestia replied with a giggle. "Sure, my shoes might melt but it's actually quite nice once you get used to it."

"I'll just take your word on that one." he chuckled back. "I'd rather not find out, though."

"I agree."

"How many pancakes did you make today?"

"Oh, only about five dozen or so. I hope you're hungry."

"I'm always hungry for you." he replied with swift nibble to her neck, and she shrieked in delight before prancing away from him.

* * *

"So, my dear Bean, what shall we do with our free hour?" Celestia asked her beloved.

"Well, I want to know if you want to do something."

"Really?" Celestia asked with a left turn in the hallway.

"Yeah. I'm a little worried that we're only doing what I want to do. I want to learn about your interests, your hobbies. My knowledge in that area is lacking, and I want to fix that."

Celestia gave him a quick nip in his mane. "That is very thoughtful of you, but we may have a small problem with that."

"Problem?" Bean asked. "How can your hobbies be a problem?"

"When you have lived for 1,224 years you have tried every hobby there is and grown bored with all of them," Celestia sighed slightly. "Painting, rock collecting, music composition, whittling, underwater basket-weaving, dry macaroni necklaces, on and on. You name it and I've probably tried it."

A glorious idea flashed into Bean's head. "Wait, you can't be bored with _everything._ You still like to teach."

"Yes, I do."

Bean tried to stifle his smile, but it was a horrible failure. "Have you ever done guard training?"

She gave him a playful look that indicated she knew full well where he was going with this. "Only a few hundred thousand times."

"But ever one-on-one?" He asked, and he went up on his rear hooves and made a fighting pose. "You wouldn't want me to be defenseless in a crisis, would you?"

"No, I certainly do not want that," she replied with a hum.

"So maybe, if you don't mind, we can do that together. But only if you want to!" He added in a rush and with worry. "Really! I don't want you to do something just because I'm being obnoxious about it."

Celestia moved in and gave her Bean a quick peck on the cheek. "I have not yet tried teaching my husband new things. I have no problem with your idea. I can teach you some defensive maneuvers, or I can help you write more of your book."

"I worry I've been pushing that too much."

"Not at all! I have quite enjoyed watching you write. You have a good imagination and a good grasp of theme and tone. I am very interested to see where you take your ideas."

"I'll probably run them right off a cliff and into a plot hole."

"Not on my watch," Celestia giggled. "But why don't we work on your book for now, and we'll talk to Lieutenant Spear Point about some private training time in the barracks."

"That sounds good. I just don't want you to have to worry about protecting me when you're trying to protect others."

Celestia nodded, but then a very pleased and lusty look came over her while her eyes wandered over her Bean.

"Hmm," she purred, "I am willing to bet you look fantastic in armor."

"Armor?" Bean repeated.

"Mm-hmm." Celestia drew out the sounds in delighted anticipation. "Mares love a stallion in uniform, after all."

"But you are the General of the Guard, so you must have a set of platemail somewhere too."

"I do, but I haven't worn it in quite some time."

A visible chill ran through Bean's hide and it made his fur stand on end. "But I bet you look really, _really_ good in it."

"You'll just have to wait and see." Celestia replied with a teasing nip of his neck and an inviting flick of her tail before slowly moving away.

"I am the luckiest stallion in Equestria." Bean muttered in desire before chasing after his wife.

* * *

"So, let me see," Bean said as he looked over the paper Wysteria had just given him. "My parents on Sunday. Crystal Empire on Tuesday - after the tea date with Fluttershy and Discord - and then our 'official' wedding a week from then."

"Yes, Your Highness."

Bean glanced up and over at her. "Do you really have to call me 'Your Highness' every time? Is it a law, or just respectful?"

"It's mostly out of respect, Your Highness."

"Can we maybe modify that a bit?"

"How so?" Wysteria asked with a questioning look.

"The guards get away with just calling me 'sir.' Any chance you could do that too?"

"I could work on it, _sir."_

"Please? I know I'm a Prince and have all sorts of fun titles and honorifics that apply to me now but I'd like to have a few reminders that I was just a common pony at one time."

"How about I call you Sir in the palace, but revert back to the usual honorifics outside?"

"I can live with that."

"I'll do that then." Wysteria replied. "Let me see. We're still waiting on the reply from your parents, but I'm sure that will come in any minute now. The only other thing going on for now is Day Court."

"Any good petitioners in the queue?" he asked.

"Not yet. It seems to be the usuals. Though I'd still watch it, I'd bet my quill Celestia is going to have you render judgement on a lot of the petitions today."

"Yeah, I get that feeling too," he replied before pushing the rear entrance door open. "This should be amusing, eh?"

"Could be, but since I haven't seen Discord yet I'll say it's only going to be partially amusing."

"That would be just fine by me." Bean laughed.

Wysteria chuckled along with him as they entered, but both grew quiet when they saw Lieutenant Spear Point speaking rapidly and in low tones with both Celestia and Luna just before the throne. Bean felt a small knot of worry develop in his stomach, and he tried to make as little noise as possible as he approached all of them.

"...and we need to make sure adequate preparations are made. This upcoming wedding party has got to look like a juicy worm to them, and what better revenge for what happened with the Captain and Princess Cadence?"

"Bean, please, come join us." Luna remarked with a wave of her hoof. "This concerns you too."

"What does?"

"Changelings." Luna replied with a note of anger. "The Lieutenant is wisely pointing out that the wedding party to formally celebrate your marriage to Celly is a perfect time to attempt an attack. We need to make sure that we don't have a repeat occurrence."

"Do you think a changeling is in the palace?" Bean asked the devoted guard leader.

"No, but I don't want to take any chances either," he replied. "The security measures that Captain Armor put in place after the last invasion have prevented any more breaches, but I'm having another sweep done of all the staff, just to be safe. I would also like to double the guard, andrun continuous sky patrols. Obviously, we would scan all the guests who come into the palace, and I was going to get thoughts on perhaps placing a magic block spell on all unicorns, just to be safe."

"I'm hesitant to take that step, Lieutenant," Celestia replied with a heavy sigh. "It's one thing to block magic to prevent cheating during the Friendship Games, but I'm not sure the risk to our event warrants such actions."

"Ponies would understand, Sister." Luna remarked. "They would do anything to make sure you are safe during the festivities."

"I know," Celestia replied with another sigh. "All right. Let's block out the magic, out of an overabundance of caution."

"Thank you, Princess," the Lieutenant replied. "That was all I had."

"Thank you for your dedicated service, Lieutenant," Luna offered, and Spear Point gave a salute before walking away with a quick canter.

"I had hoped…" Celestia softly murmured.

"Hoped for what?" Bean asked with a nuzzle for her after a pause.

"When Luna married Star Stuck, there was a party unlike Equestria had ever seen before," she replied in a contemplative and reminiscent tone. "We literally threw open the gates at the old Castle and let everypony just pile in. I remember how warm and cheerful it felt, and how inviting it all was. It was so … so magical, to just be surrounded by friends - not our subjects - and to share in their gaiety. I was beyond happy because they were happy. For one day and one night, they didn't have any fears, any concerns, any problems. It...it was like the whole world was perfect, right then and there. Everything I had wanted for my little ponies, the end goal of my life's work, all of it. It existed for one fleeting moment. I was actually disappointed when the feeling ended, and when I found you I really had hoped that I might be able to replicate the mood."

"I think we can," Bean replied softly. "Even if it's not in the same way. I would love for everypony to have such a feeling, and I bet if we talk to Cadence and Pinkie Pie we can pull it off."

"Bean speaks the truth, Sister." Luna added with a small smile. "Simply having a party tends to bring out much levity and mirth in our subjects already. Your formal wedding to Bean will be a moment they will remember always, and I believe it will be even more wonderful than my own."

"I hope not." Celestia replied with her own small smile now. "I would much rather they be equal. But, you are both right. When we visit with Cadence I will let her know these things, and I'm sure some sort of plan can be made to bring out the best in our ponies."

"If those two can't come up with something then I would fear the end is upon us." Luna chuckled.

"Your Highnesses?" Wysteria piped up from behind Bean. "I hate to interrupt but we do have quite a few petitioners waiting."

"I will meet with you both after moonrise," Luna offered, "and we'll review the Lieutenant's plans. We will have a better idea of what to do once we have those."

"Sleep well, Sister." Celestia offered with a smile and a quick hug.

Sergeant Pokey then quickly approached Bean and Celestia while Luna walked away, and he had a sneaky smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Yes, Sergeant? What is it?" Celestia asked.  
"I have a visitor, ma'am, who is adamant about meeting with the Prince. She is threatening to break down the staff door in thirty seconds if her demands are not met."

"Why haven't you detained her?" Bean asked.

"I felt it would be a very bad career choice to arrest Duchess Lima Bean, sir."

"Mom?!" Bean cried out in amazed happiness.

"Baked?!" Lima's voice carried into the hall. "Will you please come here? I could really use your help right now!"

"Luna wouldn't dare." Bean remarked, but then he glanced up at Celestia. "Would she?"

"I very much doubt she's being threatening but you better go make sure," Celestia replied through a giggle. "I can handle things here."

"Thanks, love you!" Bean shouted over his shoulder while he galloped over to the door. "Hang on, Mom!"

"Are you sure we can stay in here?" Lima asked. "I would hate to be a distraction."

"Nah, it's ok." Bean replied while they both watched Celestia render judgement on a petition involving whether a tomato was a fruit or a vegetable. "There's always ponies coming in and out. We're fine."

"I hope so. Your new cutie mark looks good, by the way."

"Thanks. So what brings you by the palace, Duchess?" Bean joked. "I really was just expecting you to send a message back, especially given how busy you've said things are."

"Do you remember me telling you that you can have too much of a good thing?" she asked, and he nodded. "Well, that's exactly what's happened. Your father and I have been running our tails off trying to keep up with everything. We had to hire another cook and five waiters beyond what I told you in the letter, and we expanded our hours, but we still end up stuffed to the brim and we've been turning away ponies at the end of the night. Poor Grumps is fit to have a coronary, and even Sip is looking a bit ragged with all the overtime he's worked."

"Huh. Are you still thinking of relocating?"

"At this point it's either that or we remodel and expand. Your father also debated if we should open a second location."

"That's not a bad idea, really. You've said before that you wanted to open a place on Main Street. You have name recognition, and I bet a quick petition to the throne would get you a loan to get it up and running."

"The Princess would loan us money?"

"She would recommend a few good places to get the bits, actually," he replied. "It's a rule that we don't give out funds directly."

"Ah. I'll talk it over with your father then. I personally would like to see the _Zuerst_ remodeled, the interior is beginning to look dated and some new equipment would be useful too."

"Perhaps you could do both. I really don't think you'll be lacking for customers anytime soon."

"No, I don't suppose so," Lima chuckled. "But that wasn't the only reason I came. I wanted to see how you were holding up, how things are going. I worry about you, dear, and how you're adjusting to everything. Are you sleeping well at night?"

"Better than I ever have before," Bean replied with a suppressed snort of joy as he thought about his most recent evening with Celestia.

"And you're still eating well?"

"Yes, Mom," he replied with an eyeroll. "The chefs here are really good about portion control and variety."

"Good. I was worried you'd just start eating cake all the time."

"You know, I have yet to see Celly eat a slice of cake. Luna's the one who gets into the stuff all the time."

"Really?" Lima asked with interest. "I had always heard it was Princess Celestia who loved cake. At any rate, you are still scrubbing behind your ears, right?"

"Yes, I am."

"Let me see," Lima demanded, and Bean let out a small shout of protest as his mother grabbed his ear and began inspecting behind it.

"Mom! Seriously?!"

"I don't want my daughter-in-law to pick up some horrible parasite because my little Bean didn't scrub behind his ears like he should."

"But you have to do this here?!"

"Yes. Now quit squirming. You're as bad as your father sometimes."

Bean did as he was told, but he wasn't happy about it. He folded his arms tightly and grumped as his mother folded one ear back and forth in her inspection, and he groaned when she licked behind the other one and began scrubbing with a hoof.

"Mom, this is embarrassing," he protested. "We're in Court right now, and you're after non-existent dirt?"

"Oh, there's dirt here," Lima replied and she began scrubbing harder. "You always did have a problem with behind your ears."

"Good afternoon, Duchess!" Celestia called out. "Is everything alright?"

"If Baked would scrub behind his ears it would be." she muttered.

"I do." Bean glowered while folding his arms even tighter to emphasize his point.

"I think that speck of dirt you're trying to remove is actually a mole," Celestia offered while walking up to them. "I've noticed it too and it hasn't moved or changed at all."

"Oh." Lima replied. Bean finally managed to twist away from his mother's iron grip, and offered a fierce glare to the nearby guards who had been snickering the entire time.

"I'll keep an eye on it for you, if that would help," Celestia offered. "I certainly want him to wash behind his ears too."

"Thank you, Princess."

"Great," Bean grumbled. "I'm being ganged up on now."

"That's the way these things work, Baked," Lima replied with a chuckle she shared with Celestia.

"It's good to see you again, Duchess." Celestia offered a hug that was gladly received. "What brings you to Canterlot?"

"A few things, actually, but mostly concerns that my little Bean is behaving. If it's alright, I would like to stay and return with you and Baked on Sunday."

"Of course!" Celestia and Bean replied happily in unison.

"Good. Also, when you're done with Court, I'd like to show you something."

Bean's eyes shrank to pinpricks, and he let out a gasp of horror.

"No, please no," he pleaded in fear. "Not that."

"Not what?" Celestia asked, as she looked between them.

_"The Photo Album."_ Bean whispered in dread.

* * *

"...and this one! Ha! He's only about 13 months old in this picture, I think. I still don't know how he got up onto the counter, but I was finding flour in his diaper for weeks after that."

Bean groaned with an embarrassed smile as Celestia _and_ Luna giggled at the antics of Little Baked Bean. Celestia was naturally interested in hearing all of the compromising and humiliating stories that her new mother-in-law had on her husband, and Luna had eagerly forced her way into Celestia's library as soon as she had awoken and heard that Lima was present. Bean had made her swear on her moon not to take notes, but he was pretty extra sure her razor-sharp mind was recording all of these incidents for future use anyway.

"My little Twilight did something like that once," Luna remarked. "We had just harvested the spring wheat, and she somehow got into a sizeable pile of grain while we were helping to thresh and sort the chaff off. I was sure she would sprout a rather healthy crop in the dirt behind each ear; a fact I used to my advantage to ensure she scrubbed behind them."

"I didn't know you had a daughter, Princess." Lima said with a note of interest.

Luna smiled with a glint of fond remembrance in her eye. "Twilight Starbright, yes. My Wee Rascal. She was smart, but always into mischief. I'm sure I only know about half of the pranks she pulled on poor old Starswirl, but she was always the first to jump in and help out with anything that needed to be done."

"You had braces?" Celestia asked while peering at another picture.

"Ah, yeah." Bean groaned. "Those things were the bane of my existence. I couldn't wait to get them off."

"Do you still wear your retainer, Baked?" Lima asked.

"No. I don't need to," he replied with a slight edge in his voice.

"Yes you do. Doctor Smile Bright said you had to wear it for the rest of your life to overcome that tongue thrust that knocked your teeth out in the first place."

"Mom, I broke that thing a month after I got it."

"You did? Good gracious, son, we spent good money on those braces! Your mouth must be a mess!"

"I think it's just perfect." Celestia remarked in a soft whisper and with a wink for her besieged husband.

"Open up, let me see," Lima demanded, and she clucked in disapproval when Bean compiled. "Hmpf. At least you're brushing good. This kid didn't brush his teeth for his entire junior year. The root canal finally cured that."

Luna tried very hard not to chortle … well, not that hard.

"I suppose it doesn't look _too_ bad in there," Lima finally announced. "I assume you have access to a dentist, so you'd better get regular checkups and cleanings. I don't want to hear about any cavities, all right?"

"Yes Mom," Bean offered in utter defeat.

"And you'd better make sure you see a doctor about your—"

"I will!" Bean quickly interrupted. "Can we please not discuss _that_ right now?!"

"Fine, but just make sure you keep an eye on it," Lima replied before chuckling slightly and turning her attention to Celestia. "Garbanzo and I had a few conversations about how we could best embarrass Baked in front of his special somepony."

"Naturally," Luna replied in knowing tones.

"But he really is a sweetheart at the core." Lima smiled at her son, and he returned it to her bashfully. "And I'm glad he ended up here, with you. When Garbanzo sent him off to find himself, I was worried about what would happen to him. I thought his place was with us at the _Zuerst,_ cooking. What if he ran into ruffians, or thugs, or what if some hussy bamboozled him out of the bits we'd given him? What if he got hurt, or lost, or couldn't find something to eat? I just wanted him to be safe, and warm, and happy. I can tell he's found all that with both of you here. He's in good hooves."

"Should we tell her about your warm reception?" Bean asked Luna, and he snickered a bit when a hit of red flared on her cheeks.

"Reception?" Lima asked.

"Oh, it wasn't that bad," Luna replied in an attempt to recover from her embarrassment. "I simply threatened to execute him and then threw him against a wall. What sister-in-law hasn't done that?"

"Your aunt Sieva threatened to castrate your father when she met him," Lima replied in a ho-hum tone. "And Grandpa Soy was _extremely_ precise about his expectations for his daughter and the punishments that would be doled out if they were not met. It's really quite amazing that they didn't run him off. I'm sure you were just letting Baked know that you would tolerate no shenanigans, right?"

"Right! Exactly!" Luna agreed with an earnest nod of her head. "And he's behaved himself, with a few exceptions, ever since then."

"Good. Now, Baked, are you getting out and exercising? You'll go all flabby if you don't get out and run a couple times a week, and we don't need a flabby Prince."

"Are you sure you have to stay here until Sunday?" Bean asked in mock agony, but with a smile.

"The north tower is the best room in the whole palace," Celestia remarked to Lima while they exited the library. "You should be quite comfortable there. Just follow Sergeant Clover Leaf and she'll make sure you get anything else you need."

"Thank you, Princess," Lima replied with a smile and a yawn. "That's very kind of you."

"It's the least we can do for family," Celestia replied while Bean and Luna filed out into the hallway.

"This'll be the first time I've gotten to bed before three A.M. since your wedding, I think," Lima replied with a chuckle. "I'm going to enjoy the quiet. Good night, Your Highnessess."

"Good night, Mom," Bean replied. "We'll see you in the morning."

"I should be tending to my duties as well," Luna remarked as Lima and Clover walked away. "I bid you both good night and fair dreams."

"Good night, Lulu." Celestia replied with a quick hug. Luna took a few steps away from them, but then stopped and glanced over her shoulder.

"You both might want to try to keep it down tonight. If I can hear you in my room, then I'm sure Lima will be able to hear things that … well, you know. Those personal, intimate things that you might not want your mother to hear necessarily."

"You can hear us?" Celestia asked in shock as Bean went bright red and stammered in embarrassment.

"Good evening, Sister and Brother."

Luna then simply vanished in a swirl of her dark magic that Bean could _swear_ left behind the sound of a mischievous giggle.

"She can really hear us?" Bean asked. "That's really mortifying if she can."

"I think she's just kidding," Celestia replied before giving him a kiss. "But just in case she's not, I just happen to know a silencing spell."

"You are the greatest wife in the history of ever." Bean replied with a laugh.

"Indeed I am," she replied with a nip of his ear. "And I fully intend to prove it, right here and now."

"Well, who am I to deny the Princess?" Bean replied softly. "Let us away, my dear."


	3. - Family Reunion

"Are you sure you want me to attend this reunion?" Luna asked for the third time in as many minutes. She was feeling like a fifth horseshoe within the tight and happy group already, and a visit to her sister's in-laws didn't seem to be the way to cure her concerns.

"Of course we do!" Lima replied while everypony was climbing into the passenger car of the train. "You are family, and all family members are invited. I think everypony would be rather disappointed if you didn't come."

"They would?"

Bean let out a rather large and solid scoff. "Mung, upon seeing your picture in the paper after your return, proclaimed to the entire Bean Clan that he was going to marry you one day."

"I see," Luna said with a chuckle. "But does he still feel this way?"

"No, he hasn't mentioned it lately," Lima replied over the clanking lurch of the train's start. "He actually has a marefriend, last I heard. What was her name, Baked, do you remember?"

"I think it was Chowder," he replied in thought. "Or something to do with sugar. Something like that."

"At any rate, I'm sure he still thinks highly of you," Lima continued. "I'm pretty sure Fava wanted to meet you too. I do know for sure that Lentil will be super excited to meet you, Celestia. She's a huge fan of yours."

"Oh, really?" Celestia asked with amusement.

"Very much. She has just about any merchandise that relates to you, and that's all she ever wants for Hearth's Warming and Birthday gifts. She has posters of you up in her room, and plush dolls, and the books you've authored. She's even been saving up for the last few months so she could make the trip to Canterlot and meet you face-to-face. There was a bit of concern that she would spontaneously combust with happiness when she heard about the marriage. She'll be beyond the moon happy to actually have a chance to talk to you."

"Well, I will be pleased to speak with her," Celestia replied. "She sounds like a charming mare."

"Oh, she is. Baked has some of the best cousins that you could ask for."

"Can't say I don't," Bean added with a laugh.

"Princess?" Wysteria piped up from behind them. "Here's the budget, like you asked."

"Ah, yes. Thank you," Celestia replied as she took it in her magic. "Lima, I'm afraid Bean and I need to review this, otherwise Minister Penny Wise is going to give me quite the stern lecture about passing her budgets in a timely manner, and there is nothing worse than being lectured in monotone. You're welcome to sit in with us, if you'd like."

"No, that's all right." Lima replied with a soft grin. "I think I'll just relax, if I may."

"Please do. Just let Wysteria know if you need anything. Luna, would—"

"Don't you dare drag me into that numerical nightmare," Luna threatened. "Those budgetary analyses are like little gremlins, I swear."

"Fair enough." Celestia laughed. "Bean and I will handle this."

"Save yourselves!" Bean whispered before earning a nip on his ear from his wife.

"Wysteria?" Luna called out.

"Yes?"

"What do we have for refreshments?"

"All of the usual things, Princess. What would you like?"

Luna glanced over at Lima before replying. "Perhaps some rye crackers and cheese, and a nice tea to go with it if you please."

"I know just the thing. I'll be right back in a moment."

"Thank you," Luna offered, and then she turned her full attention to Lima. Bean's mother had settled in on the cushions in the back of the rail car and was looking through her photo album with a wistful and slightly depressed expression.

Luna was fairly confident she knew what Lima was thinking, but she decided to have a motherly chat with her about it just to be sure, and to also pass the time. There was a warm smile for the new Duchess as Luna eased down next to her, and a small smile was returned before Lima again looked over the photos of her Baked as a foal.

"Not a fan of budgets I take it?" Lima asked with a short laugh.

"I have dealt with snooty ministers, stuck-up magistrates, prideful dukes, and wasteful barons; squared off against the deepest and darkest monsters spawned of Tartarus, ancient sasquatch foes, legions of armies that have stretched off beyond the horizon and thunderous dragons that have nearly ended my life, and yet _none_ of that has been more frightening than the budget proposals of our modern day. I really don't know how Celly does it."

"I've told Garbanzo that the only power that might be able to truly defeat you and Princess Celestia is the power of compound interest."

"It just might." Luna laughed lightly, then paused. "I wonder what became of my back pay while I was away from the position."

Lima looked as if she were taking the jest seriously and calculating a number with a great number of zeros before Luna shook her head and turned her attention to the photo album as well. There was a pause as they both looked over the snapshots of Baked Bean's early years, but then Lima pointed to one and chuckled softly.

"This was the first cake Baked ever baked by himself, and from scratch no less. It was a delicious three-tier, and I still don't know how he got that frosting to be so light. It was like he had made chocolate rain clouds somehow. I thought for sure he was going to get his cutie mark that day. I was so proud of him, and what he'd done."

"They grow up too fast, don't they?"

"Far too fast," Lima agreed in a soft voice. "And then they fly away from the nest. I'm glad he's with Celestia, and that he's found his place in the world, I really am. I just …"

"It is a bittersweet thing," said Luna after a moment. "You are overwhelmed with a great sense of pride and accomplishment when you see how your child has grown and what they can now do, but yet there is that loss of their presence in your daily life. You've grown so accustomed to their laugh, their smile, that it's a shock when they are no longer there. A small part of your heart wants them to stay, but yet you scream for them to be great, to show the world the majesty that you have always seen within them."

"I suppose you get used to the emptiness eventually."

"You do, but only because it is filled with your joy over their success. I know I could nearly burst with pride when I would receive the letters back from my little Twilight while she was out on her quest."

"Quest?"

"Twilight was a curious thing, but mostly in the field of alchemy. She spent three years traversing across Equestria and beyond, searching for anything and everything that could be used to make a pony's life better. Many of the modern medicines we now enjoy come from her early research. When she did return, she turned to what we would now call laboratory work and the magic began to flow. She did much for the advancement of Equestria."

"Did she have a family?"

"She did, in time." Luna was lost in thought, and her smile grew. "You know, for all of her advancements in science, it was her family that always brought me the greatest amount of joy. Watching her struggle through newlywed life, then maturing as a mother to her own little brood was just as impressive to me as anything else she accomplished. She was the type of daughter that I could be proud of, no matter what she did. Your Baked Bean will be the same."

"I hope so," Lima replied. "He is a wonderful son, and he has many talents to share. I don't worry about his future, but I will miss the past."

"Thankfully, the good parts of the past are never truly gone. They simply move around a bit."

"I suppose so. But I really need you to answer a burning question I have."

"Oh? What is that?"

Lima paused, glanced over at Bean and Celestia for a moment, and then back to Luna.

"Is being a grandmother all that it's cracked up to be?"

Luna's smile nearly consumed her face. "Are you kidding? You have full permission to spoil your grandfoals rotten, give them all kinds of presents their parents would normally object to, and then send them home when they're all hyped up on sugar. You'll love it."

* * *

Bean had thought at one point in his life that he would never want to put a hoof inside the _Zuerst_ again in his life.

Now, he couldn't wait to do so.

Upon his arrival in Salt Lick, the Royals had been met by Mayor Rubber Stamp and a large and excited crowd of cheering ponies who filled the depot area proper. He had expected this because Celestia had told him that it would happen, and yet he still was still surprised to find more than thirty ponies in one place, and that all of them were there to see _him,_ the unexpected prince from their hometown. A marching band - from Bean's alma mater, of course - was playing _Hail to The Crown_, and large banners and posters shouting Bean's praises were scattered amongst the happy throng.

This was all definitely something that he was going to have to adjust to.

Thankfully, the Mayor's remarks to the throng were brief, and so were Celestia's, and the meeting at City Hall with the city council had been pleasant but a bit dry. Sadly, most of the conversation was simply everypony trying to brown-nose their way into good graces and potential royal appointments.

Celestia had also been very clear that they were due at the family reunion promptly at two, so when the time came for their departure Celestia and Luna both gracefully excused themselves and marched neatly out to the waiting chariots with Bean in tow, despite the best efforts to waylay them for just a few minutes more.

"There's so much more about this job that you need to show me," Bean remarked as they began moving down the street at a brisk clip.

"Extracting yourself from meetings will be a bit tricky," Luna replied, "but you mostly need to stand your ground and exert some authority. You'll have plenty of opportunities to practice, don't worry."

"Yeah, I don't doubt that for a moment."

"Just make sure that you are clear on your ending time. It's very difficult for a pony to detain you when they know that."

"Got it."

"So, my Love," Celestia now asked with a nip in his mane, "you know I hate walking into a battle blind. What should we know about your family, beyond what we already know?"

"I think you've gotten all the pertinent details, really. Most of my relationals will probably be a bit shy at first given that there will be _two_ princesses in their immediate vicinity, but I don't think it'll take long for them to warm up. Uh … ah. I'm the oldest out of my cousins, Mung is about twenty, I think, and the rest of them are teenagers. Don't know if it matters, but there you go. Oh! There may be one awkward thing."

"Oh?" Celestia asked with a peaked eyebrow. "And what is that?"

"Grandpa Soy and Grandma Pole _may_ offer the somewhat crazy theory that ponies shouldn't be able to fly."

"They don't like pegasi?" Luna asked as her own wings ruffled.

"No, they like pegasi. They just have this weird thought that ponies shouldn't be able to fly. I know it's strange, but it's the way they are. We just smile and nod when it comes up."

"If the subject comes up then we will let Celly handle it diplomatically." Luna replied with a casual inspection of one of her shoes. "She is the best at that sort of thing."

"I will certainly do the best I can," Celestia added, "but I am a princess to _all_ ponies, and I will defend the pegasi if I must."

"Oh, I would be really surprised if it came to that," Bean replied with a shrug. "There's a good chance they won't even broach the matter."

"What are your thoughts on their beliefs?" Luna queried with a inquisitive expression.

"Me? Oh, I never understood it. It's no stranger to me that a pony can fly than a pony can use magic. It's our differences that make us all better ponies."

Bean blushed a bit but smiled happily when Celestia gave him a loving nuzzle for his remarks.

"Good answer, my Love."

"Princess Luna! Welcome!" Garbanzo Bean proclaimed grandly while he and Lima bowed deeply in respect. "And welcome back, Princess Celestia! We are honored to have both of you here as our guests."

"All right, Garbanzo, you may dispense with the pleasantries," Celestia replied, and her magic yanked both of them up and over to her for a rather large and familial hug. "We're family here, and there's no need for all that. It's good to see you again too. How has business been? Are you able to keep up with the demand?"

"Business couldn't be better, Your Highness." he replied while she set them down.

"Oh, pfft." Celestia blew a raspberry and waved a hoof at him. "Celly, please. You can keep the 'Your Highness' for later."

"Where is everypony, Dad?" Bean asked with a glance around the suspiciously empty restaurant.

"We gave everypony the day off since we were shutting down anyway, and I believe your cousins and grandparents should be here shortly."

"Probably got held up in security," Luna dryly remarked.

"I'm afraid that could be the case," Celestia replied with a nod of understanding.

"Your new cutie mark looks nice, Bean Buddy," Garbanzo remarked. "Just as good as the one in the photo you sent your mom."

Luna firmly placed her tongue in the side of her cheek. "You sent your mother a photograph of your changed cutie mark?"

"Yes." Bean considered the expression, or more correctly the lack of expression on Luna's face. "Is there something wrong?"

"You took a photo of your rear end," said Luna in a slow and deliberate tone, "and sent it to your mother." The tiniest bit of a smile began to show at the corners of Luna's lips. "I'm never going to let you two live this one down."

"Ok, har-har." Bean laughed sardonically. "For the record it was a side profile picture, not _just_ my rear."

"Honestly, Luna." Celestia tisked before her resolve crumbled into an expression that could only be described as lecherous. "There is no way I would send Duchess Lima such a picture unless I first made and kept a copy for myself."

"Yeah. So, when I … wait. Did you really?" Bean asked with a furious blush on his cheeks.

Thankfully for Bean this rather embarrassing turn in the conversation was interrupted by the arrival of his extended family, and a gleeful feeling overtook him as he watched everypony file into the restaurant. He had been fairly close with his cousins growing up, and he wanted everypony to meet the most marvelous mare that could ever be, so it wasn't hard for his excitement to build pressure quickly. There was playful chatter and laughing between them all, and Bean was amazed to see how much everypony had changed, matured, and grown. The once a year reunions were far too infrequent, they needed to have these more often.

All noise stopped once everypony was in and the door was secured behind them, and all offered a courteous bow to the Princesses.

"Rise, my little ponies. This sign of respect is appreciated but unnecessary within these walls." Celestia replied with a smile.

"Truly, it has been some time since my sister and I had the ability to take part in a reunion of family. It is we who are honored to be here with you." Luna added from her grateful heart.

There was an awkward pause at this point, and it was clear the new Beans didn't know what to say that would be appropriate.

But then Baked Bean made his move, and he practically dove head-first into the crowd. "Grams! Granpa! It's good to see you guys!"

"Bean!" The ice was quite thoroughly broken as a hug was shared with them in elation. "What in the world have you been up to?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just decided to marry a Princess, y'know. How have you been?"

"What in Equestria did you do to your cutie mark?" Grams asked with a laugh.

Both Princesses smiled as an explosion of conversation occurred among the cousins. It was heartwarming to see the hugs, the 'how's it been?' and the hearty back slaps being passed around like a Hearth's Warming feast. It also wasn't very long until a light blue stallion and a purple pegasus mare gathered up enough nerve to approach and make eye contact with Luna.

"Wait." Luna held up a hoof. "Let me guess. You are Mung, are you not?"

"Uh…" Mung was quite obviously taken aback. "Yes, Your Highness."

"Luna, please. After all, we _both_ know what you were dreaming about when you found I had returned from exile."

Oh how Luna loved watching stallions go red in the face when she did that! It never had gotten old. Perhaps she would paint her room with that particular shade of embarrassed red.

"Look, uh … that was … I mean, well …"

"Never fear, my good Mung. Your secret is safe with me," Luna replied with a wink before turning her attention to the mare. "Now, who might you be?"

"Sugar Sweet, Your … I mean, Luna," she replied, "but everypony calls me Chowder. It is such an honor to meet you."

"Likewise. Are you Mung's special somepony then?"

She offered up a light and playful giggle while throwing a wing over him. "You could say that, yes. In fact, if it's not too presumptuous of us, we were wondering if we could ask you to be the officiator at our wedding."

The room suddenly went silent. All eyes immediately focused on Chowder, and Luna could _feel_ the squeal of excitement building in the air.

"Mung, sweetie?" One of the older mint green mares asked in delight. "Did I just hear that right?"

Mung had the dopiest smile of all time on his face, and his eyes darted about for a moment before he raised his head high and put an arm over Chowder's withers.

"Mom. Dad. I asked Chow—"

Mung stopped to swallow and trade a gooey glance with the mare at his side. "Sugar Sweet to marry me," he blurted out in nearly one word.

Every last male in the room was rendered momentarily deaf and winced in unison as the piercing shout of overjoyed delight finally hit critical mass and escaped its containment field.

It was like a tidal wave of estrogen then hit the room, sweeping all mares hapless enough to be in its path towards the newest addition to the Bean pool. Celestia and Luna were no exception, nor did they want to be, and a group hug like none other was shared by all.

"Such wonderful news!" Grandma Flageolet remarked when the hug was over. "Now we can have a two-way challenge!"

"Challenge?" Bean asked with a confused look that matched Celestia's. "What challenge?"

"Oh, nothing too bad. It's just that if Celestia and Chowder want to be Beans, they have to cook us a meal."

"Ma, I thought we said we weren't going to do that," the green mare who had to be Cannellini replied in a worried whisper.

"_You_ said that. I said we needed to. It's tradition."

"What?" Bean asked with confusion dripping off the word and puddling on the floor. "Why have I never heard of this?"

"Well, the last wedding was your Aunt Adzuki, so we haven't needed to discuss it." Flageolet replied with a grandmotherly smile.

"This is a real thing? You didn't make this up?"

"It's a real thing, Bean Buddy," Garbanzo replied this time. "For as long as there have been Beans, there has been the Code of the Beans."

The heads of all senior Beans dipped in reverence.

"Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this 'code?'"

"'Cause it's a married thing. Nana?"

"All mares must undertake _the Challenge_ in order to be considered a true Bean." Flageolet replied solemnly. "It has been so, it is so, and it must remain so."

"What sort of a meal must I cook?" Celestia asked with an intrigued look.

"That is up to you. The kitchen, and all food within it, is available to use. You may select one _female_ Bean to give you suggestions, but it must be you who cooks."

Luna had a thoughtful smile on her face, and she took a turn now. "And any mare may take this challenge?"

"Any mare who wishes to be a Bean."

"I'm in," Luna then announced. "I always did enjoy a good challenge."

"Luna has accepted the Challenge." Flageolet said with a smile.

"I guess that settles it," Celestia added with a laugh. "It would be highly embarrassing to be excluded and you included. Count me in too."

"Chowder, are you in?" Flageolet asked.

"I don't know if …" she stalled, and the self-doubt was clearly drawn on her face. Luna placed a wing over the unsettled pegasi, and she dropped her head down to her level.

"Chowder, do you love that stallion?" Luna asked in a fiercely determined voice while pointing a hoof at Mung.

"Of course I do!"

"Then let me tell you what love does to a mare. When she is deeply and truly in love she will cross the ends of the earth and come back again for her special somepony. No barbarian army would be too large, no sea would be too vast to cross, no magic would be strong enough keep her from the tender embrace of her intended. A mare who loves as much as you do would cut down the mightiest tree in the Everfree Forest with a herring to have the one she desires, would she not?"

"I suppose…" Chowder couldn't help but chuckle at that, but the message was taking root.

"A mare who loves as much as you do would push the city of Cloudsdale aside by herself if it stood between her and her intended, would she not?"

"Yeah!" Chowder replied with a determined look that was growing in intensity.

"And a mare who loves as much as you do would battle broccoli and reduce radishes to rinds to have what is hers! Am I not right?!"

"Yeah!" Chowder shouted. "I'll do it! I'm in!"

Flageolet's smile had a hint of deviousness and she nodded once.

"Then let us begin."

"I swear, I had no idea that this was a thing that happened." Bean remarked as the three potential inductees straightened their _toques._

"Don't worry about it, my love." Celestia replied. "This will be fun, I can tell. Besides, all I have to do is make my pancakes. We both know I'm a shoo-in with those."

"Baked! Get out of here!" Flageolet shouted. "Mares only!"

"I'm going, Nana! I'm going!" he replied. "Good luck, Love."

"Thanks," she replied with a quick nip to his ear.

Bean then reluctantly left the kitchen, leaving Celestia to inhale deeply and give a grunt of determination while looking everything over.

She was going to _own_ this, and claim her Bean anew.

"So, what are the rules for this contest of ours?" Luna asked.

"You have them all already." Cannellini replied before nudging Lentil. "Pay attention. You'll need to help us do this when Haricot finds his special somepony."

"Shall we begin?" Luna asked.

"Start whenever you are ready." Cannellini replied with a nod.

"Sister! Chowder! Quickly, to me!"

"Huh?" Chowder offered.

"She means she wants us to come over to where she is." Celestia sighed.

"There is no time to waste! Come, come!" Luna offered with an urgent waving of her hoof.

"C'mon." Celestia sighed with a gentle bump of Chowder's shoulder. "We better see what she wants or she'll start pouting."

"I will not!" Luna replied with a fierce pout. "I simply wish to establish battle plans."

"Battle plans?" Chowder asked.

Luna shushed her with a fierce shushing, as if the mares who were standing five feet away couldn't hear them and she didn't want them to.

"All right, Lulu. What's going on?" Celestia asked.

"The rules for this contest are very open and loose," Luna replied in a soft whisper, and the other two moved in a bit closer to ensure they heard her. "Thus, we can use this to our advantage."

"Oh?" Celestia asked.

"Indeed. This is not much of a challenge, considering that they have laid out no standards to judge by, no time limit within which to work, and no effort is being made to separate us. I thus propose we pool our efforts together. We can ensure the success of all in this manner."

Celestia gave a pleased laugh, and she leaned in closer to Chowder. "Lulu has always been one of the finest strategic minds we have in Equestria. I think she's on to something, and I say we follow her lead. What do you think? Care to join us?"

"Are you kidding?!" Chowder replied with a huge grin. "Who's dumb enough to say no to cooking with the Princesses? I'm with you!"

"Excellent! Now, Luna, I propose that we should ask Lentil to assist us in this undertaking."

There was a high-pitched noise from somewhere behind the gathered mares that would translate out to "Me?" if lowered by a few octaves. A hesitant, light-brown young mare then slowly pushed her way through the crowd, and she bowed deeply before the Princesses.

"What do you say, Lentil?" Celestia asked with an abundance of kindness. "Would you care to help me?"

"Do you really want me to?" she whispered.

"Indeed I do. Come, what would you recommend for us to prepare?"

Lentil straightened, and she took in a long, deep breath.

"Here it comes!" Cannellini warned.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!" Lentil exploded. "I have been _dying_ to meet you for the longest time, Princess, and now! Now I can actually cook with you?!"

"Lima!" Cannellini called out. "We need some paper bags, pronto!"

"It's too quiet in there," Bean remarked softly in worry. Despite being in the familiar setting of his childhood and among his family, he couldn't help but be worried. He had faith in Celestia's abilities, of course; he firmly believed she could do anything. But yet there remained that nugget of doubt: could she cook? Her pancakes were good, but perhaps he was biased. Would a palate more open to scrutiny still see things the same way he did? Should she not hold up to Nana's standards, would she really deny her? How could she? They were already married. And since when was he a prize to be won?

A small smile broke through the worry. His Celly must really love him if she would rise up and take on this challenge to 'win' him.

"Hey! Bean Buddy!" Garbanzo gave his son a friendly nudge. "Stop worrying! Chowder is no stranger to a kitchen, and the Princesses have got to have picked up some cooking skills in the last thousand years. They'll do fine."

"Yeah, you're right," Bean sighed. "I just didn't realize my Nana was running a cult."

"Bean, Buddy. Do you really think that your Grandmother is involved in something nefarious?"

Baked Bean gave his father a long, long look, then slowly shook his head. "I guess it's better not to know. Uncle Budge, did you have to do this too?"

"Nah, Pinto and your Dad had their own initiation ceremony. I remember that Ghost peppers were involved, but then it gets a little hazy." A distant look overcame the balding, mustachioed stallion. "Woke up spooning with a dairy cow with the worst case of dry mouth ever. Nothing happened, but she still gave me a weird look. I haven't been back to Green Hill's farm since."

"Oh! So that's why we get a Hearth's Warming card from Moonica every year!" Haricot proclaimed in understanding while his father tried to hide behind his flagon of cider.

Pinto chuckled and smacked Garbanzo's shoulder. "That was a pretty good one, wasn't it?"

"I hope Chowder isn't feeling overwhelmed," Mung said out of nowhere. His doubts and concerns were beyond obvious while he passed Bean a warm mug of cider and continued. "I mean, she was worried enough about how everypony would take the news before we found out that Celestia and Luna were coming."

Bean took a quick sip from the tankard, and then he sniffed the liquid. "Where did you get this from?"

"This? Oh, it's fresh batch Dad and I just made to celebrate," Mung replied. "Had to use some Greenland apples, though. It's not as good, but it works."

Bean nodded once and took a deep and long swig. It wasn't Sweet Apple Acres good, but it was good enough. A little more tart, and the cinnamon was a bit more rich, but decent enough.

Uncle Pinto offered a few words of encouragement to Mung, but Bean didn't hear what he said. He couldn't help but look over to the still closed door to the kitchen with a million worried thoughts in his own head. He could faintly hear the clattering utensils and pots, but that did nothing to calm him.

"So?" It was Jumping Bean who poked the distracted Prince. "How did you do it?"

"Do what?" Bean asked with a confused glance towards his cousin who was on the cusp of stallionhood.

"Bag the Princess, of course! OW!" A swift hoof to the back of the impetuous teen's head from Pinto seemed to silence him.

"That's the diarch of our good nation, and a lady, _colt._ Don't be so crude," Pinto glowered at his son before looking to his nephew turned Prince. "But he does have a good point though. How did you do it?"

"You guys did see the story in the papers, right?" Bean couldn't help but dislike how the stallions of his family now looked at him. Was it awe? Envy?

"Yes, yes, it was all there, but it still doesn't explain how this all happened." Pinto replied in bewilderment. "You gotta admit this whole thing is beyond surreal."

"Tell me about it." Balanced Budget exclaimed. "I read it in the paper, saw the pictures, heard it from Lima and Garbo and yet I still expected it to be a practical joke when I came here today. Oh, no offense Bean."

"No, it's alright. It sure felt like that when she told me about the Law, believe me." Bean gave a distant look down into his half empty mug. "I still wake up sometimes and can't believe it. I just … it was surreal, sure. The Law, Luna's antagonism, the forced wedding, all of that was like some kind of waking nightmare at times. But then we'd talk, and she'd look at me with those eyes, and the expression on her face …"

Bean smiled warmly while the memories of his unorthodox courtship passed rapidly before him in review. "I guess we were both looking for something a bit more in life. I wanted to find my place in the world, and Celly was … well, I don't know if I'll ever know fully what brought Celestia to me, or what she sees in me. All I know is that when she is with me, and when I'm with her, we feel complete. It's almost like we're the last piece of the puzzle that was needed in each of our lives."

The silence between the stallions was held in thoughtful and respectful silence for a moment before being broken by Haricot.

"So, with you being married and all, does that mean you and the Princess share a bed?"

Bean's cheeks flushed red yet again, and he glanced around in an effort for somepony to step in and help him out of this awkward question. When nopony did he had no choice but to answer truthfully.

"Um, well … yeah."

All at once he could sense things go a bit more quiet and he could almost feel a rise in testosterone. He was afraid of what was going to be asked next.

"Huh. So … "

Bean felt like he was staring down a fully loaded freight train bound for Dead Horse Pass at full speed, and he grabbed frantically at the only metaphorical brake lever he could see.

"Have you and Chowder decided on an exact date, Mung?"

And just like that everything gently eased back into normality. Bean knew the question was on their minds, but the Beans always were a proper sort, regardless of who their partner was, and they all knew there were some things a gentlestallion simply did not discuss. He smiled in unison with Mung's dopey grin, and he eagerly listened as the plans for the next wedding were laid out before them.

"That is quite the … uh, _unique_ method you have there, Princess Luna." Cannellini remarked with wide eyes. The Mare of Eventide was, at that precise moment, disemboweling a squash by running the largest chef's knife she could find through what would equate to an abdomen on the cucurbita, flicking the knife down the length of it in a smooth and lethal stroke, and then quickly trimming the seeds out with the tip of her blade.

"Just Luna, please. We are family here, are we not, Aunt Cani?"

"The Princess of the Moon is calling me Aunt." Cannellini muttered with a shake of her head. "This'll be a good one for my therapist."

"No, no, no." Sieva stopped Celestia before she poured the chopped carrots into the pot before her. "Vegetable oil and some heat first, then the carrots. Trust me."

"Here, you'll want just a dash of paprika in there, too," Lima added. "Gives it a little kick."

"I thought only one Bean Clan member was allowed to help," Celestia remarked with a grin.

"Ah, yes, but the problem is the Code of the Beans isn't very well enforced," Lima replied with a devious grin. "We should really work on that."

The other mares in the kitchen — who had all begun to prep some component of the upcoming meal on their own — agreed heartily with Lima's statement while laughing.

"Chowder?" Pole called out. "How did you meet Mung, anyway?"

"We met in college, actually," Chowder replied with a tittering laugh. "We had an equish class together, and I asked him to join me at lunch one day. We really started to bond after we found out when we both were really into Unification-era history, and that we both admired Princess Luna. I mean, did you girls know she once took a force of 500 ponies and managed to decimate an opposing force of sasquatch three times their size?"

Luna chuckled a bit, and her blade met the cutting board before her with a solid _thunk_. "That was quite the battle, but I fear the details of the First Sasquatchary Wars have become distorted over the years. While I had complete faith in my regiments, there is simply no way I would bring them to oppose such a numerically superior army. Our forces were equal in strength on that occasion, but superior training won the day."

"That doesn't ruin the magic, does it?" Celestia asked Chowder.

"No, that actually makes complete sense. Back then you could win and lose battles based simply on the number of fighters you had. Besides, weren't those 500 all pegasi?"

"Indeed they were. The Sasquatch never were able to develop an effective defense against flying ponies."

"Flying ponies." Pole muttered under her breath with a scoff.

"Ma, not now," Lima warned with a groan. "Don't ruin the mood, please?"

"What? I'm sure you told her about my feelings on the matter. It's just not right."

"Why don't you like pegasi?" Chowder asked, with perhaps a bit more of an edge in her voice than she intended.

"Oh, I love pegasi. Finest workers I ever employed, they were always the best and most consistent tippers, and I've yet to meet one I haven't instantly liked. You are a very intelligent mare, and you and Mung will be outstanding together. I simply think that it's strange that you can fly."

"Why is that?" Celestia asked.

"Look at the physical makeup of any pony in Equestria. We all are built to traverse the earth. Our hooves, our legs, our muscle groupings and skeletal features, all of it. Don't you think pegasi should be more adapted to the sky and the clouds? Shouldn't their form and design be different?"

"But what if the pony form is the best for flying?" Luna pressed.

"Please, can we not get into this?" Lima begged.

"Yes, let's not discuss this now," Pole agreed with a nod. "I know my viewpoint is very strange and slightly offensive, and this is meant to be a happy time. Chowder, you will be a fantastic Bean. Don't let this old and senile mare make you think otherwise."

"Thanks." Chowder replied. "And I can actually understand where you're coming from, a little."

"I'll talk it over with you later. For now, do you and Mung have a date set?"

"It depends on if Pri—" She stopped, then tried again. "If _Luna_ is willing to perform our marriage."

"I would be most honored to wed the cousin of my brother-in-law," Luna proclaimed with a broad smile. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, we were thinking of a midnight wedding, under the moonlight on an open veranda or plaza, perhaps somewhere in Canterlot." Chowder sighed, but Luna's eyes lit up and she leaned forward with a badly suppressed smile.

"I am an instant fan of this idea. Please go on."

"So why does everyone call her Chowder?" Garbanzo asked.

"Ah, yeah." Mung laughed. "It's actually an old family nickname. She loved chowder as a filly, couldn't get enough of it. I think her father gave it to her, but I'm not quite sure."

"Not bad. Better than how we came up with Uncle Budge, eh?" Garbanzo laughed and ribbed Balanced Budget with a wink. "How are things over at the _Waffle Emporium,_ by the way?"

"Steady, but perhaps a bit slow," Budget replied. "I don't think I'll have to go back to selling shower curtain rings anytime soon, but I have had to make a cut here and there. Think I can get in on that popularity wave you've been riding?"

"That's easy enough," Bean piped up. "Celestia and I will stop by sometime and have a meal there. You'll be swamped for months after that."

"That would probably do it," he chuckled. "Thanks, Bean."

"What good is a royal position if I can't abuse it for a little nepotism, right?"

"Right," Budget laughed with the others.

"What's it like living in the Palace?" Pinto asked now. "It's gotta be a pretty sweet gig."

"Actually, if I'm being totally honest it does have some annoyances. Yeah, everything is gilded or plush, but it's really hard to do anything for yourself. Really, that's been the biggest adjustment. I don't have to make my bed anymore, I don't have to sweep and mop, or wash dishes, or go buy more supplies, or do laundry, or even write if I wanted. There's a pony for all of that and more, so Celestia and I can focus on meetings and legislation. Oh, and the meetings!" He laughed in annoyance. "Those meetings! It's amazing how much Celestia needs to be involved with things. Most of it I get and it makes sense, but I really have wondered why more local decisions can't be made."

"Maybe they are being made," Pinto observed, "and you're only getting what you have to get."

"I've had that thought too, and if so then there are a ton of meetings going on. I think the meetings will improve once I figure out what they're even talking about. One of the first meetings I sat in on was a two hour discussion on the proper road base to be used for a roadway between Baltimare and Fillydelphia. I thought for sure I was going to die of boredom."

"That's still not bad, you just sit around all day."

"Yeah, but that's almost the worst part of it all," Bean replied in thought. "I'm so used to moving and standing all day long that sitting starts to drive me nuts. I get this burning urge to just _move_ sometimes, like I have to go do something since I've been sitting for so long. I'll get used to it too, same as everything else, but it's going to take awhile."

"Well, that's not a bad thing," Pinto observed. "There's that management style that...oh, what was it, Budge?"

"Managing by walking around?"

"Yeah! That. I know I'd like to hear that my new prince is walking around, getting involved in things, talking to ponies. If you're doing that, then we commoners can see that you're trying, that you want to make things better, if that makes sense. If we only ever hear about you sitting in an office somewhere, then it seems like you're just enjoying the perks without doing anything for them."

"I hadn't thought of that," Bean remarked as he contemplated the notion.

"I mean, you do what you gotta do in the end, but at the very least you're not stuck in a chair all day long, getting all fat and lazy."

"The Princess gets around anyway, right?" Jumping asked. "Like, she doesn't just sit on the throne and make everypony come to her, right?"

"No, she gets around in the palace quite a bit," Bean said with a bit of a laugh. "She has to sit for Day Court, but as soon as that's over she's up and moving, especially if it was boring."

"So, really, you should be able to keep moving, and get things done." Garbanzo replied.

"Yeah. I actually have been in the kitchens enough that Chef Sugar Beet just says 'hi' now and lets me do whatever I want. If I need to, I can always find a little of home there."

"Good," Garbanzo said with a smile. "You may not have been destined to be a cook, but I would hate for your skill to go to waste. You still have a fair amount of talent in that, son."

"Don't worry. I still owe Celestia a romantic dinner," Bean chuckled. "But speaking of which, what do guys think I should make?"

"I did not!" Lima protested with a laugh as she whisked furiously.

"You did too!" Sieva replied with her own laugh. "There was sour cream everywhere!"

The other mares in the room laughed as Lima sputtered a bit but bobbed her head in begrudging acknowledgement of the truthfulness of her sister's accusation. Lima had been quite the troublemaker in her earlier years, if all of the stories were true, and Sieva seemed to be beyond happy to share them.

"Are you done with that yet?" Flageolet asked.

"Just about … there." Lima replied, and she quickly drizzled her sauce over a large pile of fried carrots and zucchini.

Celestia smiled broadly as she looked over the feast that had been prepared. The Bean mares had made enough food to feed themselves and the waiting stallions, but more importantly the stories they had shared while they had made the meal had given her wonderful insights into her in-law's lives, their pasts, and their hopes and dreams for the future.

And the Bean Clan wasn't half bad, in the end. She had, once again, done accidently well for herself.

"All right, let's see here." Flageolet remarked, and she walked by the dishes on the warming table, glancing them over with a critical eye. Chowder gulped in nervousness, but then smiled when she glanced over to Luna and caught her reassuring smile and wink.

"It looks good to me, personally." Adzuki remarked. "I think they did quite well."

"So it would seem," Flageolet said with a nod. "Let's see. Fried Carrots And Zucchini with Lima's Special Sauce, Pineapple Fried Rice, Squash and Asparagus Casserole with extra cheesy potatoes, Broccoli and Tempah, and Cheddar Biscuits. This all looks very respectable. So, allow us a minute to confer with the others."

Celestia and Luna held their heads high, and Luna's wing pushed Chowder's chin up as the others huddled and conversed.

"Be proud of your work, young Chowder," Luna remarked. "You have offered your finest, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. I believe you will find a fair reward from the Bean family awaits you."

"You're right." Chowder remarked with a firm grin. "I have, and I _will_ be a Bean."

"That's the spirit."

"Though, since Baked is going to be my cousin-in-law does that mean I get some sort of royal title?"

"You do, but it is symbolic," Celestia replied. "We have determined that you and the other Beans shall be titular Barons and Baronesses. I believe Wysteria is working out all of the pesky details to make it official, but you should be able to introduce yourself as Baroness at your wedding."

"Baroness Chowder," she tried out the title. "Huh, doesn't sound quite right. I guess I should use my real name if I'm going to do that."

"Baroness Sugar Sweet does have a pleasing ring to it," Luna agreed before the huddle broke and the official Bean mares faced the inductees.

"You have cooked an acceptable meal." Flageolet said solemnly. "The Code of the Beans is very clear on this point: you're in."

"What?" Chowder asked. "That's it?"

"It's not very hard to become a Bean." Aunt Adzuki replied while the others smiled from ear to ear. "You could have burned water and gotten in. It's more important to us that you tried, and that we got to know you all better. Welcome to the family, Chowder."

A small cheer erupted, laughter and a few hugs were shared, and then Luna and Celestia gathered up the prepared meal in their magic.

"I do believe we should share the good news with the stallions," Celestia said with a great deal of happiness in her voice. "I'm sure Mung will be happy to know Chowder has been accepted, and my dear Bean will not have to worry anymore about the Princesses of Equestria being denied."

"Yes, but remember you three," Nana replied with a sneaky smile, "you need to act like this was difficult and draining on you."

"Why?"

"So the stallions feel guilty and take care of the clean up."

"I bet my Mungie and Baked will be more than happy to take care of that." Chowder replied with a laugh.

"I'm surprised they aren't back here already," Luna remarked.

And on cue, Baked Bean burst through the door with a delightfully worried look on his face. Mung tumbled in right after him, his eyes wide with worry, and they both glanced around for a moment.

"Is everything alright?" Mung asked first. "It got quiet."

"Couldn't be better," Chowder replied with a gigantic smile. "Let's go eat, Mungie, and I'll tell you what happened."

* * *

"I'm glad we did this," Bean remarked from under Celestia's wing. "It was good to see everypony again, and now you are officially an official Bean."

"Did you doubt that I would be?" she asked with a light laugh.

"No, but I was worried about what Nana was up to," he replied with a yawn. Between the sway of the rail car, his full stomach, and the excitement of the day, he was beginning to feel drowsy. "I'm glad it was just a way to get to know you better."

"I think it's a fine tradition, and we should carry it on when our foals get married," Celestia remarked.

"Yeah, that would be fun. I can only imagine how intimidated the poor mare will be when they find out that the Princess wants them to cook a meal as a final test of worthiness."

"I'll let Luna handle that. You wouldn't believe how intimidating she can be."

Luna scoffed. "True as that may be, there is very little that is more intimidating than the Parents. I will assist as needed, of course, but in the end I think Celly will be keen to take the role herself."

"I'll get to work on my stern face then," Celestia laughed.

"So how's it feel to be a Bean, Luna?" Bean asked.

Luna smiled deeply at the question. "It actually is quite nice. I enjoy having in-laws and cousins again, even if it is by my sister's marriage. Perhaps, someday, I shall find another, but for now, I believe I shall be quite content to be an honorary Bean."

"Good." Bean replied through a shared yawn with Celestia. "That means I don't have to worry about finding a Tortilla for you."

"Didn't I warn you about horribly painful and yet delightfully vague?" Luna replied with an amused and most pleasant chuckle.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

And for your reading enjoyment, a handy guide to Baked Bean's extended family:

Soy[m] and Pole[f] (mid 70s)  
-Sieva[f] (48)  
-Lima (44)

Flageolet [f] (late 60's)  
-Cannellini [f](45) & Balanced Budget [m] (44)  
~Mung [m](20) & Sugar Sweet 'Chowder' [f](20)  
~Lentil [f] (17)  
~Haricot [m] (14)

-Pinto[m](43) & Adzuki[f](43)  
~Jumping [m](18)  
~Fava[f](14)

-Garbanzo (41)  
~Baked (23)

Yes, this means that Garbanzo had a foal at 18. He started young. Don't judge. :)


	4. - Tea Time

"Discord?!" Bean bellowed, as a conga line of cuckoo clocks honked by him while performing the Cancan. "How much longer is this going to take?!"

As fun as it was to have those tedious little things known as relativity and the laws of physics rendered completely moot, Bean would feel much better if gravity would be his friend again.

"Why are you shouting? I'm right here," the draconequus replied from over Bean's shoulder, causing a gasp of alarm. "And never fear, _mon capitaine!_ I just wanted to let you have a look around, since we had a few minutes to spare. We'll be inside Fluttershy's cottage as soon as we're needed."

"This is where you live?" Bean asked, while he watched some books flap by with a whistling ping.

"Well, this is where I want to build the outdoor pool once I get the Master Bathroom done," he replied as he waved to a specific spot of nothingness. "Priorities, you know."

"Uh huh," Bean replied. "I've heard that adds value to the home."

"Just avoid the bottomless pit and the flying badgers, no matter what. They've been held up in customs all day, and that's enough to make any creature mad, y'know?"

"Flying badgers. Of course." Bean looked around. "Is that your house?"

"Yes, but don't bother asking me for a cup of sugar. I don't have any."

Bean thought for a moment as he floated on. "Would you happen to have some sugarn't?"

"As a matter of fact, I do!" Discord proclaimed gleefully. "But that will have to wait until you have a proper container for it. You wouldn't want your wifey-poo to get a hold of that stuff."

"Good point."

"Well, here we are!" Discord proclaimed as a sparking portal opened beside the both of them. "Just step through there, and you'll find yourself smack on Fluttershy's couch. Please, you first. I insist."

Bean's legs waved furiously but movement in any direction remained an illusion. Discord watched this display of futility for a moment with a flat look, but then he simply grabbed Bean by the tail and began swinging him in a tight circle over his head. Once he had enough inertia, Discord released the now screaming Royal, and Bean hurtled head first through the portal …

… and on to Fluttershy's couch.

It took a moment for Bean to realize he was all right, save for the fact that he was on his head. He was pretty sure he could feel four legs, a snout, and a pair of ears. Nothing felt broken or misplaced.

"Oh! Prince Bean!"

"Fluttershy!" Discord gleefully scooped up the pegasus and gave her a large hug. "So good to see you again, my dear!"

"Oh, um, it's nice to see you too, but I think we need to turn the Prince right-side up. Unless he's comfortable like that."

"I'm fine," Bean offered, and he flipped himself upright while simply waving his legs, counting them again to make sure there were still only four of them. "Though I think I'll take the train next time."

"Further posh!" Discord exclaimed. "By the time I'm done with you you'll never want to ride on a train again!"

"I like trains," Fluttershy offered. "They're very soothing, and I like to watch the trees go by."

Discord growled slightly while he put Fluttershy on the ground. "Yes, well. I have heard steam power is the way of the future."

Bean shared a worried glance with Fluttershy. This was a fine way to kick things off.

"I do have to admit it was kinda fun to fly," Bean offered. "Maybe I'll like your way better once I figure out how to steer."

"I suppose I could give you a few pointers," Discord replied with a wary look. "If there is a next time, that is."

"Oh! Will Prince Bean be joining us again?" Fluttershy asked with subdued glee.

"Didn't I tell you?" Discord replied, and Fluttershy shook her head. "Huh, must have slipped my mind."

Bean then felt something brush past his legs, and a six-inch version of himself, a scroll in his tiny hoof, ran by when he glanced down. Bean offered a snort of amusement as the mini Bean made a superpony leap up and shoved the scroll down one of Discord's ears, and Fluttershy giggled a little at the show.

"That's all right, Discord. I think we can always accommodate one more," Fluttershy offered. "Welcome, Your Highness, to my home."

"I'm a little short to be a highness," Bean replied with a smile, "but thank you. I hope I'm not an imposition."

"Oh, not at all!" Fluttershy said with a pleased smile. "Discord, did you bring the cucumber sandwiches?"

"But of course, my dear!" He produced a large tray of them from behind his back. "I could never forget these!"

"Wonderful! I have some haychips and rye crackers ready to go, and the water should almost be ready. Do either of you have a preference on the tea?"

"Don't ask me," Bean chuckled. "They still all taste the same to my poor taste buds. Discord, you pick."

"Yes, what would you like?" Fluttershy asked Discord with a very earnest look.

"Oh, I always liked a good Camembert," Discord replied while the cucumber sandwich tray floated to the table. "Why don't we try that?"

"Isn't that a cheese?" Bean asked with a confused look.

"My dear Bean!" Discord gasped in horror. "Please don't tell me you've never had the pleasure of enjoying a cheese tea?!"

"Um … I'm afraid I'll have to confess to having never tried a cheese tea."

"Well, that changes today! My dear, if you would be so kind," Discord replied with a bow to her, but Fluttershy's eyes darted back and forth as she surveyed the ground.

"Um, Discord? I'm afraid I don't have any cheese tea either."

"No? Well, it's a good thing I just so happen to have some here with me. " Discord replied, and he plucked three tea bags from out of his armpits. "Here we are! This should be more than enough."

Bean went slightly pale, and his legs threatened to buckle. _Steady, Baked. He can't poison you. Celly would rip his goatee off if he did. Just ignore the blatant health code violations, and you'll be fine._

"Why, thank you!" Fluttershy proclaimed as she took the bags. "Are there any special instructions for steeping them?"

"Oh, no. They should work just like any other tea," Discord replied with a small scoff. "They might scream when you put them in the water, but don't mind that."

"Oh, Discord!" she giggled. "I'll be right back."

"How many kinds of cheese tea are there?" Bean asked as he and Discord sat on Fluttershy's couch.

"Sadly, only about six or so, but the R&D department is hard at work on a Limburger flavor as we speak."

Bean pulled a disgusted face as a second Discord in a lab coat and safety goggles dropped down from the ceiling, head-first, gave them both a thumbs-up while holding a beaker in one paw and a block of said repulsiveness in the other talon, and then quickly retreated the way he'd come.

"No offense, but I'll pass on that. My parents once bought a block to experiment with, and we couldn't get rid of the smell for months. That stuff still haunts my nightmares sometimes."

"Don't worry, Bean-o. I keep only the private label stuff for you."

"Thanks, I guess?"

Discord smiled. "What was that word again? Ah yes! You are _welcome._ Oo, it makes my tongue tingle! Really, there should be a song about that."

Bean snickered a little, and then sighed as he looked around Fluttershy's cottage. It was a quaint place, and Bean rather liked the simplistic layout of the room. The various pet beds, birdhouses, and other bric-a-brac that went along with caring for animals added a peaceful air and serene ambiance, and he tried to imagine what it must be like when the room was full of critters instead of ponies.

He then took in a deep breath, and he mentally noted the smell of the room, or more specifically the lack thereof. He had expected her house to smell more 'animal-ish,' given the natural by-product of the various woodland critters she cared for, but instead of dander and poo-poo smell — as his mother would put it — he found that her home actually had just a faint hint of mountain breeze and citrus.

He then wondered how long it had taken Fluttershy to get her home this clean, and he hoped her animals weren't too upset about what his visit had meant for them. He could imagine the lecture he'd get about using his royal position inappropriately when Celestia found out about the poor creatures being tossed out for his sake, and then the lengthy 'discussion' on how to not inconvenience others.

"Here we go!" Fluttershy announced. She trotted cheerfully in, and a large brown bear followed after her with the tea set on a tray in his paws. Bean watched on and was impressed as the bear gently made his way over to the table, slowly lowered the tray, and daintily placed it down. He then straightened and gave everypony a look that begged for feedback on his performance.

"That was wonderful, Harry!" Fluttershy cheered softly. "You've been practicing, I can tell."

Harry gave a pleased grunt and a smile, but then he turned to Discord.

"Hm?" Discord had been filing a talon, and then he waved his paw in the general direction of Harry. "Yes, yes. Very good."

Harry looked annoyed for a moment, but he was right back to curious when he turned to Bean.

"You did do good, but may I offer one bit of advice?"

Harry nodded.

"Keep your back straight and bend at the knees. When you bend with your back the natural tendency is to tilt, and you could spill what you are carrying. You can also avoid backaches that way."

Harry nodded with a large smile, bent down at the knees, and scooped Bean up into a literal bear hug. Though he was surprised, Bean chuckled a little as he returned the favor, and Harry happily sauntered out of the room after returning him to the couch.

"Harry has been working on his manners," Fluttershy explained while she began to pour out the tea. "He's made wonderful progress so far, and I know he appreciated your help too, Prince Bean."

"Just call me Bean, please," he replied with a small smile. "I'm not here as a royal, I'm here as Discord's friend and guest."

"And I think that is just wonderful," Fluttershy replied with a friendly pat on his talon. "He really is a sweetheart, once you get to know him."

Discord giggled a bit behind his paw, and the cucumber sandwiches floated over towards Bean.

"Thanks," he offered before taking a sniff. "Did you do the prep work on these, Discord?"

Discord scoffed. "Do you think I made these appear out of thin air?"

"Do you like chaos?" he retorted.

"Fine, yes. I did."

"May I offer a teensy weensy suggestion?"

"Suggestion? My dear Bean-o, these were conjured out of nothing at the peak of freshness."

"No, not that. Try adding just a dash of lemon juice. It gives the cucumber a little kick."

Discord looked at the sandwich he'd taken in his talon and contemplated Bean's suggestion. Bean, for his part, took a nibble of his sandwich and savored the flavor, but then he began to fret that he had overstepped his bounds. It wasn't really his place to offer critiques of the snacks that had been provided, and he was not a food critic.

He was a ruler of Equestria. He needed to be gracious, kind. He needed to offer praise and support.

He needed to be more like Celestia. She wouldn't criticize the food, she would simply enjoy it.

"You know, Bean-o may be onto something," Discord offered. "Maybe I will add some lemon. I bet it would make it zestfully clean."

"I'll try one when you do make them," Fluttershy said with a smile.

"I should take some cooking lessons from you, ol' Bean. I bet you have some wonderfully chaotic concoctions I could try."

"Maybe one or two," he admitted. There were more than a few failed recipes that had occurred in Beandom throughout the ages, and he could see Discord enjoying them immensely.

But perhaps now was not the time to admit to them being failures. He didn't want to run the risk of offending Discord with this knowledge.

"Here you are, Bean." Fluttershy offered a teacup to Bean, and he gave a soft nod to her before taking a deep sniff.

He then recoiled a bit. It was tea, yet it had the distinct aroma of a finely crafted Camembert cheese. It was quite the contradiction, and he peered into the cup just to make sure there wasn't an actual lump of of the stuff in there.

"Discord, this is delightful!" Fluttershy offered. "I really like the taste of it."

"I'm glad you like it, my dear," Discord replied with a smile. "What about you, Bean? What do you think?"

"It certainly smells good," he offered. "I, uh … well, let me see."

Bean took a slow and thoughtful slurp, paused, and then took another sip.

"Well?" Discord asked eagerly.

"It is good, but you'll have to forgive me. I'm not used to drinking cheese."

"So you don't like it?" Discord pouted.

"No, no!" Bean offered quickly. "I do like it. I just need to adjust to the fact that it is drinkable cheese."

Oh, Celestia was going to wring him and then hang him out to dry, he just knew it. He should have said it was good right off.

"Next time I'll bring an Edam for you to try. You'll like the texture."

"Speaking of which, what can I bring to the next tea date?" Bean asked.

"Oh, you don't have to bring anything," Fluttershy replied. "Just having you here is nice enough."

"No, I insist. You provided the venue and some snacks, Discord brought the tea, but I didn't bring anything. I really want to provide something too. What if I bring some sugar cookies?"

"I would like that," Fluttershy replied. "You don't have to, but if you'd like to bring some, that would be wonderful."

"I'll do that, then. My mom has a pretty good tea cookie recipe. Small and bite sized, good for dipping."

"Fluttershy, didn't you say there were some haychips?" Discord asked while he looked under the cushion he was now levitating in the air.

"Oh my goodness, I forgot them! I'll be right back."

Fluttershy quickly flew into the kitchen area as Discord came down and sat properly again, but then he gave Bean a rather serious look.

"Lighten up, Bean-o! This is supposed to be fun, and full of that magical friendship business. You look like you're going to have a aneurysm on me."

"Do I?" he asked before letting out a pent-up breath. "I'm just nervous. I don't have a lot of experience with these kinds of things. I don't want to ruin everything by doing something dumb."

"And then having the missus chew you out, I bet," Discord replied with a smirk. "Bean, let me tell you a secret," Discord offered. "The trick to enjoying a tea party…"

Bean leaned forward a little, and he nodded his head to get Discord to finish the statement.

"... is to actually enjoy yourself."

"Oh," was the best reply Bean could manage.

"Really, Bean-o, if your wife has you on that short of a leash then you need to rethink your life. You are having tea with _moi,_ the reining chaos champion for over a thousand years straight; and Fluttershy, the most easy-going and 'oh, that's ok' pony in the history of Ever. I don't think we could get you into trouble if we tried."

"It's not you two I worry about," Bean sighed. "It's what I will do, or not do."

"Bean, I want you to take a good, hard look at who you are talking to and then I want you to use those writing skills you've been working on to come up with any plausible scenario that would get you into hot water."

"That's easy. All I have to do is say something offensive, or run afoul of some unknown custom that you two have. Fluttershy may be kind, but even she is bound to have her limits. What if I inadvertently say something disparaging about one of her animal friends? That would cook my cucumber real fast."

"Well, you are in for an absolutely miserable time then," Discord proclaimed. "I can assure you that there is no way you possess the capability to offend Fluttershy, given the fact that even I have yet to offend her here. If you want to be afraid of every last word and every little movement you make then fine, but I am sure you would disappoint her more by doing that then by doing anything else. Relax and be yourself! That is what she really wants."

Bean mulled over this just as Fluttershy returned with the bowl of chips.

"Bean?" she asked. "Are you alright?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm good. Discord was just giving me some good advice on proper tea expectations."

"Oh, I don't think we really have any expectations here, other than to have fun," she replied in kindness.

"It's hard not to with such good company."

"Discord was telling me he helped you out in Court a few days ago."

"He did, and he was very helpful too," Bean offered, to which Discord gave a pleased scoff. "What did he tell you about it?"

"Well, he said he couldn't tell me much about the details, but he did say it was a tricky decision and that you did a good job with your ruling. It must be very difficult getting adjusted to being a Prince."

"Somewhat, but Celestia has been patient with me, and slowly I'm getting the hang of it. There's a lot to learn, I'm finding out. I need to study history, legislation, diplomacy, etiquette, combat …"

"Combat?" Fluttershy asked with a hint of worry.

"Just some self-defense, nothing too in-depth for now. Celestia says she wants me to know enough to get myself out of a bad situation and to get the Guards into it. I agree with her: I just want to avoid being dead weight if something like that happens."

"Well, I certainly hope it doesn't," said Fluttershy with a pat of Discord's talon. "But you would help Bean out too if something bad happened, right?"

"My dear Fluttershy, I hardly think we need to worry about that. I believe Princess Celestia would be the one to rescue our stallion in distress before anypony else."

"I'd rather avoid all that too," Bean chuckled. "I know I would turn Equestria inside out if I had to for Celly, and I think she would do the same for me, but it would be best if we don't go there."

"I know I always feel a little bad when we used the Elements of Harmony, but it always worked out for the best," Fluttershy remarked. "I'm glad you have good friends to help you out, just like I do."

"I am too. I know I'm gonna need all the help I can get to keep from totally ruining Equestria," he said with a glance to Discord. "But the friends I have, and the ones I have yet to meet, are sure to help me avoid such a calamitous fate."

"You just let me know if you need anything, and I'll be more than happy to help," Fluttershy offered. "And I know the other girls will do whatever they can, too. We're all here for you."

"Thank you," said Bean with a deeply grateful smile. He felt the warmth of friendship burning in his chest, and he was amazed that there were so many who would do so much to help him out. He knew he didn't deserve all of this support, but he was immensely pleased it was there and that it gave him something to stand on.

"Discord, why don't you tell us one of your stories?" Fluttershy asked with a soft smile for her draconequus friend. "I bet Bean would love to hear one."

"Yeah, tell!" Bean offered with a slight laugh. "I've always heard one way to become a better writer it to read and listen to a lot of other stories."

"Oh, well," Discord stammered playfully with some red on his cheeks. "If you two simply insist. Have I ever told you about the time I trained my right paw to fetch my left leg?"

Bean, Discord, and Fluttershy chuckled heartily. Discord had quite a few interesting and amusing stories, and Bean couldn't help but laugh at his antics.

"Oh, Discord!" Fluttershy remarked after her giggles had settled down. "You'll have to show me how to do that sometime."

"I would love to, my dear," Discord replied, but then a cuckoo clock appeared right next to him in a flash of light and chimed, sending the cuckoo in one ear and out the other several times. "Oh, but look at the time! I'm afraid I have to get Bean back to Canterlot."

"Oh, do you have to go already?" Fluttershy asked somewhat sadly.

"Yeah, I do," Bean replied. "This has been fun, but Celly and I are heading to the Crystal Empire this afternoon. I need to get back so I can head out with her."

A knock at the door caught everypony's attention, but Discord quickly stood and began moving to the door. "I'll get it! It's probably my supply of whoopie cushions. Pinkie Pie keeps stealing them off my porch, you know, so I have to send them elsewhere to prevent that."

"Well, say hello to Cadance and Shining Armor for me when you do get there," said Fluttershy to Bean as they both stood. "I think you'll really like the Crystal Ponies, and make sure you get a chance to see the Crystal Heart. It's really quite neat. Oh, and if you can, you should go see the tiny ewes in their petting zoo. They're just so adorable!"

"Well hello!" Discord exclaimed. "I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Good afternoon, Discord!" Celestia's voice drifted into the house, and Fluttershy's pupils shrank to pinpricks.

"Oh my goodness! Princess Celestia, here?! Oh, I hope she doesn't mind the mess!"

"Come in, come in!" Discord offered. "Care for some tea?"

"I would normally say yes, but I'm afraid we need to be going."

"I was just about to bring him back, tags and all, you know." Discord reached out with one clawed hand and produced a mattress tag from the inside of the vest Bean had not been wearing two seconds ago that promised exile to the moon if removed.

"I don't doubt that you were, but I decided to come get him myself since we had to pass by this way anyway." Celestia ducked slightly to keep from impaling the rafters and birdhouses. "Fluttershy, hello! I hope I'm not causing a disruption by coming here."

"You, a disruption?" Fluttershy replied with a panicked smile and several quick breaths. "Not at all! I was just getting everything tidied up here, that's all!"

"Good, I would hate for you to have a panic just because I am here. Did my Bean behave himself?" she asked playfully.

"Bean? Oh, he was a delight!" Fluttershy replied. "It was nice to have him here, and he and Discord had a lot of good stories and jokes to tell."

"Bean-o was on his best behavior, Celly," Discord added. "He even offered to bring sugar cookies to the next tea party."

"He did? Well, I shall have to have a sample of them first to ensure they are fit for a tea party of such distinction as this one," Celestia replied with a wink for her husband. "May I be so impetuous as to invite myself to accompany Bean next week?"

"Of course you can come!" Fluttershy immediately replied. "We would love to have you here."

"Are you sure? I know you started this for yourself and Discord. I don't want to interrupt that."

"Not at all!" Discord replied, and he threw his talon over her withers. "So long as you can tolerate a little chaos, we would love to have you."

"It … _can_ get a little chaotic at times," Fluttershy added. "We had a nice Camembert cheese tea today, for example."

"Camembert?" Celestia asked. "Interesting. Camembert is good, but I always prefered Edam, or perhaps a nice Brie."

"What luck, I was just saying I had a nice Edam to bring next time!" Discord proclaimed. "You simply _must_ come next week."

"How about we make it tentative?" Celestia offered. "I will plan on coming, but if you would feel better with my absence then please say so. I won't be offended at all."

"We'll take that under advisement. Now, off you go!" he replied as he grabbed Bean, placed him on Celestia's back, and then turned her around. "Important meetings to attend to and all that! Don't worry, I'll help Fluttershy tidy up here. Tootles!"

"See you next week, Fluttershy!" Bean called back as they exited, and both Royals waved goodbye before Celestia began walking down the path towards town. He then simply wrapped his arms around her neck, and she gave him a quick giggle for his nip of her ear.

"Did you have a good time?" she asked.

"It was fun, yes. I was a little worried at first about doing something wrong, but once I relaxed it was really nice. Fluttershy is a good host, and Discord has some amusing stories. I'm glad I came."

"I'm glad you did, too," she replied. "Discord needs more friends, and I think he likes you. Hopefully some of your distinct Bean-ness can help influence him."

"Have to be careful with that. Some of his Discord-ness might rub off on me."

Celestia glanced back at him with a smirk. "A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest of ponies."

Bean was about to question that, but he heard her wings pop out, and he instead smiled as his grip tightened slightly.

"Did I mention that I liked flying with you?"

"You didn't have to. I could tell."

Bean whooped with delight as one mighty push of Celestia's wings took them both airborne.

* * *

"I think I'm a bad influence on you," Bean remarked.

"Oh?" Celestia laughed. "How so?"

"The Princess of Equestria, _flying?!_ What is this world coming to? Celestia doesn't fly!"

"I actually quite enjoy flying," she replied with a playful boop for him. "I just don't have much time to do so, and I do have a tendency to fly faster than my guards can. They don't like that very much."

"Speaking of guards, how long were Sergeants Pokey and Clover Leaf hanging out by the front door of Fluttershy's?"

"They took off as soon as we figured out Wysteria was missing, so perhaps fifteen minutes after you had started."

"Wysteria is okay, right?"

"She's fine, yes. She sent me a magic letter from the Pineapple Islands explaining what had happened. I sent a reply saying she should enjoy the time alone with Quillpoint and that we'd see her in a few days. I think she'll enjoy a small break."

"She could send a letter from that far out?"

"It's not easy to do, but with enough magic power behind it she can, yes. There is also the side benefit of no belching at the receiving end."

"You, belch? I'd pay good money to see that."

"You'd better not," she laughed. "For one thing, Luna would need to defend her title."

"You're joking."

"Nope. The Royal Canterlot Voice is nothing compared to that _thu'um_ she's got."

"You have got to be messing with me."

"Provide me with a cold mug of Root Beer and we can settle the matter quickly," Luna replied with a laugh while she entered the rail car. "I won't relinquish my title without a fight, you know."

"One of these days you two will quit surprising me." Bean laughed.

"Just don't get her anywhere near Shining," Celestia whispered loudly from behind a hoof. "They might cause an earthquake."

"Shining?" Luna replied with a scoff. "You should worry more about Cadance."

"Should we just throw Twilight in the ring as well?" Bean asked with a laugh.

"I don't think Twilight could handle seeing such a sight," Celestia replied. "And I can only imagine the rather lengthy essay I would get on how Royalty does not stoop to belching."

"Would she rather it takes the back door?" Luna asked.

"All right, all right," Bean offered. "Before this gets any more out of hoof, let's change the subject. How long before we reach the Empire?"

"Perhaps six hours or so," Celestia replied. "It will depend on the weather."

"There's a storm?"

"The weather around the Empire is similar to the weather in the Everfree. Blizzards will frequently form on their own, and it can make the railroad tracks impassable for a time. However, the last weather report I received indicated that there were no storms in the vicinity. We should be able to continue without any undue delays."

"Huh. That's still so strange to think that weather can work on its own. It would make more sense to me if you said there were a bunch of rogue pegasi with snow clouds running around and making blizzards."

"That might be more logical, but sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction."

"Maybe once I see it for myself," Bean shrugged. "So, what happens once we get there?"

"We'll be greeted by Shining and Cadence, and then we will be treated to dinner before having some time together to chat and retiring for the evening. Tomorrow they will take us on a tour of the Empire, and you'll get to meet many of the crystal ponies during this time, along with the major points of interest in the Empire. It'll be a good time to practice your meet-and-greet skills."

"Will you be with us, Luna?"

"I will not," she replied simply. "I have set up a meeting with Blueblood, and I wish to figure out what went wrong as soon as possible."

"Huh, okay," Bean replied thoughtfully. "When will I meet him, then?"

"You will meet him at dinner this evening," Celestia replied first. "It should be … memorable, to say the least."

"I hope not. I'm not as good as you are at reading body language and vocal tones, but I am willing to bet you don't mean the good type of memorable."

"He'll behave himself, and the meeting should be cordial," Celestia replied with a hard glare. "If he isn't, he's going to find himself negotiating over the most banal things I can find."

"You could always sic Shining on him again," Luna offered with a wicked smile. "I did rather enjoy watching him try to run all those laps the last time."  
"Now, Luna. I do not wish to be the one responsible for giving my beloved nephew a heart attack."

"From running?" Luna scoffed. "That won't cause it. He quite nearly had one when I told him why I had to leave in the first place, so I imagine he will have one all on his own once he finally meets the good Bean. He told me that he hoped you had enough sense to boop a tall, rugged, and charming stallion who would remind him of himself."

"But my Bean is charming," Celestia replied with a quick boop for the one she loved. "I don't care if he can see that or not. I'm keeping this Bean, and I will love him, and hold him, and squeeze him, and hug him, and cuddle him, and keep him warm so he never feels rejected, and …"

"Good moon and stars above, I'll get used to this one day, too," Luna muttered with a smile as Celestia nuzzled her Bean with a playfully delighted giggle. She then rapped her hoof on the side of the car and shouted, "Get this train moving! I am going to be smothered back here if you don't!"


	5. - Blueblood

"Ow, my head," Bean moaned. "How in Equestria do you read this stuff without going cross-eyed?"

"The trick is to tackle it like you would a banquet." Celestia tapped the ream of papers on the desk to straighten them. "Take small portions over a long time, especially with complicated things like this."

"Minister Wise will be happy to see her budget approved, I bet."

"In her own deadpan way, yes." Celestia chuckled. "Just sign this here."

"My first budget!" Bean proclaimed, and he took the wooden handled quill in mouth. "Should we have a picture taken to remember the occasion?"

"We'll have plenty of those when we return to Canterlot and give it back to Minister Wise for implementation," she said while he dipped the steel nib in the ink and signed. "But perhaps we save this authorization paper. It is your first legislative accomplishment, in a way."

"Probably the first time I've been accomplished in anything," he remarked, but then Celestia gave him a not-quite-so playful nip on the ear.

"Stop that. You are an accomplished cook, after all."

"I suppose so," he replied back as she kissed his cheek. Though he had doubts about the validity of that statement he decided it wasn't worth a debate. She was praising him: he should accept it as such. "Does Luna need to sign this as well?"

"She does, but I think it would be best to let her rest for now," she replied while they both turned their attention to her sleeping form. "The duties of the night will not wait, and she will need her energy for them."

"I see what you mean about her looking tortured," he offered with a touch of sadness. Luna was curled up into a tight ball and her face was contorted into what looked like depressed anger, but with a strong hint of self-loathing for some odd reason. "I feel bad for her, and she isn't even doing anything."

"I can only hope that she is not having troubled dreams. That realm lies beyond my abilities, so I cannot assist her unless she allows me in."

"It's a bit surprising that you don't have access to that."

"Not really." She shrugged. "Just about everything has a limit in this world, including magic. I cannot do everything, as much as I might like to, just like anypony else. Dreams are under Luna's power, just like the moon should be."

"So, is there some sort of special ability you have with the sun that she does not?"

"Oh, indeed," she replied in haughtiness. "I have the ability to read budget proposals without going stark raving mad."

"Any chance you could share?"

They both laughed softly before she replied. "I'll see what I can do. I do have prophetic visions from time to time, but I am not sure if that is limited to just me."

"Visions? Woah," Bean said in awe.

"It's not quite as precise as you think. They are rare, and so far they have come to me only when there is something that is a grave threat to Equestria. I did not forsee Discord's first release from stone, for example, so I cannot rely on them to warn me of all potential problems. However, when I do receive them I know that the threat is most dire, and I will do whatever I must to prepare for it."

"Still, that's pretty cool."

"Let's hope I don't have one for a long time, though," she replied.

"I agree. So what should we do now? We still have a few hours before we reach the Empire, I think."

"We do, and I do have something we can try if you'd like."

"I would like," he replied with a curious gaze and an eager grin. "What is it?"

"I've been thinking about how you want to know more about my hobbies, and I thought I might try taking one up again, just to see if I have interest in it."

Bean looked like he might burst with happiness. "Really? What is it? What can I do to encourage you?"

She giggled at his enthusiasm. "Out of all the hobbies I have tried, painting was the one that has held my interest the longest and that I have enjoyed the most. I think that I should try that again."

"I think you should too!" he replied. "What can I help with?"

"Would you like to be my subject?" she replied with a slight grin.

"Princess Celestia wants to paint my portrait? How could I possibly say no?" he said with a laugh. "I'd be honored, my dear."

"Good. Have a seat right there for me." She pointed to a plush chair, and Bean promptly plopped himself into it. "Let's see. I need a canvas and easel first," Celestia thought aloud with her horn alight. Said items then appeared in the rail car with a flash, along with an open wood box that held an impressive collection of paint tins and brushes. "And my supplies, naturally."

"Naturally. How long has it been since you last painted?"

"Only five years."

"Really, that recent?" he asked.

"It's been an off-again, on-again hobby," she replied while she squared away her canvas. "And I don't claim to be a great painter, only a modest one."

"Modest is just fine by me," Bean offered, while Celestia pulled out a palette with her magic and began scooping out small globs of paint to work with. "But I bet whatever you paint will astound me."

"Perhaps," she replied with a smirk. "But I do appreciate the inspiring words. Are you comfortable like that? I'll need you to stay put for a while."

Bean flung himself over the armrests and put a hoof on his hip. "Here we go. Paint me like one of your Prench stallions."

Somehow Celestia didn't laugh, but her lips twitched upwards. "That's not quite how it's supposed to work, love."

"No? How about this, then?" he retorted, and he sat upright before pulling a face that was probably supposed to be dramatic but came off as badly puckered lips. "How's this?"

Celestia didn't bother to try and hold back her snicker that time. "Do you really want that to be preserved and placed on display for all of Equestria to see?"

"I think the question is do _you_ want this face to be on display?" He asked with a quick bob of his eyebrows.

"It is adorable and very kissable, so perhaps not," she replied. "The guards would have to keep all of your fans away from it."

"So, they would have to keep you away?"

"And it is very hard to keep me away from what I love, but I'm not kissing a painting," she said with a shake of her head. "Just be natural. You'll hurt those lovely lips if you hold it like that for too long."

"I think you may be onto something," he replied as he relaxed. "I'm good now. Paint away."

"Hmm, let me see," Celestia thought for minute, and then she took the palette and brush in hoof. "A nice cadmium yellow, with just a touch of—"

"No magic?" Bean interrupted.

"No magic," Celestia confirmed. "Believe it or not, I paint by instinct, without a preliminary sketch or drawing lines all over the canvas. The earth pony I learned from _hated_ it, but in time, he realized that I actually work better this way, and it's stuck ever since. Besides, I use magic for nearly everything I do in a day. It's therapeutic, in a way, to use my hooves to create something."

"That makes sense. I love making new dishes and preparing meals by hoof, so why couldn't that extend to other things?"

"Now that is an interesting thought," she said. "I'm sure Luna told you about Blueblood's more eccentric attitudes, especially regarding so-called 'common' things, but I wonder how he would react if he was served one of your meals in secret."

"I think he'd love it until he found out the truth, and then he'd hate it."

"Most likely," she said as her brush began to move across the canvas. "Still, perhaps we'll have you make a meal all the same."

"If the food is as exotic as you say it is, you may not be able to stop me."

She laughed a little at that, and dipped her brush in more paint. "I never want to stop you, my dear Bean."

"Nor I you."

Celestia smiled. "I don't believe you ever will. Even now you motivate and inspire me, and I do believe you will always do so."

* * *

"You took up painting again?" Luna asked.

"I did," Celestia replied simply.

"Good. You don't take enough time for yourself," Luna looked over her sister's work. "And it is a fair start you have. I dare say it is even as good as your portrait of Star."

"I hope so," Celestia replied. "That still remains my _magnum opus."_

"If anything deserves to replace Star, it is Bean." Luna replied with a soft smile. "For you at least. Perhaps I shall make my own portrait of Star."

"I'll make a special wing just for Royal Husbands. We'll have Cadence provide a portrait of her husband as well."

"Does she know how to paint? I fear she may just cover Shining Armor in phthalo blue and roll him on the canvas."

"I have taught her the wet-on-wet technique, so I'm sure she could paint a lovely winter scene with some happy little clouds. You and I would probably need to coach her some on portraits, however."

"A pet project for another time, I suppose. Where did your husband get to, anyway?"

"Sergeant Clover Leaf pulled him away for a moment to go over some security details. I believe she is mostly showing him where the emergency exits are within the Empire. He should be right back."

A scroll then flashed into existence before the diarchs, and Celestia quickly snagged it in her magic before unfurling and reading it quickly.

"Ah, good news! Pinkamena Diane Pie has graciously accepted my offer to join us in the Crystal Empire. She will join us tomorrow to help finalize plans for the wedding party."

"Pinkamena? Who is that?" Bean asked with a quick close of the door. "Is that Pinkie Pie?"

"It is," Celestia replied and she gave him a quick boop. "All done with the briefing?"

"I think so, but I really hope I never have to use any of those escape routes. Particularly the ones in the sewers."

"As do I, but it is always best to be prepared."

"Right. I think … that …"

Bean's gaze had drifted to something outside the car, and he slowly walked over to the window with wide eyes and mouth agape. Celestia and Luna both chuckled slightly before joining him, and Celestia's wing draped over her astonished beloved.

"Baked Bean, welcome to the Crystal Empire."

The sight before the Bean was one that he knew he had to use at some future point in his writing, and he desperately wished he hadn't left his notebook back in Canterlot. The sudden shift from snow-covered wasteland to lush, green fields was what had first caught his attention, but now that the tracks were bending around the perimeter of the Empire, he was graced with a unparalleled view of the silvery Crystal Palace, and the stately crystal homes and buildings that made up the magnificence before him. His wife's sun reflected off of the structures with a brilliance and sheen that only served to amplify the grandeur of the structures, and his mind whirled in anticipation of what else the luminous Empire held for him to experience.

"I see why they call it an Empire," Bean said softly as he tried to take in the totality of the sight all at once. "This is astounding! All that is made out of crystal?"

"The exact same crystal that now hangs around your neck, yes," Celestia replied with a smile.

"Woah. This thing is, like, indestructible then," Bean remarked with a quick touch of the sun he wore.

"Not quite, but it is extremely resistant to damage."

"So, how much of the Empire is made out of crystal?" Bean began, but both Celestia and Luna smiled as he rattled on without stopping. "Do they harvest it or grow it, or do they mine it? Is it like diamonds, or any other gem we know of? Do they eat it? How did the crystal ponies first come to be? Were they always ponies, and moved here, or—"

"My dear Bean! Breathe!" Celestia admonished with a laugh, and Bean paused long enough to inhale deeply. "All your questions will be answered, but I think we should let Shining Armor and Cadence handle them. It is their kingdom, and they know it best."

"Any chance you could teleport my notebook here?"

Celestia smiled, her horn lit, and Bean's notebook came floating out from under the train bench where it had been hidden.

"You brought it with you?I think I know a sun princess who is due for a wing massage tonight for having amazing foresight into what I would want."

"Mmmm, that sounds good to me," she replied with a nuzzle for him.

"Bean!" Shining Armor called out. "Good to see you again!"

"Good to see you too!" Bean offered, and the two shared a quick hoofbump. "Long time, no see, eh?"

"Right. It's been, what? Two weeks maybe?"

"Something like that. Cadence, hello! It's a pleasure to see you too."

"Welcome to the Empire, Uncle Bean," Cadence offered with a quick hug for him. "We're glad you could come."

"I don't even know how to begin to say what I'm thinking. There really are no words," he offered. "I need Celly to expand my vocabulary so I have more ways to express 'overawed' and 'amazed.' Everything I've seen is incredible!"

"And you haven't even gotten past the train station yet!" Cadence laughed. "If you like what you've seen so far, you'll love the rest of it. Canterlot is nice, but the Crystal Empire really is a treat all unto itself."

"That it is, and I have to say Celly made the right call in sending you both here. My Crystal Empire history is a bit sketchy, but what I do know tell me you've been making miracles here."

"We can hardly take credit for much of the things our subjects have done. We just provided the means for them. They had the drive."

"A thousand year rest and a fresh start will do that to a pony." Bean chuckled. "So, what do have planned for us?"

"Dinner is almost ready, and Prince Blueblood is here as well," Cadence replied as they walked towards a waiting chariot. "I'm sure Auntie Celestia warned you about … uh …"

The Royals laughed as Bean quickly trotted away from them and up to the crystal ponies who were hitched up to the chariot. He looked like a colt in a candy store who had gotten a hold of the largest candy bar in the shop and was about to make a gigantic chocolate mess of himself.

"I love his curiosity," Cadence remarked to her aunts while they watched Bean pepper the nearest pony with questions. "It's nice to see that he wants to learn so much about everything. The crystal ponies will be overjoyed to see he him acting like this."

"You may have to put a leash on him, sister," Luna mentioned with a nod. "He's liable to wander off on you."

"I don't think he'll be too hard to find," Celestia replied with a quick laugh. "He'll probably attract a crowd wherever he goes. But, to answer your question, both Luna and I warned him about Blueblood, yes. How has his behavior been so far?"

"Well, he's been civil and polite, so good, I suppose," Cadence replied.

"Were you able to question him concerning the Yaks?" Luna asked.

"I did," Shining answered, "but I didn't get much out of him. He just said the Yaks cut off talks that morning and kicked him out. He claims not to know why or what could have caused them to so abruptly cease negotiations."

"Have they shown any other signs of hostility? I mean other than being Yaks."

"Not so far, no. I've got a scout patrol near the border, and I've got my commanders here on notice, but the Yaks seem to be content to just sit. There was a slight increase in troops just after Blueblood arrived here, but I'm not sure if it's a vanguard group or just a small increase to dissuade us from trying anything."

"Interesting. Perhaps Blueblood will be willing to share more detail when I meet with him tomorrow."

"We have that scheduled for right after breakfast," Shining replied. "Would you like me to be there as well?"

"No, I believe he will be more forthcoming if it is just us. Besides, I would hate to cut into your 'stallion time.'"

"No worries there," Shining chuckled. "Cady and I are planning on returning to Canterlot with you for the wedding party. Bean and I will have plenty of time to talk Buckball."

"Should we go rescue poor Toola-Roola?" Cadence asked. "I think Bean is going to talk her ear off."

"You two should have seen him when he first met Spike," Luna laughed.

"Bean? Are you coming?"

Celestia giggled a bit when she turned and saw her Bean gawking at the composition and symmetry of the main foyer. "So … much … crystal …"

"I get the feeling you like the Crystal Empire."

"That's like saying I like you," he replied, and he smiled up at her. "I'm sorry, I'll quit staring now."

"Don't worry about it, my love," she replied. "If anything, the Crystal Ponies will appreciate the attention and praise, especially from a Prince."

"Yeah?"

Celestia nodded, and her gaze turned upward. "I'm sure you know at least the basics about King Sombra, and you'll learn more about him while we are here. But, you can imagine that after the traumatic experience of his rule, the ponies of the Empire were a bit hesitant to see another male ruler within these walls. I would not have sent Shining Armor here without Cadence; the crystal ponies would have simply cowered in their homes in fear of another Sombra episode. His efforts to protect the Empire during its return did much to assuage their feelings, but the haunting memory of Sombra still weighs heavily on their memories. With you, they can see many things: one who was once a commoner, like them; a royal who wants to learn about their history and how their Empire runs; and most importantly a prince who loves his wife and what she loves as well. The more love they see and feel, the more at peace they will be. I believe they will receive much of both from you."

"And the love and harmony that is generated here spreads to the rest of Equestria."

"Right," she replied with a quick boop for him.

"So, y'know. No pressure, right?" he chuckled.

"Just be yourself," Celestia offered through a whisper in his ear. "That will make the biggest impact. They will be able to tell if you are trying too hard, or if you are 'faking it', so to say, and then they will wonder what your true motives are. If you are you, then they will know that you are here as their friend, and they will respond with friendship in return."

"And if I mess something up, or say something wrong?"

"We'll all have a good laugh about it, and we'll move on," Celestia replied. "Nopony here is expecting you to be perfect. Honestly, I think the ponies here will appreciate a bit of non-professionalism. If you are really a commoner, you should behave like one, and that involves slip-ups. Honestly, there is no pressure, love. Enjoy yourself, and enjoy the time here."

Bean nodded. "All right. I can do that."

"Good," she replied with a nuzzle for him. "Let me go check on dinner. I'll be right back."

She then teleported away, and Bean sighed with a glance around the hall again. He was still a bit worried, but his love's words had calmed him and he was going to try to simply enjoy his visit, just as she had said. All he had to do was smile and wave.

A set of hoofsteps caused an ear to flick towards the source, and he turned to see who was walking up towards him, expecting some member of the palace staff, or perhaps Shining Armor. However, the hallway he was looking down showed no pony, despite the hoof falls getting closer, so he glanced towards another hallway.

"So. You are 'Prince' Baked Bean, I presume?"

Bean let out a rather undignified yelp and whirled to face the voice that had come up behind him unawares. A white unicorn stallion stood before him, with a blonde mane and what looked like a gold-and-blue compass for a cutie mark and a rather disinterested glance over the Bean before him.

"Oh! Sorry, you startled me," Bean remarked, and he extended a hoof. "I'm Bean, yes. You must be Prince Blueblood, it's nice to meet you."

"You're a rather homely looking thing, aren't you?"

"To some, yes," he replied, and he dropped his hoof back to the floor. Blueblood was not much for hoofbumps, it seemed.

"Hmpf. Well, I suppose my Aunt Celestia could have done worse. I am Prince Blueblood, yes. I suppose it is my pleasure to make your acquaintance. You've just arrived here, I take it?"

"Yeah, just about half an hour ago."

"I must say, I was quite surprised when Aunt Luna told me why she had to leave," Blueblood continued while he circled Bean with a critical eye. "And all of this because of a nose boop?"

"Well, yes, but that was only the start."

"So I've heard. I suppose you are quite madly in love with Celestia, yes?"

"I am," Bean said with deep conviction in his voice. He wasn't sure if Blueblood was trying to intimidate him or not, but he wasn't going to let him win if he was. "And she is quite in love with me."

"I suppose she must be," Blueblood replied. "But I also suppose it wouldn't take much to impress her. A little affection, some soft words, and she'd be putty in your hooves."

"I love Baked Bean for all that and more," Celestia replied, and both turned to watch her walk up to them, wings flared, with Cadence right behind. "And it actually took quite a bit for him to impress me. I would urge caution if you wish to think otherwise."

"I meant no disrespect, Aunt Celestia," Blueblood responded with a deep bow.

"I question that, but I certainly hope you are being honest. If you're quite done with your 'greetings,' dinner is ready. Would you care to accompany us?"

"Of course, Your Highness," Blueblood replied flatly.

* * *

Prince Blueblood couldn't believe what he was seeing.

When had Celestia repealed the rules of Order and Decorum? He didn't recall hearing that it was acceptable for a pony in a formal and royal setting such as this to behave the way this Baked Bean was.

It had all started as soon as the meal had been presented for their enjoyment. Baked Bean, instead of nodding politely to the waitress, had chosen to hold her back and to interrogate her on what the meal was composed of and what the specific ingredients were. Chef Amberlocks was then summoned, and Bean had actually had the audacity _to talk to her about how much salt she had put in the dish!_

Of course, Aunt Celestia had simply thought the whole thing was amusing and probably adorable, given the look on her face and the way she kept giggling behind a hoof at his antics. Aunt Luna was no better; she simply smiled and watched as she ate, and Blueblood could tell she was not the least bit concerned with the way he was acting. Shining Armor was, well, Shining Armor. The _other_ commoner in the room had that ridiculous smirk on his face too, and he hadn't bothered to see how Cadence was reacting.

Then the Yellow One began eating the meal. He had this ridiculous habit, or perhaps some sort of nervous tic, of sniffing each new food before gently touching the tip of his tongue to it and then pausing to contemplate what he had just introduced to his senses. He would then scribble some thoughts in a notebook he had brought in with him, and then he would move to take another sniff-bite.

What was he trying to do with that sniff? He had been told that this Bean was a chef in some backwater town that he didn't care to remember, but there was no way a simple sniff of the food and a quick taste could give him any insight into what he was eating, not to mention the impropriety of taking notes during a formal state dinner.

Clearly this Bean hadn't learned proper etiquette prior to this point in life, and it was a bit shameful that his aunts had not bothered to educate him on the proper manners one should have.

Thankfully, things now seemed to be settling down, and Baked Bean was calmly eating his meal while Cadence, Shining Armor, and Celestia discussed their plans for tomorrow. Luna was silent as well, but Blueblood knew she was listening to the discussion, and he wasn't looking forward to explaining what had happened with the Yaks.

But that was a problem for Future Blueblood. For right now, he needed to gather the facts and to perform his evaluation. He knew that the infatuation that Aunt Celestia and Baked Bean felt towards each other meant that this yellow mud-trotter wasn't going to go away anytime soon, so he was going to need to play his cards carefully. One wrong move against her little pet, and he'd incur the ire of Celestia, which was never a pleasant experience. No, this required tact, as difficult as that might be, and discreet observation. Once he had a fuller understanding of what the competition was, then he could make the appropriate adjustments. There was even an outside chance he could teach the _commoner_ a few rules and how things were supposed to be.

This brought a small smile. It would be a challenge, but he knew he was more than equal to the task. If his Aunts did not care to teach this Bean the proper order of things, then he would. It really was his duty and honor to do so, now that he thought of it. He alone could bring a degree of culture to this uncouth outsider. The fool would thank him for it later.

A small belch emanated and echoed in the room, and Blueblood barely held back his sigh of annoyance as Baked Bean blushed behind a napkin and excused himself. This was going to take a _lot_ of work.

The sigh escaped, and was accompanied by a heavy eye roll when Shining Armor let loose a belch of his own with a smug grin. He stood corrected: there were _two_ crass ponies he needed to work on.

Though he did realize he shouldn't be surprised. The soldier-prince had probably had all manners drubbed out of him during basic guard training. He truly had no idea what Cadence saw in him.

But then another belch reverberated off the walls. By Celestia's sun! Did the two of them really not understand how rudely they were behaving?

"Is that a challenge, my dear niece?" Luna asked Cadence, and the reply made Blueblood's ears hurt:

"Why, I do believe it is. What will you do about it?"

"This is not happening! Please tell me this is not happening!" Blueblood protested, but his words went unheeded. He watched in a confused shock as Luna quickly emptied her goblet, pulled a face that made it look like she had just bitten into a lemon, and then let fly a belch that rattled the silverware on the table before him for a solid four seconds.

"Oh, you can do better than that!" Celestia laughed. "Come, I bet I can best you by at least two seconds!"

Blueblood groaned and put his face in his hooves while the floor beneath him vibrated and the dinner guests laughed. He had to act quickly. Baked Bean was already corrupting the Diarchy with his common ways, and if left unchecked he could bring about the end of Equestria as he knew it.


	6. - Wysteria and Quill

**A/N: But whatever happened to our faithful secretary?**

"He did it!" Wysteria grumbled and turned to pace back the way she'd come. "That two-faced son of a jackal really banished us!"

"I still don't understand why I am here," Quill offered, turning in the sun so that his shadow lined up with the rather odd circle around him and his horn shadow pointed to an oversized IX. "I make a fairly poor sundial."

"He thought you were my coltfriend," Wysteria quickly replied, and she twisted back again.

"Oh … am I?" Quill made a nervous chuckle that had a distinct squeak at the end of it. It seemed his question was unheard as the bespectacled unicorn continued to pace the sand, fuming to such an extent that one might expect the beach to turn to glass.

"You know you're going to dig a trench doing that," Quill remarked. He carefully stepped out of the circle, and when Nightmare Moon failed to gobble him up he moved to a nearby palm tree and placed his front hooves on it.

"You're worried about that?!" She snapped. "In case you've been living under a rock and haven't heard, there's the little matter of _a royal wedding_ coming up! I don't have time for a vacation right now!"

"Well, what did you do to get us banished here?"

"What did I do?!"She exclaimed before barking out a sardonic laugh. "My job! That's what I did!" She further huffed before plunking down in the sand.

"Sooooo, he sent us here for no reason? That does sound like him." He gave the tree a sharp push, and a coconut promptly fell out and bounced off his helmet.

"I did not either, Hysteria," Discord's voice emanated from within the downed drupe.

_"Wys-_teria!" she enunciated with force.

"That! That right there!" Discord's face appeared on the coconut, along with a paw and talon. "You are far too uptight, and you're going to blow a gasket! You need to relax!"

"Relax?!" Wysteria shouted at Discorconut. "I am relaxed! If I was any more relaxed, I'd be dead!"

Quill snickered. He had never been privy to a coconut giving a pony a dubious look before.

"I'm not convinced," Discorconut replied. "Look, I tell you what. Here's a scroll and pencil," he snapped his paw, and said items appeared. "Write a letter to your boss and tell her what's happened. You'll see. She believes you need a break too."

"Fine," Wysteria growled while she grabbed the items in her magic and began writing out the letter. "How long do you plan on leaving us here?"

"You and the bucket of bolts—"

"Hey!"

"—have a three day, two night, some expenses paid vacation here, unless Celly says you have to come back. I'll even provide some island perks, how's that?"

"What kind of perks?" Quill wondered aloud, before being cut off haphazardly with a hoof.

"Don't even go there. Celestia will say she needs me," Wysteria retorted as she threw the pencil to one side. Her horn then sent a surge of magic, and the letter disintegrated into smoke and quickly flew away on the breeze. "I can tell you that right now. I need to coordinate the catering, the cake, the photographer, and the gowns, not to mention the security details and the crowd control, and —"

"Yes, yes," Discorconut scoffed. "All of that is being handled by two very capable pink ponies. Really, you can't go wrong when you have that much pink in cahoots together."

"I beg to differ. Pinkie Pie may be good, but she's never dealt with something this big before."

"Oh? That little shin-dig with Shining, Cady and the Bug Bomb doesn't count?"

"No, it does not. This is easily three of those weddings put together. And why am I arguing with a coconut?"

"Say, have you seen my legs?" Discorconut glanced about, and he used what limbs he had to move himself and look around. "I like to pace when I postulate with ponies, but you really can't do that with arms. It ruins the effect."

"Sorry, fresh out."

"I may have seen a wing over here," Quill offered from where he was inspecting the beach.

"Oh, so _that's_ where that got to! Hold on to that for me, I'll be right over. Wis, could you be a dear and help a coconut out?"

"No way. Get yourself over there."

"Oh come on, where is that famous Canterlot courtesy?"

Wysteria turned back to the animated nut, her discontent as clear as the sky above them, until something dawned on her and her face turned quite sinister.

The nearby macaws nesting in the trees received quite a fright as a coconut with eyeballs and arms went barreling through the air, bellowing all the way. The arc was clean, the spiral tight, and Quill whistled low in appreciation.

"Nice punt," he offered as he put a hoof over his eyes to watch the landing. "Good distance."

"Thanks. That felt amazing."

"Well! That's the appreciation I get." Discorconut huffed after dropping out of the sky and landing in front of Wysteria again. "I don't get no respect, I tell ya."

A reply scroll then flashed into existence, and Wysteria cackled in delight as her magic snagged and unfurled it. "Here! Now, we can get this settled and over with."

_Wysteria,_

_I believe Discord is acting in your best interests; you have looked more than a little uptight lately. A few days to catch your breath would be beneficial in my estimation, but I leave the choice to you. Should you wish to return, I will send a chariot to bring you and Corporal Quillpoint back (provided Discord doesn't bring you back first), but I will wish you a good vacation otherwise._

_-Princess Celestia_

"She said you need to unwind, didn't she?" Discorconut smugly stated.

Without a word she picked up the coconut and place-kicked him, harder and higher than before, and she enjoyed watching him land in the ocean with a resounding _splash_before she muttered and reread the letter.

"You know, he is our quick ride back," Quill observed. "Maaaaybe you shouldn't—"

"Shush."

"Yes, ma'am."

"She says it's up to me if I want to stay," Wysteria continued with a snort. She may have lost the battle but she wasn't going down without throwing a few more punches.

Discord then sauntered out of the ocean, sans coconut, and back up to them while rubbing a paw against the side of his head. "Did you ever play hoofball professionally? That's a mean kick you've got going there, sister."

"I have lots of practice from kicking idiotic nobles who won't move their plots and give me what I need."

"Makes sense. Well?" Discord tilted his head, and ten gallons of water, three clams, a starfish, a couple of flounders, and an anchor proceeded to fall out of his ear and onto the beach. "You staying or goin'?"

Wysteria glanced around the island. Most of her inner self was screaming to get back to Canterlot since there was far too much work to be done. The wedding was only one part of it: there was Court and the petitioners, and the meeting with Various Special Interest Groups, L.L.C., and the rescheduled appointment with the Benevolent Order of Griffons, and she hadn't even mentally mentioned the honeymoon she was trying to plan for her bosses.

But, there was a small but growing feeling in opposition to that. The island breeze did feel soft, a bit sweet, and held a hint of exotic fragrance that she usually only smelled in her laundry soap, the sand was gently warming her hooves and relaxing her strained leg muscles, and the gentle rush of the ocean waving and retreating did sound peaceful and clearing, in a way.

She then glanced over to Quill, who had lost his armor somehow and was now starting with a mild amount of horror at the polka-dotted swim trunks he was inexplicably sporting. She did want to spend more time with the reluctant guard, and maybe, just maybe, she could talk him into a hoof massage…

"Three days?" Wysteria finally asked softly, with a wary look.

"Three. I'll even bring you back in the morning so you can get some work done that afternoon."

"Some expenses paid?"

"There's a cash bar. A trifling thing, really."

"You promise?"

Discord smiled impishly. "I give you my word. But you need to hurry and make your choice. I left Bean floating through a rift in space/time all on his own. It'd be a shame if he ended up fifty years in the future on some other planet."

Wysteria bit her lip in thought. A small vacation couldn't hurt that much, could it?

"What 'perks' are you including?"

"Lodging, food and drinks, all the Quill time you can stand, and a personal guarantee that you will relax. I'll even throw in some friendly locals, so you're not all alone."

"Locals?"

"That's a surprise. Take it or leave it."

Wysteria blew out a frustrated sigh. "If you leave me out here, I will hunt you down."

"I would expect nothing less from Celestia's secretary," he offered with an unwavering grin. "One last thing: what happens on this island stays on this island. I won't be around to supervise, so on the plus side I can't tease you about what whatever you do later, but on the flip side whatever you two choose to do is entirely your responsibility. Now, do we have a deal?"

Wysteria weighed the option for a moment while staring at his outstretched paw, but then she put a hoof in it and shook.

"Deal. A little break would be nice."

Discord giggled gleefully, snapped his talon, and Wysteria's flowered collar was replaced with a floral lei. A grass skirt appeared around her waist, her glasses were swapped out for a tinted pair that would help to prevent sunburned eyes, and a rather full and beautiful plumeria blossom perched itself behind her right ear. A wave of relaxation washed over her as she felt her mane fall down and over her neck, and she actually smiled a little at Discord in gratitude while saying something she thought was impossible.

"Thank you, Discord."

Discord simply chuckled and disappeared in a flash of light. Wysteria took a deep and relaxing breath, and her smile grew as Quill wandered back over.

"You know, I'm a little perturbed that I didn't get to have a say in the negotiations."

"I can figure out a way to get you back, if you like."

"Can't do that, ma'am."

"What? Why?"

"My assignment is to guard you. Celestia's secretary would be a high value target to any enemies of Equestria, after all."

"Just admit you like the view," Wysteria shot back with a grin.

"As you say, ma'am. So, what exactly did he leave on this rock for us, anyway?"

"I guess we should go find out. I don't know about you, but a margarita sounds really good right now."

"Wait. He said it was a cash bar, yeah?"

"Yes, I think he said that."

"Do you happen to have any cash in that grass skirt of yours?"

Wysteria didn't move for a moment, but when she did her face clouded over in anger.

"That freaking jerk."

* * *

"Your Piña Colada, ma'am." Quill held out half a coconut with his magic, and he smiled when her magic took it gently from him. He then simply plopped into the beach chair next to her, and both of them took a moment to admire the distant sunset while it danced across the waves.

"This is nice, isn't it? I need to do this more often," Wysteria remarked. "Raven is always on my case to take a vacation."

"Raven is your sister, right?"

"Twin sister, yes." Wysteria took a sip from the coconut.

"This is pretty nice," Quill agreed. "And that bartender is nice to let us have a tab."

"What did he say his name was? Fish, or Scales, or … oh. What was it?"

"I think he said it was Gil Egan. Or maybe Willy? I'll have to ask him again."

"If he is a real pony."

"He's real enough for here and now, I suppose," Quill shrugged. "He did say we should try out that three hour sightseeing trip that Skipper fellow was offering. Seems he's the first mate on their charter boat."

"I don't know that I trust a boat that has Discord attached to it in any way." Wysteria sighed deeply. "I'm good right here."

Quill nodded but said nothing. The tender lapping of the ocean, coupled with the feather soft breeze that quietly danced among the palm branches was the perfect compliment to the velveteen touch of the approaching sunset, and Wysteria sighed a bit to herself as she admired how the blending of the realms of her employers could result in such vibrant reds, elegant indigos, and…

Wysteria smiled. Yellow.

Could she properly blame Baked Bean for the apparent increase of such a sunny color within the visible spectrum? Perhaps, perhaps not. But across all the color there was a … not an intensity, _per se,_ but more a stronger tonal value, maybe.

No, Wysteria realized. It was a youthfulness. Everything she was beholding, from the elegant union of ocean wave and starlight to the blending of harmony and peace via the sophisticated artfulness that transpired when one sister rested and another awoke, spoke to the the injection of pure energy that a certain commoner had given not only to his wife, but to those whom she held in love and deep regard as well, including a certain raven-maned secretary.

As for Quillpoint, his eyes were casually beholding something more towards the white end of the color spectrum, and that was all he needed. Sunsets were all fine and dandy, but there was something far better within his line of sight at the moment.

"Why did you finally take me up on that offer for a drink?" he offered once Celestia's sun had disappeared behind the horizon. Wysteria didn't reply right away, but her smile did slowly grow as her answer fermented.

"Why do you ask?"

"I know you've seen other stallions before me, and I'm also pretty sure none of them got past a first date, but you and I apparently have enough of a relationship to fool Discord into thinking we were a couple. So why me?"

"I never said you were _not_ my coltfriend," Wysteria said with a teasing glance over to him. "But the answer to your question is pretty simple, actually. I asked you out because I liked your tenacity."

"Thanks, I've been working out." He offered a flex of his foreleg.

"Th-that's not—"

"I know. You're just adorable when your flustered."

She rolled her eyes at him with a snort of amusement. "Keep that up and I'll punt you into the ocean too. But, since you asked nicely, here's the reason. I spend my working hours dealing with a never ending stream of ponies whose sole purpose in life seems to be to stall. 'Oh, Miss Wysteria, I can't get you that until,' or 'Miss Inkwell, I don't have that because,' or even simply 'I know, but.' You, however, always had a clear and simple offer. Dinner, in the kitchens, at nine, or perhaps a quick drink at _The Violet_after work. That was attractive, and I liked it. After I saw how happy the Princess was with the Prince, I thought I could try to have a love life, too, and you seemed like a good choice for a starting point.

"Then you were a dummy and ignored me until I exploded in front of my bosses. We'll not discuss that here," she held up a hoof to keep him from offering yet another apology for that, "but then you made up for it. That spoke to my heart too. You're not half bad, really. I've dated plenty who were just into me for my looks, or because of the power I have, real or perceived. You don't really seem to care about that, though that request for me to put in a good word for you with Lieutenant Spear Point was a bit concerning."

"Hey, it never hurts to pad your resume, especially when you're shooting for sergeant."

"Right. At any rate, you're a pretty solid pony, Mister Quillpoint, and I enjoy spending time with you. Maybe this will all fall apart after we get back, but for now I'm happy to be here with you."

"I do have to admit that if I have to be a castaway, this isn't a half-bad way to do it, and it's nice to have you here too. I wouldn't have expected Discord to be so nice. He usually seems to be more standoffish with ponies in general."

"At first I thought he was just appearing to be nice in order to stir up more chaos. Then I realized other ponies, Prince Bean included, have been having a positive influence on him, whether he wants to admit it or not, and it is nice to have him as a friend to ponies as opposed to an overlord. The Princess was right about him, it seems."

"How so?"

"When she sent him off to Ponyville to be reformed by the Elements, she mentioned to me that she could sense some good in him, despite his destructive tendencies. I guess we're all seeing what she felt now."

"It would seem so," he replied. "And for that I am glad. This beats trying to fight off those singing cacti he created when he first broke loose."

"By a long shot." She chuckled. "I don't remember 'Deal with Draconequus' in my job description anywhere, so if I have to I'd rather deal with the one that doesn't steal wings and horns and Elements of Harmony and whatever else he can get ahold of. I'm still missing a set of red heels from when he first was released."

"Heels, huh? I didn't take you for that type."

"I'll surprise you, if you give me a chance." Wysteria gave him a playful wink.

"I actually really like that about you. You seem straight-laced and stuffy, but there's a rather playful Wysteria in there that gets out occasionally."

"Hey, I'm allowed to cut loose every now and then." She laughed. "In fact, you know what? Let's go on that sightseeing trip. If I'm going to take a vacation, I might as well make it an actual vacation."

"I'll let the Skipper know. He said there were a few other ponies that wanted to head out as well."

"We should ask and see if they got banished too. I hope he didn't abduct ponies just to populate the island."

"I don't think he did, but I suppose if he did then we couldn't do much about it."

"Miss Wysteria?" a voice called out. A pony clad in a red sweater and bucket hat bumbled up to them, pulled his hat out of his face, and then gave the secretary a bashful grin. "The Professor wanted me to tell you that the breadfruit and mango salad is almost done, and we're having coconut pie and coconut souffle for dessert. Miss Lovey also wants to know if you and Mister Quillpoint will join her and her husband for dinner."

"Gil, tell me something," Wysteria replied. "Your name is Gil, right?"

"Yes, Miss Wysteria."

"Good. Were you conjured up by Discord, or are you a real pony?"

"Gosh, that's a silly question," he laughed. "I'm real, and so's everypony else."

"All right. Tell the Professor we'll be along in a minute."

Gil nodded before walking away, and Wysteria stood with Quill.

"Well, perhaps there will be a Luau after dinner," Quill offered. "And that Ginger pony said she had a magic show she would perform too."

"Maybe." Wysteria said with half-lidded eyes. "But Discord did say I could have all the Quill time I want, and I think I want s'more."

"Y-you do?"

"You do have to keep me safe after all, don't you?" she asked while walking down the beach, swishing her tail behind her. "If I should happen to wander off and get lost …"

"That mare is nuts." Quill laughed. "But I dig it!"

* * *

Wysteria couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this particular combination of relaxed and content.

Oh, she'd felt one or the other at times, sure. Relaxed typically came after work, with a hot cup of cocoa topped with whipped cream, and contentment always followed after successfully completing whatever task she'd been assigned to by the Princess.

Granted, it came a lot quicker when she got to kick a pretentious noble in the backside, in either the literal or figurative sense, but she liked to consider that as a 'fringe benefit.'

But this? This was truly magic.

She was curled up with Quill on a blanket on the beach, with quite a few after-dinner and during-luau coconut samples scattered about them and with flushed cheeks as they took turns between sniping quick pecks and lingering upon those delightfully strong and yet smooth-as-silk lips that the good Corporal had been gifted with. This was an entirely different world than the one she was accustomed to, one that was almost the antithesis of everything her life had been. Here, one could kiss a handsome young unicorn without snide comments from other castle staff later, or run her hooves across his strong shoulders without leering glances and whispers that would hush instantly when she rounded a corner in the castle.

That was really the enticing difference she realized, while her inebriated mind thought the matter through. In Canterlot, her whole day was defined in words, written on paper, spoken, shouted, whispered, and yammered around as they invaded her ears and filled her inner soul with technical definition but without sustenance or true meaning. Here, with the strength of Quill surrounding her, she didn't need to think in words anymore, nor did she want to, and the way Quill's lips felt against hers kept all of those nasty words at bay. As long as she kept kissing him, he would not use any words either, and as the night went on, they would continue their wordless communication in the way ponies had ever since the first mare and stallion.

It would be wonderful.

* * *

It _had _been wonderful.

Wysteria groaned slightly as the most unwelcome light of her employer broke over the horizon and she smelled Quill's breath from where his oversized head was resting on her chest. Words could not describe the stench, but she quickly calculated that her own breath might even be worse, if the lingering taste on her tongue and across her teeth was any indication. She was sticky, stinky, sore, and had sand stuck in places it had no business being, but as much as she wanted to push Quill away and stagger into the water, she just remained in place, listening to him breathe.

_He snores. Of course he does._


	7. - The Crystal Empire

"Bean! Wake up, Bean!"

Bean suddenly found himself airborne for a moment after Celestia jumped on the bed, and he let out a large _ooph_ when he landed.

"Good, you're up." Celestia carelessly tossed the blankets off the bed and nuzzled her Bean. "C'mon!"

"Hello to you too," he muttered with a laugh. "What has you all worked up this morning?"

"There's so little to do and so much time to do it in!" she proclaimed. "And you promised to make breakfast! I want to see what you concoct. Come!"

Bean tried to make sense of the first part of her statement while he yawned and stretched, but the effort failed and he promptly gave up. He did snicker at her enthusiasm; while he knew she liked his cooking, he didn't know it was _that_ popular.

"So, have you had one cup or two?"

"Cup?" Celestia repeated while straightening her tiara. "Cup of what?"

"Coffee?"

"Oh!" she tittered. "None today, I don't need it."

"Huh," he offered to that with a grunt. "Maybe you _do._ Either that, or I'm going to have you help me with breakfast, just to burn off some of that energy."

"I would be delighted to help you, love," she replied. Her magic snagged him as he hopped off the Equestria Princess-sized bed, floated him over to her lap, and she happily began brushing his mane while her wings wrapped around him. "Please forgive my enthusiasm. You have, once again, made my night most satisfying, and I slept so well that I feel like I could move five suns and six moons all at once."

"That good, huh?" he chuckled, and she nipped both of his ears quickly.

"And more. We're going to set something literally on fire one of these times."

"And what is the likelihood that the thing that combusts is me?"

"I would never!" she replied, her wings tightening around him so that he was protected from anything that might hurt him. "Nothing shall harm you while I am here, my precious Bean, especially me. Besides, I would like to think I have _some_ control."

Bean tilted his head back and nipped at her neck. "For the most part you do."

"I could say the same about you," she laughed. "Breakfast calls. Come! We shall review the moves I showed you yesterday, shower, and then we shall win over my beloved nephew with your astonishing cooking skills. He won't know what hit him."

* * *

"So, I figured out what the difference is between regular food and Empire food."

"Oh, really?" Celestia flipped the hash browns in her frying pan quickly. "What have you determined?"

"Empire food has more flavor in it, basically; something like sticking a microphone in front of a singer. It's still the same, just amplified. It's much easier to pick out the core of it here."

"Just that simple, is it?"

"Pretty much," he replied. "Take these donuts, for example. I haven't put a thing in here that is unusual, but I actually had to halve the normal amount of sugar I put into these things, lest I smite mine patrons with hyperglycemia. I couldn't even sniff the stuff without shaking a little. The foods here are super potent."

"That brings up a question that has been tossed around in scholarly circles," Celestia remarked with a toss of the crêpes suzette. "What is it about the Crystal Empire that causes that?"

"What do you think?"

Celestia's wings shrugged. "I have only theories, but the most likely one to me is related to the Crystal Heart. Since there is such a concentration of love here, and it flows from here outward, it seems that it would affect other things as well."

"Love _is_ supposed to be one of the great mystery ingredients in cooking," Bean replied. "Mom and Dad always said you could smell a chef who didn't love his craft from five miles out. You may well be perfectly correct, as well as perfect."

"It's a good thing we have the Princess of Love here, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but then that makes me wonder about a great many things."

"Like what?"

"How much of it does she control, to start."

"Very little, actually," Celestia replied. "She controls love about as much as you do. Her talent is to show ponies were love is, how to find it, and how to share it. That love then fuels the Crystal Heart, and then that spreads from here to Equestria."

"Is the opposite true? Can we feed back into the Crystal Heart outside of the Empire?"

Celestia offered a curious look of interest with another flip of the hash browns. "I admit I haven't thought of that. It does make sense that the flow of love could be like a two way street, but I think the strength of it breaks down the further away you get from the source."

"Like how food smells. Great up close, but indistinguishable at a distance."

"Right. You should commission a study into the matter. If that is the case, we may be able to power the Heart remotely, and that would be a great boon in an emergency."

"I can do that kind of thing, can't I?"

"You can indeed," she replied with a quick peck on his cheek. "Watch your donuts, they're done."

"Whoop! I got it, thank you!" he offered in sing-song.

"Well, I think we're just about done here," Celestia replied. "Shall we summon the guests?"

"We should, but remember it's bad luck to eat with your customers."

"Why is that?" she asked. Her magic quickly began plating the food, and Bean assisted as he answered.

"Probably no real reason. It's just a chef thing, kind of like having a lucky horseshoe or something."

"Let's risk it for today, and then see what happens. I stand by my commitment from this morning, and if some nasty little bit of bad luck wants to afflict you, I shall drive it away."

"I bet you would," he laughed. "Though it would really bite the bark if there was some truth to the statement."

* * *

"So, when will Pinkie Pie be joining us?" Bean asked before scooping up a large bite of his wife's delicious hash browns.

"I believe she will be here just after breakfast, so she should be on her way now," Celestia replied. "Part of this afternoon will be dedicated to finalizing plans, so you stallions will have some time together to do whatever."

"_I_ plan on returning to Canterlot as soon as you are done interrogating me, Aunt Luna," Blueblood offered. "I've been away for far too long, and there is much work I need to catch up on."

"You're not going anywhere." Luna's voice was icier than a windigo's sneeze. "To send the train to Canterlot and back again is a waste of resources, and I'll have none of it. You'll return with the rest of us."

Blueblood's response was nothing more than a nod, and Bean could see the discontent on his face.

"Is the Empire really so disagreeable, dear cousin?" Cadence asked. "Auntie Celestia and Uncle Bean are busier than all of us, and yet they're staying for a full day."

"The Crystal Empire is fine," Blueblood replied evenly, "but I see no reason to stay here when my talents would be of greater use in the engagement of other endeavors. I understand the desire to show Prince Bean 'the sights' and to acclimate him to the whole of his newfound kingdom, but I have already familiarized myself with the essentials of this area. Unless there is something of vital importance that I have not been made aware of, I fail to comprehend how what will be shared today will be of use."

"You know everything that the Empire holds?" Celestia asked. "That is most impressive. I find something new every time I come here, and yet you have unlocked every secret in so few visits."

"Don't twist my words, dear Aunt," Blueblood replied. "I said I know the essentials. I see little need to become familiar with more trivial matters."

"How many ponies currently reside in the Empire?" Celestia bit into a donut.

"Do you wish to include the ponies out in the rural areas and those working the farms, or just ponies within the boundaries of the Empire proper?"

"However you want to count it."

"I couldn't say precisely without a census, but…"

"Fine, fine." Celestia waved a hoof at him. "You don't know, and that's understandable. Here's the real question: of those ponies who do live here, which one of them is non-essential?"

"Obviously none of them. All are important and vital to Equestria."

"So, you know every single pony that lives within the Empire then?" Celestia concluded. "You did just say you were familiar with all of the essentials and that all ponies are essential."

"My dear Aunt, one day you will quit playing games with what I say." Blueblood sniffed. "I quite obviously meant the major features and landmarks of the Empire, not the inhabitants."

"Really? I do believe the residents are just as important as the Crystal Heart, for example. It is their love that powers it, after all."

"And I have suddenly remembered why I left Canterlot in the first place." Blueblood shook his head in disappointed amazement. "There is just no end to the way you can manipulate a phrase, is there? You'd have me believe Prince Bean is blue simply because I remarked it was a nice day."

"Don't be silly. I only point out what is truth," Celestia replied. "And I see no reason why a Prince or a Princess should remain aloof from their subjects. We are here for them, after all."

"As am I, dear Aunt. As am I."

"Good." Celestia took another bite of her donut. "Tell me, what do you think of breakfast?"

"It is barely acceptable. The hash browns are somewhat burnt, and the crêpes are rather bland and uninspiring. I'm a bit surprised, because usually Chef Amberlocks provides a exquisite offering. She seems to be aiming for mediocrity today."

"That would be, but only if she had cooked the meal."

"Ah, yes." Blueblood leaned back in his chair. "This meal was prepared by the Chef Prince, was it not? Forgive my unflattering assessment of your skill, but it is the truth."

There was a sudden reduction of oxygen in the room as three princesses and a prince inhaled to protest, but Bean beat them all to the first word, and with a chuckle to lead off.

"Well, you can't win 'em all."

"Quite," Blueblood replied. "May I humbly suggest that you allow properly trained and qualified ponies to handle meal preparations in the future?"

"I'm sure I'll have to since the Princess and I are usually too busy in the mornings to allow me the time."

"Perhaps you should show him how you make your pancakes, Aunt Celestia?" Blueblood suggested over the top of his teacup. "I'm sure you could give the Prince a few food pointers and help out his methodology."

* * *

"I love my nephew. I love my nephew. I love my nephew…"

"Forgive my impetuousness, but that's not much of a mantra, love." Bean wrinkled up his nose and gave it a wriggle, which had the desired stress-relieving effect.

"Don't you give me that," Celestia replied with a giggling nuzzle for him. "It's not a mantra. It's a reminder."

"Might be easier to tie a string around your hoof. Less talking at the least."

"If I do that then I'd be a walking ball of yarn."

"Oh! Mee-yow!" Bean offered with a swat of his hoof in her direction, and then both of them broke down into a shared giggling fit.

"Why did you take the blame for breakfast?" Celestia then asked. "His criticism should have been directed at me."

"That would be an unspoken rule of chefdom: what is cooked by one is cooked by all. A customer or a food critic doesn't say 'oh, the part of the dish by Chef Bean was excellent, but I found the portion that was prepared by Chef Beet was lacking in flavor,' it's always the establishment as a whole: 'the _Zuerst_ prepared a most excellent dish of chips,' or whatever. So if one chef does well, then all the chefs did well, and visa versa. Besides, I'm used to taking the heat for a badly cooked meal. You may remember that I may be a decent cook but I'm a lousy chef. Anytime a customer complained about one of my messed-up meals, I had to go out and try to explain what had happened. Blueblood's criticism was small beans compared to what I have dealt with."

"Still, you should have told him I made the hash browns." Celestia pouted. "You may remember I hate not taking responsibility for my actions, be they large or small."

"Next time then," he offered with a kiss. He then put his hooves around her neck and smiled as he gazed into her eyes. "So what is on the agenda now?"

"Kissing and snuggling, if you keep this up," Celestia cooed. "Officially, we are to meet with Shining and Cadence to begin our tour of the Empire now. Pinkie Pie is most likely with them, and I am fairly certain she will accompany us as well. You will be introduced to the crystal ponies by Princess Cadence, and then there will be time for you to go get lost in the crowd and to meet as many ponies as you can."

"I bet I give the sergeants a fit whenever I do that."

"They're getting used to it, and they planned ahead for it this time," Celestia replied. "They have secured the area, so it won't be a problem for you to just wander around. I believe we will then take the tour proper, where we will be shown the major landmarks of the Empire, and that will conclude with a visit to the Crystal Heart."

"Is it really as impressive as everypony makes it out to be?"

"It is," Celestia replied with a peck for him. "I think you will quite enjoy both it and the day."

"If I'm with you, I would be happy staring at drying paint."

"You would?"

"Yeah. You'd get bored, make it dry, and then we could go do something fun," he laughed.

"I probably would!" she laughed with him. "C'mon, let's get going. There's a lot to see, and I know the locals are really looking forward to meeting you."

Bean took in a deep breath of the crystal air about him, and he offered the most genuine smile he could muster while he walked out onto the balcony and into the bright sunlight with his beloved and the rest of the entourage. A sizeable crowd was assembled below, and the technicolor blending of their coats and manes was a sight he would never forget, even if he tried to. Celestia waved to a few ponies as she exited with him, as did Shining; and Cadence moved out a few steps in front of the group with her wings held high in pride.

"Citizens of the Crystal Empire!" she shouted. "Good morning, and happy Wednesday!"

Bean's smile grew as the gleeful cheer reverberated in his ears and off the walls. He could almost swear he could smell the love the crystal ponies were emanating at that moment.

"Today, my dear friends, we are most pleased to have the opportunity to introduce you to the newest member of our family, and to your new prince. I'm sure all of you know the circumstances behind Princess Celestia's marriage to Baked Bean, and I can say without a sliver of hesitation that these two are headlong in love. Prince Bean is a most kind, curious, and thoughtful stallion, and he has held nothing but respect and adoration for all the ponies he has met. My own personal introduction and interactions with him tell me he is a pony of the highest quality, just like all of you!"

Another cheer erupted, and Bean tried to make mental notes of what Cadence was saying for future use. She really had a way with words.

"Prince Bean?" Cadence turned slightly and offered a hoof to him, and Bean walked up to be beside her. While he had not been warned this would happen, he had expected it, and he had determined to follow the advice he had been given before:

To speak from the heart.

A hoof went to his Celestial Crystal, and then his smile grew to outlandish proportions.

"My friends, thank you!" Bean called out, and he was a bit surprised at how good the acoustics were. "It is I who is honored and humbled to be with you here today. I have heard nothing but the finest reports from all ponies who have told me about you and your most exquisite kingdom, and even that has not fully and adequately portrayed the love and harmony that I feel here now with you.

"I can see it in your eyes, my friends. This is a proud empire, a strong empire. This is a herd that has stood up to the darkest of overlords and then boldly proclaimed 'no more! We are the Crystal Ponies, and we will never again be shackled to the evils that you would plague us with!'"

That drew a large cheer and applause out of the crowd. Bean nodded while looking over the crowd, and when they had settled down again he resumed.

"The ponies I see before me today are the types of ponies I hope to be: strong-willed, courageous, kind, and loyal. I could apply all of the traits of the Elements of Harmony to you, and many more besides! I am the commoner here, my friends, and you are the true nobles!"

Another cheer, and this was even louder than before. Bean could get used to public speaking if it always went like this.

"Now, as Princess Cadence mentioned, I'm sure you all know about how my nose managed to get me married to, who I believe, is the most wonderous mare in Equestria," he offered with a light laugh. "While Celestia is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, the opportunity to be among and to learn from ponies like yourselves is a marvel, a wonder, and a great boon as well. While I do not yet possess the sophistication, grace, or elegance that your fair rulers already have, I can promise you that I hope to achieve that one day. It may take five hundred moons, but I will try. But know this: I have learned much from you already simply from reading and studying your history. With your stalwart example to guide me, and with the luminous guidance of our Princesses to teach me, I'm sure to at least be a half-baked noble at some point in my life. With you, and beside you, I wish to make the Crystal Empire - and Equestria as a whole - the envy of the whole world. I pledge to you that I will do all in my power to ennoble you, to enable you, and to uplift you. In the end, it is my most sincere hope that we will rise together, as one, under the banner of Equestria and the banner of the Crystal Empire!"

The roar of approval that slammed into Baked Bean nearly swept him off his hooves while simultaneously making him deaf, and he loved it.

"Not bad!" Shining offered in a shout from his side, and with a matching smile. "You've got a gift for working the crowd! C'mon, let's get you down there!"

It only took a minute to move through the interior of the castle and down to street level. Another large cheer erupted when the doors flew open and Bean nearly flew out through them in his eagerness to make new friends. The first pony to greet him - a nice turquoise stallion who held a peach-cream colored foal in his magic - was met with a hearty hoofbump, a quick hug, and a deep smile. Bean took a moment to find out his name was Crystal Hoof, and he thanked him for being there to welcome him into the Empire.

This was then repeated dozens of times. Bean tried desperately to reach as many ponies as he could, to touch their hooves and to share a word or two when he could. He tried very hard to take an extra moment to go down to the eye-level of any fillies or colts that he met, learn their name, and then to ask them what they liked and how things were going for them in their lives. He wanted to connect with them, to hear them: they were the future of the Empire, after all. If a few words and a smile could help motivate them to overachieve in life, it would well be worth the time he was investing now. There were grand dividends that could be reaped, provided he did everything he could here and now.

He was most confused, but yet pleasantly surprised, when he almost literally ran into a familiar pair of blue eyes in the crowd.

"Pinkie Pie!" he cheered.

"Bean!" Pinkie replied with a manic grin, and the two of them shared a quick hug and hoofbump. "You are _rockin'_ this! I had to wait in line just to get off the train; there's so many ponies who want to meet you!"

"I'm glad you made it! How was the trip?"

"It was peachy-keen! I'm two and five-eighths steps closer to that elusive cherry chimichanga now, plus I was able to figure out the grand unification theory! It's amazing how inspiring trains are!"

"It sounds like it!"

"Well, what are you talking to me for?!" Pinkie shoved him towards another pony. "You've met me already. Go say hi! We'll talk later!"

She simply bounced away after that, and Bean chuckled quickly before seeing he had been pushed towards a rather nervous looking filly and her mother. With a gentle smile, he went down on his belly and attempted to look the pale green pegasus in the eye. She turned her head away, however, and a small whimper escaped as her wings moved to try and cover her face.

"Oh, Emerald!" her mother chided. "Forgive her, Prince Bean. She's usually not this shy."

"It's all right, I don't mind," he replied up to her with a quick wink and then turned back to Emerald. "Hey, what's up? You ok?"

"Mm-hmm," she mumbled.

"I'm Baked Bean. It's nice to meet you, Emerald," he offered a hoof to bump. "I apologize for being so yellow. I'm afraid I can't help it."

"I don't mind," Emerald said softly, and a brown eye peered out from between the feathers. "Is your name really Baked Bean?"

"Bit silly, isn't it?" he offered a tiny laugh. "I'll let you in on a secret, but don't tell anypony, ok?"

"Ok?"

"Princess Celestia's favorite color is yellow, so I dye my coat to make her happy."

"You do not," Emerald protested, and her wings slowly retreated.

"Don't like that one? How about this: I ate too many bananas as a colt. It changed my fur, and I smell like one now too."

"Nuh-uh!" Emerald giggled lightly.

"No still. Hmm. What if I said I was really a sunflower, and Princess Celestia picked me out of all the others 'cause of how yellow I was. I still pull seeds out of my mane sometimes."

"You're a horrible liar, Your Highness." Emerald giggled.

"I am, never could tell a good lie. Here's a true statement, though: I am very pleased to meet you. I bet you're a straight A student in school."

"Well," she stammered, "I do have one B. But math is hard!"

"Tell me about it!" Bean let out a knowing groan. "The worst part is when they stick the alphabet in it."

"They do?!" Emerald gasped in shock.

"Yeah! Horrible, isn't it? X, Y, and Z mostly, but there's times when it looks like someone spilled alphabet soup on your math homework! They really should have a law against such things."

"Yeah, you should totally write one! No letters in math!"

"Soon as I can I'll whip something up, but the only problem is the Princess has to sign off on this, too. Think she'll let me do it?"

"Give her a big kiss and she will," Emerald stated knowingly and with a huge grin. "That's what dad does anytime he wants something from mom. Like, the other day, he wanted to go bowling, but mom was like 'you need to clean out the garage first,' and then he gave her this huuuuge smooch, and then she got all wobbly in the legs and said 'ok, but you're going to have to do better than that when you get home!'"

"That sounds like a winning strategy," Bean gave a wink to Emerald's mom, who looked embarrassed but still amused. "I'll give the Princess a ginormous smooch and hopefully it'll work. Hoof bump for good luck?"

Emerald smacked his hoof, and Bean let out a small yelp of pain as he sat up and shook the injured appendage. "Yow! You've got some power! Do you work out?"

"No, but maybe you need to!" she giggled.

"I know it!" he laughed. "Soon as I can I'll get on that. Maybe I should start with horseshoes, that seems to be about what I can handle."

Emerald giggled again, and Bean gave her mane a quick ruffle before standing.  
"Missus Emerald's Mom, you have a fine young daughter here," he offered. "She is clearly a product of excellent parenting, and I commend you for you skill. Think you could give me some pointers?"

"I could, if you really would like some," she giggled. "Thank you so much, Your Highness. This really means a lot to us."

"My pleasure, entirely."

* * *

"You know, I really need to watch my assumptions," Bean remarked.

"How so?" Shining asked.

"I'm in the Crystal Empire, so naturally that means anything and everything related to it is crystal; but yet here we are, wrapping up a tour of a factory that produces sofas and quills. I should have realized you would expand your industries."

"It hasn't been easy," Shining admitted. "Sombra's economy consisted of foundries and mines; it wasn't very diverse. Celestia has been wonderful about sending technical experts to get us up to speed here. Honestly, we just need to increase production capacity, and then the Empire's gross domestic product will skyrocket."

"Not an easy task, I'm sure," Bean added. "Just the infrastructure alone has got to take a figurative and literal ton of horsepower to get up and running."

"Right now we're working on extending our capacity to get goods to market. It can take upwards of three weeks to ship something by wagon, but if we can increase our rail network we could cut that to days, and maybe even hours. It would also make it a lot easier to get the raw materials we need here."

"Imports and exports are always a hassle," Celestia remarked from behind them. "But I know the Baltimare and Ohayo Railroad is conducting railbed surveys, Numnah Southern is in the process of regulatory approval, and for some odd reason the Denspur and Roan Grande is trying to find a way to build _through_ the Northern Mountains, not around them like the others. But as they come others will follow as well, and I am confident that we will soon see a huge boom of Crystal Empire products across all of Equestria."

"I hope so. I bet that would bring a lot of new jobs and wage increases in the private sector," Bean added, "plus the tourism would be a boon, too."

"I would love to have more ponies visit," Cadence replied to this. "But we should get back to the palace. It's almost time for _the thing."_

"What thing?" Bean asked, but he received naught but smug, knowing smiles in return. "Oh, c'mon! I don't like conspiracies against my royal self!"

"You'll like this, my love," Celestia offered. "It is a good surprise."

"Well, ok," he muttered. "But I believe that only because you say so."

He slowed his pace just enough for her to come up alongside of him, and he smiled deeply as her wing draped over him and nipped one of his ears.

"How do you think Wysteria is handling her 'vacation?'" Shining asked while they exited the factory.

"I believe she is having an enjoyable time," Celestia replied. "Otherwise she would have returned by now. I believe she will find that Discord was right, and that she really did need to relax. I know she's been pulling her mane out in her efforts to get the wedding party and our honeymoon organized, but I think Cadence, Pinkie Pie, and myself can handle many of the details, and her workload should be greatly diminished when she does return."

"Do we know when she's coming back?" Bean asked.

"She indicated in her letter it was a three day vacation, so most likely tomorrow. If I don't hear from her I'll send a letter to see if she decided to extend it or if Discord forced her to."

"I don't think he would," Bean offered. "If he said three days, it'll be three days. For all of his chaos, he comes across as pretty reliable to me."

"I would still be cautious," Shining replied. "We are talking about the being who ruled over Equestria with unrest and unhappiness, and who nearly corrupted all of the Element Bearers."

Was there a note of pride in the voice of Twilight's B.B.B.F.F.? Bean wasn't sure, but the way the edges of Shining's mouth slowly migrated upwards seemed to confirm it.

"I'll keep that in mind, but I'm sure he won't try anything," Bean remarked. "At the very least, he'd have to answer to Fluttershy."

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie blurted while bounding past. "And Fluttershy would be super disappointed if he did! It would be like when Twilight confronted Applejack about her baked bads, which we will never speak of again."

"When did you get here, Pinkie?" Bean asked.

"Oh, about ten seconds ago."

"But … how? Never mind."

"So, are you as super excited for your surprise as I am?" Pinkie asked with an amount of glee that had to be illegal. "I can't tell you what it is, of course; 'cause that would ruin the surprise and there's nothing worse than a ruined surprise, but when Princess Celestia wrote to me and said what the surprise was I went 'gasp!' and I knew it would be such a super-awesome surprise that I had to be there, even though I was already invited to be here to help plan the wedding party; but then I was all like 'does Baked Bean have any thoughts on what he wants at the party,' 'cause it's your wedding too, and I know I would feel horrible if I wasn't included in the plans for a party that included me, 'cause that kinda-sorta happened once …"

"She does need to breathe at some point, right?" Bean asked while Pinkie proceeded with her spiel.

"I think we clocked her at five minutes once." Cadence chuckled.

"Is this the surprise?" Bean asked with a laugh.

"It's part of it," Celestia replied.

Bean went into a quick trot for a moment, but then smiled as he found himself in the midst of hugs and hoofbumps from all of the Elements of Harmony. He really should have seen it coming, but he had to admit that it was nice to see all of his new friends again.

He always did like making new friends.

"What are you all doing here?" he asked once all the greetings had been offered.

"Duh!" Rainbow Dash got the answer out first. "We're here to help plan your wedding!"

"But I already _am_ married," he countered.

Rainbow scoffed. "Yeah, technically. But c'mon, you gotta let everypony else be part of it!"

"You've got me there," he laughed.

"I invited all of the Elements here with Pinkie Pie," Celestia commented with a smile. "I don't think I could have a wedding party without all of them as my bridesmaids. Thank you all for coming, I appreciate you taking the time to help me and Prince Bean with our plans."

"But of course, Darling!" Rarity spoke for the whole group. "Now, let's get to work, shall we?"

"One thing first," Celestia replied with a sly smile. "I believe Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor had something else they wished to show Prince Bean."

"Oh, yeah! The Crystal Heart!" Bean exclaimed in understanding. "Is that it?"

"Indeed, but I think we can kick it up a notch," Cadence replied. "My Prince, have you ever wondered how the crystal ponies gain their unique crystalline coats?"

"I have not, but now I'm dying to know."

"Every year we hold a Crystal Faire to renew the spirit of love and harmony in the Empire, and this in turn helps them to protect the Empire from harm. The process of renewing the Heart sends out a magical wave that gives everypony the distinctive crystal appearance.

"But I propose that the love and harmony that now exists between you and Princess Celestia is worthy of celebration as well, and so I, along with all of the citizens of the Crystal Empire, would like you to join with us in a special renewal of the Heart at this time. Would you be willing to join us in this ceremony?"

"Your Highnesses, I would deeply honored to join with you in such a ceremony," Bean replied with a deep bow to both her and Shining Armor. "Please, show me the way."

Bean's smile couldn't be any larger if he had tried.

When Cadence had said that every citizen of the Crystal Empire wished to join in with the Renewal, she meant _every_ citizen. They stood as a pleased crowd now, with a main walkway to the Heart clear for the new royal, but as he passed them they would fill in the space behind him. Once at the Heart - which Bean found to be phenomenal - he was instructed to stand just to the right of it, and Celestia just to the left. There were only a few inches between them, and Bean felt tears beginning to tickle the corners of his eyes as he once again became lost in those deeply charming and perpetually loving pools of magenta that only became more enrapturing with each view. Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy took up positions to the side of Bean; Rainbow Dash, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie to Celestia's side, and once they were all ready, each of the Elements took a knee before the Prince and Princess.

"Citizens of the Crystal Empire!" Cadence shouted. "Prince Baked Bean, and Princess Celestia! May their love for each other remain as strong as our love for them!"

Both Bean and Celestia leaned slightly forward to boop noses, and the Crystal Empire smiled and knelt before them as one. Blue pools of light formed underneath each pony as they did so, and those pools quickly merged with each other and became rivers of love that flowed both outward throughout all of the Empire and inward towards the Heart. Bean was vaguely aware that the Crystal Heart had begun to spin rapidly, but he was far more interested in the surge of delight that was now spreading from Celestia's nose upon his own and down through his fur.

It wasn't until after they had pulled away from each other and heard Rarity giggling and squealing slightly in joy that Bean realized something was different. Celestia had now taken on a very crystalline hue, and he was a bit surprised her regalia had been affected as well. She gave him a quick wink before he took a look at his foreleg, and then back over himself, and he was interested to see the changes his own appearance had taken on.

"So, what do you think?" he asked after a moment.

"Wow," Celestia offered with a laugh, and the crowd broke out into a huge cheer as the two shared a passionate kiss.

* * *

"You did good with the crowd today, my love." Celestia settled into the bed, and smiled when her Bean moved under her wing.

"Thanks. I was just trying to do what I would want if I were them, especially the little fillies and colts. I would have blown away to even have a royal wave at me, so I hope that my talking with them and joking around leaves an indelible memory they can enjoy telling to their grandfoals."

"I do believe it will."

"So, how long will this crystal coat last?" Bean asked with a glance over his foreleg again.

"I believe the effect will wear off shortly after we leave the Empire tomorrow," Celestia replied with a quick nuzzle for the precious delight that she held close. "We would retain this appearance for longer if we were to stay, however."

"Do you like this look?"

"It is a nice, but I would not want you to remain this way. I fell in love with the plain and regular Bean, and it is the plain and regular Bean that I desire."

Bean hummed a note of happiness to that. "Plain and regular you shall have, then. Hopefully it doesn't become a disappointment later."

"I doubt that it ever could," she said softly to him with a kiss. "What did you and Shining Armor do while I was busy?"

"Let's see. There was the bowling alley, and the mini-golf, and the archery range -"

"How did that go?"

"Oh, I'm a natural," he replied with pride. "As in I naturally kept drawing the bow back too far and smacking myself in the cheek, and I naturally couldn't hit the target, but somehow I could hit anything five feet of to the side of it."

"Do you need me to kiss your cheek better?"

"Please?" Bean asked, and he giggled a bit when she both kissed and nuzzled the afflicted part. "Oh, but that was the wrong cheek! It was my right one."

"What?" she feigned surprise and horror. "Oh my goodness! Here, here."

Bean then found himself under an unrelenting barrage of kisses that alternated between left and right, and he loved it.

"There! Better?"

"Much," he replied with a return kiss to her cheek now. "How did the planning go?"

"I believe we actually have everything finalized, and things are moving forward wonderfully. Wysteria should have very little work to do when she returns; most of what needs to be done is being handled by Cadence and Pinkie, with assistance from the other girls as well."

"Good. I'm looking forward to it, you know. I bet it's going to be a party like never before."

"That is the idea," Celestia giggled. "But I am a little concerned that we are leaving you out of this. It is supposed to be _our_ wedding party, after all."

"Don't worry about that, my love. What I wanted to have happen has already been included, so I am content."

"What did you want?"

"You."

"Well, aren't you easy to please?" she scoffed, and Bean gasped.

"What?! You said the word!" He put a hoof in front of him in faux alarm. "Who are you, and what have you done with my Celly?! She would never use such a horrible word!"

She nuzzled him with a laugh. "It's still not my favorite word, but perhaps I am being a bit too uptight about that. A good marriage has compromises in it, Luna tells me, so I believe I can tolerate the use of aren't, but only if it is used properly."

"And your feelings on ain't?"

"One thing at a time, my love," she replied. "Really, though. Is there something you would like to have at our wedding? I want you to have what you want, too."

"I want family to be there," he offered, "and they have already been invited and will be there. I want friends to partake of our joy, and that will happen too. I want good food, which Chef Beet will cover most excellently, and I want lots of happiness, which is guaranteed with Pinkie Pie as part of the planning. Really, I am happy with what will be, even if I don't know all the details. If there is something else, I will let you know."

"You had better," she replied with a stern look. "Please don't ever hold back from me, dear Bean. Don't acquiesce just for the sake of my perceived happiness. Always tell me your thoughts, your innermost desires. Share your dreams and hopes with me, tell me of your plans and musings. Leave everything open for me, and I will do the same for you."

"I will, for now and for always, my love," Bean replied with a soft and delicate kiss. "So, since you mention that, I do have one proposal for you."

"You do?"

"A most important one, yes. Have you ever considered the utter perturbation of mathematics that occured when the alphabet was introduced into it? I have heard from several two ponies that such a thing must corrected immediately."

Celestia paused for a moment in a clear effort to keep from chortling out loud. "You mean you wish to outlaw, somehow, the basic mathematical principle of algebraic equations?"

"Now, don't be too hasty in your rejection of the notion," Bean offered with a teasing grin. "Let me lay out the case against it before you…"


	8. - Morning Preparation

Baked Bean yawned deeply, shook his head to try to clear the cobwebs of sleep, and smacked his lips while forcing his eyes open. He had thought that he could handle an early morning, but it seemed his body did not appreciate being awoken four hours before dawn for the march down to the red-eye train back to Canterlot.

The plan to return home had seemed innocuous enough last night, especially when he had seen the length of the to-do list for the wedding. Twilight had been the one who suggested leaving early to get a head start on the items, with a poorly concealed look of delight at the prospect of having a checklist to complete. Assignments had been divvied out before everypony had retired for the evening, and Luna was profuse in her assurances that she would wake them all in time.

She was a cruel, cruel alarm clock.

He had awoken with his hoof in a bucket of warm water and an intense urge to use the little colt's room, leaving Luna to cackle with delight while he had made a mad dash to the crystal throne that was adjacent to the guest chambers. Celestia had been awoken by his sudden departure and his frantic scrambling across a crystal floor that made his hoof falls sound like a berserk tap dancer in the middle of a chineigh shop, and then Luna had playfully bounded away to awaken Shining, Cadence, Blueblood, and the Elements in her own lunar way.

Bean didn't know what she had done, nor did he want to; but he had a strong suspicion part of it involved fabric, if the anguished cry of "not the Taffeta!" from Rarity was any hint.

Now that he had finished his business in the lavatory, Bean stumbled back out into the room and into Celestia's magic. He smiled a bit while she levitated him up to drape limply over her back, and he hugged her neck gently as she walked into the hallway.

"I say we get a real, clock-with-bells style alarm clock next time," Bean offered while his beloved yawned.

"I second the motion."

"Where are we going?" Bean glanced around the unfamiliar hallway.

"I need to show you something before Blueblood wakes up," she replied through another yawn. "But I need you to promise to never tell any living creature about this."

"Certainly. I take it this is something that's pretty important."

"It is. The only ponies who know about this are Shining and Cadence, Luna and Myself, and the Elements."

Neither of them said anything more until Celestia stopped in front of a door that looked like it led into a storage closet. Celestia's magic twisted the knob, and the door swung open to reveal …

"Brooms?" Bean asked. "Are they important brooms for some reason?"

"Oh!" Celestia muttered in annoyance. The door quickly shut again, and this time Celestia applied a surge of magic to the surface before opening it again.

Bean glanced around in the new room, which still looked much like a storage closet, as Celestia carefully shut the door behind them and moved towards a large object that was covered by a sheet.

"Is that the secret?"

Celestia's magic gently put Bean on the floor before pulling the sheet down and away. There was a brief pause while Bean looked over the intricate mirror, but then he glanced back to his wife with a confused expression.

"This is no ordinary mirror, my love." Celestia put a hoof on the surface. "It is a gateway, or a portal if you like."

"Really? Where does it lead to?"

"It leads to a different dimension, filled with creatures that are quite a bit different than you or I. They call themselves humans."

"Hew-mons." Bean tasted the word.

"Yes. A former student of mine used this portal to escape when she grew bitter and angry over her progress under my tutelage."

Celestia then gave Bean a quick history of one Sunset Shimmer, her theft of the Element of Magic, Twilight's travel to the human world to recover it, along with a quick note that three sirens had been banished to this world by Starswirl the Bearded and the Pillars of Equestria. Bean took all of this in with subdued interest and asked no questions until she had finished her explanations.

"And this thing only opens up once every thirty moons?" he asked in clarification.

"Yes. So for now, we do not need to worry about it, but when it is open we will need to be extra vigilant and guard it, just in case those sirens figure out how to use it."

"And?" Bean asked. There had to be more, because he could see she wanted to tell him something else.

"And when it opens again, I hope my former student comes back," she offered, while Bean put a hoof on the reflective surface. "I have even entertained the notion of going through the portal myself. I wish to make amends with her, and I want her to know that she is always welcome back in Canterlot, or anywhere in Equestria. From what Twilight has told me, I believe she has established a new life there, and I doubt she would want to leave it, but I still feel that I have failed her. Perhaps if I had just given her a bit more praise here and there, and not been so stern. I worry I was needlessly coarse with her, or that perhaps there was some other unknown issue that I did not resolve."

"How's that phrase go? Hindsight is always twenty-twenty?"

"You have no idea how true that is," she offered in sadness.

"I maintain what I have said before: you did the best you could, and you did not intentionally sabotage her. She made the choice to rebel against you."

"The sting of that rebellion still remains," Celestia softly said, with a long and distant gaze. She then sniffed her sadness away, smiled as her magic snagged her husband, and she playfully booped his nose before placing him on her back again. "I will give you a more detailed history of the portal, the sirens, and my student when we get back to Canterlot. For now, we should join the others, and possibly save them from the pranks of my sister."

_"LUNA!"_

"I do believe Shining Armor is awake now," Bean observed.

Once everypony was in an upright position and awake enough to coax movement out of their hooves, Luna had far-too-cheerfully cajoled them down to the train station with an infuriating mix of statements such as: "What a delightfully beautiful night sky there is this evening, I am so pleased you are all able to witness it!" and "Isn't this the most wonderful time to begin working on the many projects one has to complete?"

But now they were making the final steps towards the train, and everypony seemed pleased that they would again be able to slumber, if only for a short time. Bean did notice that the train was longer than before, as far as he could tell, and he glanced up and down the length of it while his sleep-deprived brain tried to figure out who or what had stretched out their ride.

"The dining car is open now and will remain so for the duration of our trip," Luna announced, "so you may procure food and beverages at your leisure. The sleeper cars are there, and our private car is there, Celly. Blueblood, you will need to ride in the baggage car with Bean and Shining. Seems there wasn't time to procure a place for you stallions."

"What?!" the now instantly awake Blueblood barked. "I utterly refuse to—"

"Oh, relax," Luna cut his rant short with a scoff. "Do you really believe Cadence would leave Shining, or that Celestia would leave Bean? The first sleeper car is for you, the second is for the Elements."

"Good," Blueblood groused with a sour glare for his Aunt. "If you'll excuse me."

Luna watched alongside Celestia and Bean while Blueblood walked away, and as he entered the car she leaned over towards them.

"Do you think he'll appreciate that mouse trap I put on his pillow?"

"He may never speak to you again," Celestia offered.

"Worth it," Luna announced after a moment of thought.

"Well, my dear Bean, shall we retire?"

"We can, but I don't think I'll be going back to sleep anytime soon," Bean remarked.

"Why don't we get something to snack on," Celestia offered. "Then we can discuss what Luna learned from Blueblood."

"Huh!" Luna snorted. "That will take all of five minutes."

"Really?"

"His story remained the same," Luna replied with irritation dancing on her words, while the three boarded the dining car. "The Yaks expelled him for unknown reasons, shut their borders, and are now refusing to talk to any envoy from Equestria."

"But, surely there is a reason for their sudden dismissal." Celestia shook her head. "It's extremely hard to believe that they would simply cut us off like that."

"I agree," Bean offered. "You said yourself they were cooperating, as much as Yaks cooperate. Why the complete turn around? There's got to be some underlying reason."

"It remains a mystery for now," Luna sighed while they all sat before the counter in the car. A unicorn with a chocolate mane and a pleasant smile waited patiently, and once they were settled in and comfortable, he simply asked what they would like.

"One medium caramel frappuccino in a large cup with an extra pump of frap roast, double shot affogato, and caramel drizzle, if you please Mister Roast," Luna succinctly stated.

"I didn't know you were a coffee drinker," Bean remarked.

"I will indulge in a caffeinated treat every now and then, but usually it is more then than now," she replied. "I do not wish to become addicted."

"Coffee. Black." Celestia proclaimed it as if it would be the newest law of the land.

Bean gave his wife an amused look. "Black? Really?"

"Sugar and creamers are for the weak." She sniffed.

"Oh really?" Luna glowered, but then Celestia smiled.

"No, not really. You remember Father always used to take his black?"

"I do," Luna replied with an instant flip to happiness. "It drove Mother absolutely crazy, too. He always said he wanted to taste the beverage, not the added sweeteners. 'If I want sweet I'll ask for a sugar cane,' the crazy fool."

"Yes, but thanks to that, my perception of proper coffee preparation has been forever skewed. It just doesn't taste right with anything else in it. What about you, my love?"

"Oh, just water for me. You don't want me to have any caffeine; it won't end well."

"What will happen?" Luna asked with a bit too much eagerness in her voice, and Bean rolled his eyes at the display.

"Do you want to peel me off the ceiling? Or perhaps you feel like running two marathons back-to-back? The stuff over stimulates me like mad. The last time I had a cup - and it was just _one_ cup - I didn't sleep for thirty-three hours. I went on some sort of bizarre cooking binge, but nothing I created was edible. It wasn't pretty."

"Oh, come now," Luna scoffed. "I can believe the not sleeping part, but I doubt your parents would allow you to waste that much food."

Bean gave her a flat look. "I'm telling you, it was horrible; beyond my usual bad screw-ups, by a long shot."

"Wait, 'it'?" Celestia asked. "Did you only create one dish in that time?"

"Eeyup," he said with a deep nod.

"What was it?"

"You don't want to know."

"Please?"

Bean clamped his mouth shut, and he folded his arms tightly. He groaned and his lips quivered when Celestia batted her eyelashes at him, and he inwardly bemoaned his inability to resist that seductively inquisitive look that his wife was calling out with.

"Dah! Alright!" It only took a moment for him to break. "If you really must know. But don't ever tell anypony else!"

"I won't, love."

"I meant Luna."

"Mister Bean!" Luna gasped in disappointed shock. "Do you really believe I am capable of such an act?"

"You stuck my hoof in warm water," he pointed out, "and you told me Star Struck had to put up with your snoring for fifteen years, and you slammed me up against a wall, and—"

"You should really have more faith in me, Mister Bean," Luna said with a smile. "Fine. Not a word out of me either."

"I made cod cakes."

The unicorn behind the counter let out a deep gasp of horror, and the coffee cup he had been holding in his magic fell and shattered with a sharp snap. Luna recoiled backwards slightly, and Celestia's face took on a look of serious concern.

"I … I see." Luna was the first to speak, but that was all she could muster.

"I warned you. I don't remember _how_ I got my hooves on fresh cod, but my guess is a trawler must have been in the docks with a load bound for Griffonstone. Thankfully, my mom talked my dad out of disowning me over a taboo, and she found a Griffon who was willing to eat it. Sadly, he said it was actually quite good. I self-banned myself from coffee after that."

"Well, I suppose we know what to do the next time Ambassador Ghis visits," Celestia replied slowly. "This was the only time you've done this?"

"The one and only, yes."

"Then none of us shall ever speak of it again," Celestia stated with finality. "I think we should continue this conversation in private, sister."

"Indeed." Luna stood, and her magic wrapped around the foam cup that had been placed before her. "Thank you, Mister Roast. Your services to the Crown are greatly appreciated, as always."

"My pleasure, Princess," he offered with Celestia's coffee and Bean's water in his magic. "Here's these for you, and please let me know if you need anything else."

"We certainly will."

The rear door of the dining car slammed open, and three pairs of royal eyes turned to watch as Blueblood fumed his way over to them with a small object being towed along in his magic and a bright red line across his right ear. With plenty of venom in his glare but not a peep out of his mouth, he dumped the small mouse trap on the counter, turned, and left in the same way he'd entered.

There was a deep and profound silence for a few moments while each royal contemplated this turn of events, but after that moment Luna took in a slow breath through her nose.

"Totally worth it."

* * *

Bean took a quick glance out of the window as the train lurched under his hooves. As much as Rainbow Dash had wanted to take a flying leap off of the top of the car at full speed into Ponyville, Rarity had kindly pointed out that the ending for all non-pegasi ponies in that scenario would be rather uncomfortable. Having now allowed the passengers who needed to exit to do so, Bean was on his way with Celestia, Luna, Blueblood, and Shining to begin preparations in Canterlot.

"Let see," Twilight announced while she quite happily applied those marvelous marks of check to the list. "Rarity and Fluttershy are taking care of the dresses, Rainbow Dash is checking in with the Weather Department, Applejack is handling the catering, and Pinkie Pie is … huh. Where is Pinkie?"

"I thought she was with Applejack," Bean replied with a glance up and down the car quickly. "She didn't go with her?"

"No, she didn't. I didn't see her get off. That's ok; she's probably checking on the cake."

"Does she make a habit of disappearing?"

"Only on Thursdays, typically. It'll be fine. Now, I need to see how the transportation for the VIP guests is coming along. I'll be right back."

She then teleported away, leaving Bean to sigh and to figure out what he should be doing to help.

But then he heard … screaming? It was low and distant, yet it seemed to be increasing.

"Discord, I'm going to rip the horns off of your head and use them for sconces in my apartment if you don't get me out of here right now!"

Wysteria then poof-exploded into existence right before Bean's eyes, but on her back and with her legs straight up in the air.

"Sorry, busy at the moment!" Discord's voice emanated from nowhere. "The boy toy is with Shining Armor, you're welcome, and I'll see you on Tuesday!"

"Welcome back?" Bean offered a hoof up, and Wysteria accepted the offer with some muttered grumbles concerning Discord's travel arrangements.

"Thank you, Your Highness." She straightened her flowered collar, adjusted her glasses, and summoned her ever-faithful clipboard with a quick flash of magic. "It's good to be back."

"How were the Pineapples?"

"Delicious, and the Islands were nice too," she remarked with a warm smile. "Discord was right, I did need that break. I feel a lot better now."

"Glad to hear it. Did Discord take care of you and Quill?"

Wysteria's lips thinned. "He did, except for the transportation. I really hope your little journey through the chaos zone was not as surreal as my trip. Other than that, though, he did provide pleasant arrangements. The bungalow was light and airy, the drinks were superb, the entertainment was charming, and Quill and I even got lei'd."

Bean's cheeks burned a bit, and he coughed into a hoof. "Um, I'm not sure that's something you should be sharing with me."

"No, no, no," Wysteria groaned. "Lei! Ell Eee Eye!"

"Oh." Bean nodded in understanding. "And you say Quill got lei'd too?"

_"Any_way," she shot back with an annoyed smile, "I'm positive that I am now very much behind schedule, and there is much that needs to be done." Her magic flipped through the papers on her clipboard, but then stopped halfway and started over. A deep frown appeared when she started the process a third time, and Bean tilted his head slightly.

"Problem?"

"I'm missing some pages. The catering information is gone, and the transportation arrangements, and—"

"Oh, that. It's being taken care of."

"What? By who?"

"The Element Bearers. Princess Twilight just barely took off with the transportation details."

"Oh," Wysteria replied, and the papers flipped again.

"Should we have left them?"

"No, no. I just … uh. It looks like most of my work has been taken off of my hooves."

"That was the idea. Celestia is working on the invitations at the moment if you want to check in."

"I think I will. I'll need to do follow-ups on everything, just for cohesion."

"Go ahead. I was just about to go see if Cadence needed help with anything, myself."

Wysteria nodded and turned to meet up with the Princess, but just as she reached the door she turned and looked at Bean over her shoulder.

"May I ask a personal question?"

"Of course."

"What are your personal feelings about Corporal Quillpoint?"

Bean shrugged. "He seems nice enough, I suppose. I don't know enough about him to really have an opinion."

She nodded slowly. "I see."

"Look, don't let me stand in the way if you want to pursue a relationship. If you like him, then go for it. I think you would be a cute couple, honestly."

Wysteria smiled a little. "Thanks."

"Uncle Bean!" Cadence called out. "Could you come here? I need your input on the music."

Bean watched on with a smirk while Wysteria pulled a goldenrod paper from her clipboard, crumpled it, and dropped it to the floor.

"That feels pretty good."

* * *

_Meanwhile…_

Principal Celestia liked getting into school early, before the problems had a chance to breed in dark corners and produce more paperwork. Dawn normally found her secure behind the oak principal's desk of Canterlot High, bent over one report or another that tied into the activities of her days.

This morning was no exception, but no sooner had she rested her rump on the Chair of Office, as her sister liked to describe it, than there came a light and expected tapping on the office door.

"Come," she called out, putting on a polite smile when the school dietitian swept cautiously into her office, bearing a tray in one hand. "You know, you don't have to do this," she added.

"I'm sorry, Miss Celestia, but I think I do." He placed the tray down on the cleared section of the desk she had prepared and swept off the cover. "A gently poached onsen egg, several miniature pancakes with real maple syrup and butter, a croissant with my aunt's apple jam, organic orange juice, and two slices of whole wheat toast with butter and strawberry jam. A little high in carbs, but since you didn't want any sausage or bacon, I had to work with what I had."

"Thank you, Mister Bean." Celestia heaved a quiet sigh. "How long are you going to make me apology breakfasts? It was just one minor bump, and my nose quit bleeding almost at once. I shouldn't have been sticking my nose in the sunflower patch of the school greenhouse anyway."

"Well, I shouldn't have been standing in the sunflower patch," said Bean, who finished laying out the breakfast items in a perfect arrangement and produced a large foam container labelled _Java le Choza_. "And your coffee. Black, as requested."

Celestia could not resist taking a quick sip of the ebon brew, and tried to identify the subtle hint of flavor he had added, despite being discouraged several times so far. She was not about to admit she enjoyed the effort, despite the obvious smile on his face that showed her resistance might not have been as good as she thought. "Thank you again, Mister Bean."

"You're welcome, Principal Celestia."

Bean bobbed his head and slipped out the office door at almost the same time her sister came yawning into the room. Luna looked at the breakfast spread, then quickly snatched a piece of toast and took a bite before any objections could be lodged.

"He still at it, sis?" Luna polished off the toast with several quick crunches and washed it down with a gulp of her own coffee, an undoubtedly corrupted brew filled with such things as soy and flavoring pumps.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Luna." Celestia blew gently on the poached egg and took a delicate bite. After some chewing and deep appreciation, she looked up at Luna, who had decided to sit on the edge of the table. "I'm not interested in him as a romantic partner, so you can wipe that smirk off your face, sister."

"You're not getting any younger, Celly." Luna took a deep drink out of her coffee and smiled. "Try something new. You might find you like it."

"Baked Bean is freshly out of college. Imagine the scandal it would cause if I go for someone so much younger than myself."

"When has age ever stopped true love, dear sister?" Luna countered and pressed forward, despite her sister's scoff. "He is a far cry from the 'forbidden fruit' that you think he is. Besides," her eyes went to her drink with a glimmer of tease, "I've seen the way your eyes wander."

A school girl blush cascaded across Celestia's cheeks, but she attempted to hide the fact behind a convenient manila folder. "H-Have you nothing better to do?"

"Sadly, yes. But this is not over."

Celestia could only shake her head as Luna left her to the busy work, but she waited for a moment and watched the door like a hawk. Once she was satisfied that there would be no more intruders, she slowly opened the top drawer of her desk and withdrew a simple spiral-bound notebook. With a soft smile spreading across her face, she flipped over the cover and unfolded a piece of yellow lined paper from within.

_This is the (very) rough draft of my story, per your request. It's not much to look at, but I greatly appreciate you taking the time to review it and for your input. I doubt I will ever actually be a published writer, but if my simple tale can bring a smile to your face, I will consider it a success._

_-Mister Bean_

Celestia's smile deepened. He had given her this draft only two days ago, and yet she had already found his tale to be an engaging and interesting yarn. As expected, he was making most of the mistakes an amateur writer would - comma placement, subject/object inversions, passive voice versus active voice - but the core of it was good. With some red pencil polish and perhaps some encouraging words, the dietician could have a respectable story on his hands.

"Perhaps Luna is right," Celestia remarked to herself with another loving glance over his delectable spread. "He _does_ have a way with words. I wonder if he does desserts, too."


	9. - The Feeling is Nuptual

This was it.

Princess Celestia pranced and twirled about the dressing room with a gleeful smile. She was so full of happiness and contentment that she was certain she would either burst, or make her sun go supernova.

True, everything that was happening now was mostly an excuse to throw a party, but she didn't care. After today, she would have full and complete custody of one Baked Bean, that delightful yellow stallion who had charmed his way into her heart and given her life a renewal she did not know it even needed.

It was perfect. So perfect, in fact, that she couldn't help but sing about it.

_"This day is going to be perfect, the kind of day of which I've dreamed since I was small!_

_"Everypony will gather 'round, say I look lovely in my gown—"_

"Your Highness?" Rarity's voice drifted into the room with a corresponding knock. "May we come in?"

"Please enter!" Celestia called back, and she giggled furiously when Rarity and Twilight both entered the room.

"Were you singing just now?" Twilight asked.

"Indeed I was, Twilight!" She laughed out her response. "I'm so happy that I cannot help it!

"_Excuse the silly smile upon my face, I can't help feeling things will go my way!_

_"My heart is lighter than a song, How could anything go wrong? Today's my wedding day!"_

Rarity gave the princess an amused look, but she was forced to admonish Celestia to prevent her from being late to her own wedding. "Now, I know you are excited, Your Highness, but we need to get you ready! Your husband won't wait all day for you, after all!"

"Oh, alright." Celestia plopped into the chair in front of the vanity table. "I would hate to keep my precious Bean waiting. Let us begin."

Twilight took a brush in her magic and began working on Celestia's mane while Rarity produced a sizeable case full of cosmetics. With a small flourish of magic, she pulled a bottle of clear lip gloss out from the case, and Celestia gently took it in her own magic before Rarity moved into the eye shadows.

"I'm thinking light and airy," Rarity remarked while Celestia puckered her lips. "To keep with the theme, of course. We only need to add subtle hints to your own natural beauty."

"I believe that will work quite well," Celestia replied after blotting quickly. "Baked Bean has always admired my natural beauty, so it is that which he will have."

"Among other things, I bet."

All three mares giggled like fillies at this, then Twilight began to offer her thoughts. "You know, when I was your student, I never even dreamed you'd find a special somepony. I thought you were happy with the ways things were, and that you had no need for romance. But ever since you found the Prince, you've been even more cheerful and animated than ever. I think Bean is bringing out something wonderful from deep inside you, and I have no doubt he'll continue to do so. You and he are perfect for each other."

"Why thank you, Twilight!" Celestia replied. "I never thought I would have a special somepony either, but now that I do you can bet all the bits in the royal coffers that I'm going to keep my Bean, no matter what. He fills every last bit of me with contentment and completeness, and that's a feeling I never want to lose."

"I don't think you ever will," Rarity offered with a deep smile. "And I bet he never wants to lose it either."

* * *

This was it.

Bean took another long, deep breath as he tried to steel himself. There were just a few minutes remaining before he was due to head out onto the balcony and marry Princess Celestia.

Again.

It wasn't exactly the kind of wedding he had thought it would be when he was younger, but it was far better than anything he could have imagined.

"Just about there, sir," Wysteria offered. "I don't even know how that inseam got torn."

"I'm just grateful you know how to sew," he replied with relief. "I'm sure pulling Rarity away from Celestia's side right now would be like trying to move Canterlot."

"You pick up a lot of things as the secretary to the Princesses," Wysteria offered with some pride, "including things you'd never think of. I don't know how many torn dresses I've had to repair just before a formal event started."

"I don't doubt that," he said with a chuckle. "Did you manage to find a plus one for today's little event?"

"I did, sir, and it's not Quillpoint."

"No? Why not?"

"A royal wedding is a priority event, so he has to work. I invited an old roommate of mine, actually. She's been pestering me for years to get her into a Grand Galloping Gala, so this is my way of making it up to her."

"Sir?" A knock came through the door with Sergeant Pokey's voice right behind. "It's time."

"Wys?"

"Oh, we've moved on to nicknames, have we?" She gave him a sly look. "I didn't know you were ready to take our relationship to _that_ level."

"I can always go with _Missus_ Wysteria Iris Inkwell."

"Don't you dare, that sounds like I'm some old nag. I'll take Wys over that any day, and that should do it," she replied with a quick tug of the thread to break it off. "Take a look, sir."

Bean turned to the full length mirror and took a moment to fully appreciate his appearance. Dressed again in a blue coat with brilliant brass buttons, he was now sporting a golden sash that draped over his right shoulder and across his front instead of the white, sun-emblazoned shoulder pads of the previous version. His Celestial Crystal had been polished and cleaned until it burned with an outward fire that was but a reflection of what was in his heart for Celestia.

He could not keep from smiling.

"You look good, sir," Wysteria offered.

"Thanks. You look good too."

"I don't know how Rarity managed to get so many dresses made in such a short time," she offered with a glance back over her own green chiffon ensemble. "And it's probably the finest dress I've ever owned. It'll be nice to have this for future royal events."

"Not to mention off hour dates with a certain somepony."

"Yes, that too." Wysteria laughed. "But enough about me. Celestia will tear the palace apart, brick by brick, if you fail to show. Let's get you out there."

"Did you happen to see her dress?" he asked while she opened the door with her magic.

"Nice try. My lips are sealed," she replied with a teasing look. "You will love it, though."

"I could pull rank on you. I _am_ your boss, after all."

"You could."

"You still wouldn't tell me, would you?"

"Not a chance, Your Highness."

"Traitor. Would calling you a traitor work?" he asked with a laugh.

"Not in the slightest, sir, but nice try."

Bean nodded and smiled all the more when he saw his loyal guards waiting for him just outside the doorway, and he took a moment to hoofbump them both. "I think you two used extra armor wax today. You seem brighter than normal."

"Perhaps a little more spit and polish sir, yes," Clover Leaf replied. "But it's well worth it."

"I bet this last week has been all sorts of fun for the guard."

"It's been interesting, sir," Hokey Pokey replied, with a ruffle of his wings. "Sergeant Leaf and I have been involved in every phase of the arrangements, and while I am glad you and the Princess are getting married again, I won't deny I'll be glad when it's all over."

"I understand that completely." Bean laughed, and he began walking with everypony as he continued. "But thank you, again, for everything you do. It really does mean a lot to me that you put yourselves through this for Celestia and me."

"It's our honor to do so, sir," Pokey replied with a sly smile. "And the 'Guard the Prince' differential pay helps out quite a bit, too."

"I don't doubt that for a moment," Bean replied. "Any word on changeling issues?"

"It's been quiet, sir. Too quiet," Clover replied first. "We've been running scans non-stop for the last two weeks and there's been nothing. I honestly would hope they're not dumb enough to try invading a wedding again; they have to know we're looking for them."

"Still, it's good to be vigilant. Celly has only gotten the very basics of self-defence across to me so far. I'd be a dead duck if they did try anything."

"No worries there, sir. Even if something happens, the Princess would make a flambé out of it before anypony could blink."

"That she would. Have my parents arrived yet, Wys?"

"They're waiting for you at the rendezvous point. They arrived about two hours ago."

"They did?"

"Yeah. Your father wanted to surprise you."

"Well, I suppose I can forgive them then," he chuckled. "And everypony else is ready to go?"

"I'll get the final go-ahead in just a minute, but yes. Everypony should be ready."

Bean took a deep breath. "You know, I'm wondering if I was more nervous at my actual wedding or if I am now."

"I would say the first one, sir. Your left rear leg isn't shaking yet."

Bean glanced back at the appendage with a smirk. "I am never playing poker with you, Wys. Ever."

Nothing more was said as Bean walked with his small entourage through the hallways of the palace and towards the ceremony that, in honesty, he wasn't sure he would ever experience in life. There had been times in his past when he had wondered if he would ever find a special somepony, of if the demands of the Zuerst would prevent him from ever having a life outside of cooking. There had always been so much pressure to perform, to meet the expectations of his parents and their dreams. He had honestly believed, at various points in his life, that he would never experience the warmth and companionship of a mare. He would be doomed into a forced and unwanted love of fruits and vegetables, sauces and soups.

But now he was here, at the threshold of what would, undoubtedly, be one of the greatest days of his life. The terms he was coming up with to describe how he felt about what was happening were perhaps a bit trite and beyond obvious, but it still was quite pleasing to think that he would have this moment to remember and to cherish until his dying breath. The magic of what was about to happen, the importance of what this ceremony symbolized to him, and the knowledge that he could claim, without any sort of reservation or hindrance, the Princess—no, the goddess—who was known as Celestia as his own, for now and for always, was something that filled every last inch of him with a joy indescribable. She would be his, he would be hers, and nothing would ever be able to drive them apart.

If there was a way to die of happiness, Baked Bean had found it.

Bean had to quickly dab at a tear of joy in the corner of his eye when he rounded a corner and found his parents waiting for him. Deep smiles and warm hugs were shared as they greeted each other, and Bean chuckled a bit when he noticed that his mom was on the verge of ruining her mascara.

"This is it, eh?" Garbanzo remarked. "You doing alright?"

"It is possible to feel every emotion at the same time?" Bean replied with a chuckle. "No, I feel good. I feel ready. And all of this?" He inhaled deeply. "It feels _right_."

"Good. It should feel right," Garbanzo said with a firm nod. "It did for me when I married your mother."

"How are you two handling all this?"

"Oh, I think we're doing all right. I personally feel proud, Bean buddy. You've done well, and you're going to continue to do well. You may not be the chef I expected, but you are the Bean that I always knew you could be."

"Thanks, Dad." Bean smiled deeply. "How 'bout you, Mom?"

"Wysteria has promised to keep me supplied with tissues, so I'll manage," she replied with a deep smile, while dabbing at the corner of her eyes with one of said tissues. "I'm proud of you too, my little Baked. You're marrying a fantastic mare, and I'm not just saying that because she's the Princess. She's the one for you, I can tell. She deserves you far more than the Zuerst ever did."

"I've actually been meaning to ask. What are you going to do with the restaurant now that all of this has happened?"

"We're not sure yet," Lima replied, and Garbanzo nodded in agreement. "We'll still keep it going for now, but we're not sure if we should find somepony else to take over for us when we're ready to retire or if we should just shut it down."

"We could always sell it, too," Garbanzo noted.

"Oh, that would be a shame, though," Bean said sadly. "Why not see if Mung and Chowder want to learn the ropes? I bet they'd do good with it."

"We did toss that idea around a bit," Lima said, "but we're not sure if he'd want to have it. We'll talk it over with them later, see what they think. Right now they're both wrapped up in wedding preparations."

"They are here, right?"

"Everypony is here, don't worry. They're waiting in their seats as we speak."

"Your Highness?" Wysteria called out. "We need to move."

"Is this what your days are like now?" Lima asked as they began walking again. "Having ponies endlessly telling you where to go?"

"No. Sometimes, they tell me how to dress, and if I ask nicely they'll even brush my teeth."

"You better not make anypony do that," Wysteria called back.

Bean laughed a little. "In all honesty, my days are scheduled out pretty well, but there is time for some relaxation and non-governmental stuff. It's actually not so bad, in a way."

"I suppose not," Lima replied as they rounded the last corner to the balcony.

"There he is!" Shining Armor shouted. "It's bad to be late to your own wedding, you know!"

"Hey, at least I showed up, right?" Bean replied back with a hearty laugh. All of the Element Bearers—except Twilight—were waiting patiently with Shining and Spike, and all of them looked regal and delightful in their own ways. The mares were dressed in light and bright dresses that Rarity and Fluttershy had produced in an astonishingly short amount of time, and Spike looked quite dapper in his tailored suit and top hat. Even Shining, who was dressed in his Crystal Empire formal wear, looked a bit more royal than normal.

Or was it just because he had combed his mane? Bean wasn't totally sure.

"So, we're all here now, right?" Wysteria asked.

"No, we're still missing Blueblood," Shining replied.

"He isn't here?!" Wysteria took a quick headcount again, grew red in the face with a low groan of severe annoyance, and then teleported away.

"So, I guess we wait?" Rainbow Dash remarked.

"_I_ think we should get started without him," Rarity replied with contempt and with her nose firmly in the air. "If he is uncouth enough to be late to our Princess' wedding, he deserves to be left out."

"Still holdin' on to that grudge, eh Rarity?" Applejack offered with a grin.

"I am certain I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm with Rarity," Spike announced to the surprise of nopony. "If he can't be here on time, we should leave him behind!"

"If we have to, we will," Bean replied, "but I'd hate for him to miss out. Maybe he just had a small emergency to deal with."

Wysteria and the missing irksome prince then flashed back into the hallway, and she promptly prodded him with her horn firmly enough that it threatened to go clean through his navy blue blazer and into his ribcage.

"Move! Move, move, move!" she ordered.

"Gracious, Miss Inkwell, you don't need to threaten me so!" Blueblood protested.

"Oh, look," Rarity replied with a look as flat as her voice. "It's _Prince_ Blueblood, the pooper of parties. So nice of you to join us."

"And you are?" Blueblood said aloofly, sending Rarity into a barely contained rage that took Rainbow and Applejack to hold her back.

"Do we _really_ have to let him participate?" Rainbow Dash asked in a loud and hoarse whisper to Wysteria.

"I'm afraid we do. Celestia wishes to have him in attendance, so here he is."

"I'm not sure why you are all so surprised at my presence. I always delight in taking part in the pleasant, trivial pastimes of the peasantry."

"Why I outta…" Applejack growled, but Fluttershy stepped in front of her with her wings outstretched before a move could be made by the farmer.

"Now, Applejack," she gently chided, "just because Prince Blueblood is being a big meanie pants doesn't mean you should be mean too."

"Alright, everypony," Wysteria admonished with a heavy eye roll, "this is supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion, so let's just pretend that we like each other until we get done with today, and then we can all go back to hating Blueblood."

Said target of scorn let a small growl of irritation accompany his scowl, but nopony else really noticed or cared.

"Wait!" Discord suddenly intervened with no forewarning, per the norm with him. "No pony told me there was going to be a roast too! I want a turn! A-hem. That Blueblood, I tell ya!"

Fluttershy and Baked Bean both grinned at the sound of the new voice, and it only took a moment for Fluttershy to go airborne and give Discord a large hug.

"You came!" Fluttershy happily stated the obvious. "I knew you would."

"But of course!" he replied, and with a snap of his paw, he again donned his garishly orange tuxedo and top hat. "Celestia did promise that I could be the ring bearer, after all. Bean, you _were_ going to let me still do that, weren't you? I've got them right here."

Discord produced a heavy iron-bound chest and dumped it out with a clatter of iron chains and heavy weights that were attached to a full set of glittering steel manacles and a muzzle. "There's yours. Let me look for your beautiful bride's," he added while rummaging through his pockets.

"Hold it, Discord. We have some already."

"What? Oh, foo." He pouted for a moment, but then brightened again. "But you will let me hold them, right?"

"I will, Discord. Just don't lose them this time?"

"They will be treated with the utmost care, Bean-o."

"And please don't turn them into ringworms."

Discord gave him an annoyed look. "Bean, I thought you knew me better than that. I would never even dream of turning them into worms. Snakes, yes, but not worms. I do have standards, you know."

"Of course, how could I mess that up?"

"Well, I suppose I can overlook it just this once, but don't expect a second wedding gift."

"You gave us a first one?"

"I kept the changelings from invading, thank _you_ very much."

"How could they invade when nopony knew about it?"

"Are you two done?" Wysteria cut in. "We really need to get started."

"Yeah, let's get this going." Discord offered a grin that nearly crackled as much as his knuckles that he was presently popping. "Pinkie promised me a chaos cake, and I am simply _dying_ to see what she made."

"Oh, your mind is going to be blown, Discord," Pinkie offered with a severely devious grin. "This is going to redefine 'chaos.'"

Sergeant Clover Leaf then held up a sizeable golden case towards Discord, but when he took it from her, it immediately dropped straight to the ground, and it took him along for the ride. There was a gasp of shock, but before any further reaction could occur Discord strained to stand straight again, and the case looked undamaged, much to everypony's relief.

"Sweet lunar rocks, Bean!" Discord grunted. "What are these things made of, solid gold?!"

"Silver, actually. These are the same rings Luna and Star Struck exchanged when they married. Luna shot down our objections about using them, and she said it could be a new royal tradition."

"That is so romantic!" Rarity sighed.

"That, and it takes care of the something old element. Discord, it really is an honor to me that you would do this."

"So long as no hobbits or Gollums show up looking for them," he remarked, and he slowly lifted the lid to inspect the goods. "I'm also not going anywhere near a volcano, no matter what kind of fellowship you put together."

A blast of fanfare from outside cut off any further comments, and Wysteria helped everypony to hustle into their proper position. The balcony doors then swung open, and a full orchestra began to play as Shining Armor and Prince Blueblood strode out into the sunlight.

"You're going to do just fine, sir," Wysteria offered softly to Bean, while he took a deep breath.

"You will, too. Thanks again for everything. This couldn't have happened without you."

"Not a problem, sir. Just remember all this at my annual performance review."

"I will," he chuckled, and he gave a reassuring smile to his parents while the Element Bearers happily made their exit.

"You're up, Your Highness," Wysteria said with a smile. "Knock 'em dead."

"In other words, don't trip?"

"You got it. Just remember to lead off with your right hoof."

Sadly, Wysteria failed to mention _which_ right hoof he was supposed to lead with, and he stumbled slightly when he walked out into the sunlight. Once he regained his composure, though, he managed to keep his steps even and sure as he strode down the red carpet with his parents, and they took their places behind him while he took his place at the front of the balcony. His heart was thumping hard enough in his chest that he was sure his Celestial Crystal was bouncing, but the smile of pure joy felt like it would be forever etched upon his lips.

The unicorn guards then let loose another proud fanfare, and all eyes turned upward. Bean had been told Celestia wanted to make a grand entrance, but the details on how she planned to do that had been withheld from him, mostly by his own choosing. He wanted to be as surprised as everypony else.

He was not disappointed.

From out of the midday sun, Celestia's graceful and elegant form began to slowly and regally descend towards her beloved. To her right flew Luna, to her left was Cadence, and before her was Twilight, who played the part of flower filly quite well. Small rose petals daintily drifted out of her basket and upon the awestruck crowd as they all silently fluttered down to the awaiting Bean, and for a moment, his heart and lungs nearly stopped working.

He had heard, from time to time, about a strange phenomenon involving the slowing, or even the stoppage, of time. Reportedly, this unusual occurrence could be triggered by an event of extreme magnitude, in either the positive or negative regard, and for the participant the natural tick and tock of the seconds that made up one's existence would become distorted, reduced, and could even be silenced for lengths that ranged anywhere from moments to eternity. He had never really put much faith or stock in these stories; the logic behind such an event was absurd. Time marched on, heedless to the pleadings of those who were subject to it and irrespective of the station, power, position, wealth, or influence any one pony may hold. Only two had ever truly escaped it's grasp, and those two were they who led Equestria in wisdom and order.

And now, Baked Bean found he was going to be formally married to one of them.

It really shouldn't have been a surprise to him when time did slow with her decent. Princess Celestia was every bit the goddess Bean believed her to be, and twice more besides. It was as if all of existence simply stood aside, patiently waiting for the two of them to have their moment before it would dare to intrude again.

When her bare hooves gently touched the dias in front of him, color itself bled away, leaving nothing but white for Bean to behold. Her dress was light as a cloud, gently fell off of her shoulders, and flowed like a gentle river over her barrel and over her haunches, but the sparkle it emitted from its pure-white surface would make the crystals of a fresh snowfall jealous. The smile that graced her lips would from that moment on redefine the word 'pleased', and the very _taste_ of that moment was one that Baked Bean knew would defy time itself.

And then Celestia flitted her eyes open, and the pure magenta of her gaze slammed color back into existence for him with enough force to nearly take him off his hooves. The dance of the cerulean, turquoise, cobalt, and heliotrope waves filled his soul with pastel peace, and in her quiet giggle, his existence became complete. Everything he felt, everything he knew, everything that he _was_ in that moment could be summarized in one glorious whole.

Celestia.

"Well, here we are," Celestia softly whispered to him while Luna, Cadence, and Twilight floated into their respective positions, and a loud sob of joy escaped from Shining Armor.

"And I wish we could stay here," Bean replied, but then he noticed something. "You're not wearing your tiara?"

"We are equal here, my love," she softly said. "I am not marrying you as a Princess. This union is between Baked Bean and Celestia, a stallion and a mare who are madly in love with each other. Nothing else at this point matters."

"Nothing else ever will, I think."

"I certainly hope so," she replied with a quick boop of his nose.

"Dear friends!" Luna's Royal Canterlot Voice boomed out across the assembled masses, but somehow Bean retained his hearing. "On behalf of Princess Celestia and Prince Baked Bean, it is my pleasure to welcome you all here, and to extend that welcome to all who cannot attend this ceremony. They know you are with them in spirit, and it is the earnest hope of the happy couple that the joy and happiness they now feel can extend to you, wherever you may be.

"We welcome the various dignitaries who have joined us today, both from Equestria and from lands abroad, as well as the Element Bearers of Equestria, and even Discord, even though we're still working on a way to block his chaos magic."

"She's talking about me. I'm so flattered," Discord remarked happily as he ribbed Blueblood, who scoffed in annoyance.

"This moment, my dear friends, is now the pinnacle of jubilation for my sister and for her husband. Despite the unorthodox circumstances surrounding their union, I can tell you all without reservation that the love that these two share is deep, strong, and true. They revere and admire each other, they care for one another, and from this moment onward, there will be nothing to impede the heights that they can reach together.

"However, we all know you're here for the cake and the party, so let's get this over with, shall we?" she called out, and a large, cheering laugh rose up from the guests. "Very well! Baked Bean, do you take Celestia as your own? Will you cherish her, will you love her? Will she be yours, for now until the end of your days, and will you do all within your power to ensure you treat her as your wife?"

"I will," he proudly proclaimed.

"And do you do this of your own choice, with no coercement or intimidation on the part of myself?"

"I do this because I love Celestia," he replied in joy. "I do it of my own choice."

"Good answer," Luna replied with a smile, and then she turned to her sister. "Celestia, do you take this Bean to be your Baked? Will _you_ cherish him, will you love him? Will he be first and foremost in your life? Will you do all within your power to ensure you treat him as your husband, until his end?"

"I will," she replied with enough joy to flood the whole of Equestria.

"And do you do this because you got all nosey with him?"

"Loving every moment of this, aren't you?" she laughed back at her, and Luna nodded vigorously and with a huge smile. "I do this because I was nosey with him, and for so much more. I do this because I love him."

"Good, 'cause I still don't want to mess around with that big ball of hot air you've got. And so! By the powers vested and invested within my most Royal Sisterliness, it is my supreme pleasure and greatest honor to proclaim Baked Bean and Celestia to be hitched, joined, connected, and/or married, and that you are now husband and wife …"

Her wings flared upward in perfect synchronization with Twilight, Cadence, and Celestia's, and before Bean could react, her magic snagged him, pulled him to her, and she planted the most wonderful kiss upon his lips that he had ever experienced.

"... again!" Luna grandly finished.

The assembled crowd broke out into thunderous applause while Discord stepped forward and held the ring box before the newly remarried couple. Celestia gave him a quick peck on the cheek before pulling Bean's hoof ring out with her magic, and Discord stammered with a shy blush while she slid the golden adornment onto his left hoof.

Bean then gently took Celestia's ring out from the box, and his touch was feather soft as he slid the ring down gracefully down her horn. They shared another smile, kissed again, and then turned to face the assembled crowd.

It was later said that the resounding cheer that then exploded out of Canterlot could be heard as far away as Ponyville.

* * *

Baked Bean had come to a realization.

Though he would never forget how he had felt during the ceremony, it was a virtual guarantee that he would forget a good portion of the party afterwards.

It wasn't because he was trying to, of course, but the overwhelming rush of sensory inputs that occured after they had kissed was beyond what he could handle.

He would remember large chunks of it, thankfully. He would never forget cutting the cake, or how he somehow managed to smear it across Celestia's muzzle. He wouldn't ever forget her return shot either, or how he managed to eat most of it before she could properly paint his nose in retaliation. He would remember the luncheon with the dignitaries and ambassadors from the various allies of Equestria, and he was sure he would forever remember how Discord managed to get Ambassador Ghis to laugh so uproariously that he snorted, much to the amusement of all the other invited guests. He was even sure he'd remember that Blueblood, who he had expected to be irritated and annoyed with the whole of the day, actually gave a genuine smile and a short thanks to Bean as Luna's moon had risen into the sky that evening. He would remember the feel, the aura of everything.

He would forever remember the joy.

But there was one moment in particular, towards the end of the day, that he knew would leave an indelible impression on his memory. It was during the open dance portion of the evening, just before everything was to be concluded, and Bean found himself on the floor with Celestia, his arms gently around her neck as they softly swayed to the gentle beat of the music.

"So, my love, what do you think?" Celestia asked. "Was this a fair party?"

"It's beyond anything I could have envisioned, in all good ways. I don't know that I'll ever be able to fully describe how I've felt about everything."

"Wow?" she offered.

"Wow," he agreed with a shared laugh. "Did Rarity design your dress too?"

"She did."

"It's amazing. I really like how it almost seems to glint with rainbows when you look at it. I've never seen a fabric so white before."

"I'm glad you like it, but I must say I like the design of your coat too. It's formal, dashing, debonair even. It is a small wonder that a such a charming stallion, dressed as you are, could capture my heart."

"So long as you keep it, my love," he softly replied. "Just as I will keep you."

"We shall keep each other, through all of life's trials." She spoke with all of the authority she had as a Princess of Equestria. "Your for me, and me for you. Together, we will conquer all."

She then rested her head on his shoulder, and Bean smiled as deeply as he possibly could from sheer glee. All he had ever wanted, all he had ever desired, he now had and held within his hooves.

He had her.

His eyes then caught sight of Luna, who was sitting off to the side of the dance floor and watching the proceedings with a happy tear in the corner of her eye. His heart broke a little as he thought about her, sitting through this, without her beloved Star Struck. She deserved to have the happiness he felt, and that her sister was producing.

But then his smile returned in full force. A waltzing couple blocked his view of Luna for a brief moment, but once they had moved aside he saw that a new pony was now sitting next to her, his arm around her barrel and her wing around his form. He was a broad and charming black stallion, with a black mane that had lightning blue streaks throughout, and he gave Baked Bean a nod of solid satisfaction before resting his head on Luna's side. She, in turn, tilted her own head to rest on his, and Bean wiped away a tear quickly before Celestia pulled back and looked him in the eye.

"Star is here, isn't he?"

"I hope that's what I'm seeing," Bean remarked.

"Even if it is just in spirit, he is here. It may be a bit trite and overused, but I am a firm believer that a loved one is never truly gone as long as they are remembered. Star will forever live in Luna's heart, just as you will forever be in mine."

"And when the end comes?" Bean had to ask. "When it is time to say goodbye?"

"I will cherish the memories we will make together, just as you will, but let us not dwell on that now. We have each other, and a lifetime of opportunity awaits us. Together, we shall ascend, together we shall succeed, and together we will _thrive._ Neither of us will ever just live again. Now, and forever more, we are _alive_."

The newlywed couple then shared a kiss most worthy, and as they did so the crowd around them once again cheered and applauded. Fittingly enough, a round of fireworks then shot off into the night sky, and the blasts of light that now illuminated the sky served as the perfect visual to the feelings Baked Bean and Celestia felt within themselves and shared with each other.

* * *

Mandible watched in confusion as the distant pops of light and sound began to echo across the grassy fields were he sat. At the moment, he appeared to be a simple grey pegasus who was in the company of a svelte blue unicorn mare and two earth ponies of grey and opal blue, respectively. While the grey one cooked a simple meal over a meager campfire and the blue one gathered some nearby sticks and twigs, the unicorn sat and said nothing as the quill in her magic moved across the newspaper before her.

"Bob, I need a nine letter word that starts with a P for the outward appearance of a pony."

"Would that be 'phenotype', my queen?" the grey earth pony replied.

"Ah!" the disguised Chrysalis chortled. "So it is! Good job, Bob."

Bob smiled and stuck his tongue out at Mandible, who simply rolled his eyes and turned back to look at the fireworks in the sky.

"Still thinking about it?" the opal blue pony asked in soft tones while coming up on his right side.

"Yeah."

"You shouldn't. You'll get us all in trouble."

"Look, Thorax, we _need_ to worry about these things." Mandible replied in a whisper, and with a quick glance back towards his queen. "What kind of a precedent are we setting here? The biggest party in Equestria, with enough love to fuel twenty hives and here we sit like bumps on a log, waiting for who-knows-what."

"Queen Chrysalis knows what she's doing. We just need to follow her orders."

"Her orders? Her orders are to sit here. What good is that going to do?"

"It sounds like you two are having a lively discussion over here," Chrysalis offered over the top of the two changelings, and both yelped as they whirled around and bowed.

"Just idle thoughts, My Queen!" Mandible replied quickly. "Nothing your most exaltedness needs to concern herself with!"

"Oh, I think I do, Mandible," she replied with a swat to his nose from her rolled-up newspaper. "From what I have heard, it sounds like you don't like it here."

"No, I love it here, my Queen. I would follow you to the ends of Equestria and back again."

"But?" Chrysalis prodded after a moment, and she pushed up his chin with the paper to ensure his eyes were on her.

"But, my Queen, I thought you said we were going to invade."

Chrysalis offered a low and amused chuckle, one that everyling feared. It was the cold and evil laugh of a heartless fiend who was about to demonstrate the depths of her sadism, and Thorax slowly began to slink away. He had no desire to be a part of his fellow bug's suffering.

"Mandible, you delightful little bug you." She bopped him on the head with the paper. "Let's have a little review, shall we? When did we last visit Canterlot?"

"Uh…" Mandible swallowed hard. He really did not wish to answer that, but it would be far worse if he didn't. "It was, uh, for the wedding of Princess Cadence."

"Very good. What did we try to do?"

"You impersonated the Princess, and then we invaded."

"Two for two, aren't you a smart little bug." Her fangs glistened in the moonlight, and Mandible was really beginning to regret his career choices while she stooped down low and began to whisper. "Now, here's a tricky one: how did things end for us that day?"

"Uh ... we, uh ... we got blasted out into the Badlands by the combined power of Shining Armor and Cadence's love."

"Good, good. Now, for the hardest one of all: do you think that maybe, just maybe, ponies have something called memories, and that they remember all of this, too?"

Mandible didn't answer. He was too busy watching his short and somewhat pathetic life flash before him.

"My sweet little Mandible," Chrysalis cooed in the same way a spider would to a fly it was about to consume, and her magic took the newspaper while she pinched both of his cheeks with her hooves. "You're not paid to think, so I would suggest you stop."

"I will immediately do so, my Queen."

"Mm, good," she gave his face just a hint of a squeeze, and then she released him. "If you will recall, I said we had not been _invited_ to the wedding. I never said anything about _attending_. Celestia's guards have been scouring every square inch of Canterlot in an effort to prevent me from crashing the wedding again, and even with the hive at full strength we would not be able to overpower Celestia, Luna, Cadence, _and_ Twilight Sparkle."

She paused, and unfurled the paper to show the bold headline Guard on High Alert for Royal Wedding before letting out a snicker. "On a very simple level, I find some glee in the fact that they spent thousands of bits in a futile effort to expose a nonexistent invasion, and I can hardly wait to see the pictures of all those snooty unicorns trying to eat their cake without their magic."

Thorax shot a warning look to Bob. The newspaper that was being used to smack sense into Mandible had also announced Celestia's reversal of the order to block unicorn magic. It had been carefully removed by three little changelings out of an overabundance of caution and a basic, primal desire to live. Now was definitely not the time to broach the topic.

"No, what I said, _exactly,_ was that we needed to make arrangements to meet the new Prince, and meet him we shall," she grandly pronounced with another newspaper-driven swat of Mandible's nose. "I will not be denied this time, and my revenge will be all the sweeter when I corrupt Celestia's precious little Baked Bean.

"So do not question me, my minions. We will remain here until the party is over, _then_ we will make our move. It will take time, even more than what was required for Cadence, but have faith, my little ones. Your beloved Queen knows _exactly_ what she is doing."

Her lips curled back over sharp fangs, and Chrysalis chuckled. "Oh, this is going to be so much _fun!"_


	10. - Fillydelphia

"Uh, Celly, sweetie? Apple of my eye, love of my life?"

"I'm not talking to you," Celestia huffed playfully.

"Ok, but can you put me down now?" Baked Bean waved his legs in Celestia's magic field as if he were doing the breaststroke, but went nowhere other than to continue floating behind his most Royal love.

Celestia scrunched her nose, rolled her eyes in thought, and let out a long, thoughtful hum.

"No," she finally declared with a badly-suppressed giggle.

"So, do you plan on towing me along in your magic all day?"

"Yes," she replied with a smirk. "It's your punishment for that little stunt you pulled at sunrise. You're going to start a doomsday cult somewhere if you keep interrupting me like that."

"Hey, in my defense, I didn't know you could lose your grip on the sun."

"Now you know," she replied before pulling him closer and giving his nose a quick kiss. "Where did you even find that thing, anyway?"

"They're in the gift shop, down by the front desk. They were even buy one, get one half-off."

"Oh, great," she laughed. "That means you have a replacement."

"If I turn it over, will you let me go?"

"I'll let you go anyway," she replied with another quick kiss, and they both giggled a bit after his hooves settled back onto the ground. "Ponies would wonder what we're up to if I did keep you suspended all day."

"That they would. I'll behave."

"I have my doubts about that," she replied with a laughing scoff. "Shall we have breakfast now?"

"I'd like that. What do you think the hotel cooked up for us this morning?"

"I do believe it will be omelettes. You did mention that you haven't had one in some time."

"I do believe you will be right."

A staccato burst of knocks came from the main door, and Wysteria entered after Bean called out for her to enter. Her magic held a large silver tray with two plates of food, and she offered a warm greeting while placing the tray on the nearby table.

"Omelettes," Bean observed thoughtfully. "I guess you win, my sweet?"

"I suppose so, but whatever shall I claim for my prize?" she asked with a nip of his ear.

"We'll discuss that later," he purred.

"That we will," she threatened gleefully. "Wysteria, good morning. How are you?"

"Just fine, Princess. I have just a couple of things to go over with both of you," she replied with a quick shuffle of her paperwork. "Let's see: the Astronomical Society is whining about the increase and the frequency of solar flares, but I already replied back to them. Princess Cadence reports no changes on the Yakyakstani border, and the most recent envoy was rejected as well."

"Tell them to please keep trying. I don't want to have them close off their borders for hundreds of moons again," Celestia replied with a sigh. "I wish we knew what happened. Perhaps Bean and I should make an attempt at reopening the border."

"I would bet Captain Armor and Lieutenant Spear Point would have a wee bit of an issue with that," Wysteria commented, while squinting to read the next paper in line. "But I will send the message. Next, Luna sends her regards and reports that all is well in Canterlot, and she hopes you have enjoyed your stay in Fillydelphia. She looks forward to your return this evening, and she also says that trying to paint Prince Blueblood is very difficult, since he won't hold still."

"Does Luna paint too?" Bean asked.

"No," Celestia said with a knowing sigh. "She is trying to _paint_ Blueblood."

"Oh. So if I ever see her with a paint can, I should run?"

"That would be a wise course of action." Celestia shook her head and smiled. "What else do you have, Wysteria?"

"One last thing. I have confirmed the details for your visit to the Writer's Convention, and I have also confirmed that A.K. Yearling will be the final keynote speaker. She has agreed to meet with you after her speech."

"_The_ A.K. Yearling?" Bean asked. "Wow. I'd heard she was a recluse and didn't do conventions."

"That depends on how you define 'do conventions,'" Celestia replied. "She will make some brief appearances at events like this when she has a new book coming out, but otherwise she avoids them."

"Have you ever met her?"

"I have had the opportunity to meet her before, yes. I believe I even have an autographed copy of each of her books."

"Woah. Does Luna have autographed books too?"

"We don't share _everything_," said Celestia with a raised eyebrow. "She had to get her own. _But_, I will let you look at my copies when we return."

"I should probably read them, too." Bean remarked thoughtfully.

"It should be fairly easy to get you a reading copy," Celestia offered.

"You haven't read the _Daring Do_ series?" Wysteria asked.

"I just couldn't get into it." Bean shrugged. "I think I got a third of the way through _the Sapphire Statue_ and that was it."

"May I humbly suggest you try again?"

"I suppose I could. Maybe I just wasn't in the right frame of mind at the time."

"I can believe that, given what I know about your history, but I think you'll be more interested in them after your meeting with Miss Yearling," Wysteria offered with a knowing glance over to the Princess.

"Indeed. I am most curious to see what your thoughts are regarding the mystery mage in her fourth book," Celestia added with a wink for her secretary. "Anything else, Wysteria?"

"No, that's all I have for now, other than letting you know the carriage is prepped and ready to go whenever you are."

"Thank you," Celestia replied. "We will be down shortly."

"Are you really sure you want to go to this writer's thing?" Bean asked while Wysteria made her exit. "I get the feeling you agreed just because I said it would be fun to check it out."

"I do want to go, and not just because you said that," she replied as she began to portion out her meal. "It will be good to have other writers and editors look over your work."

"Isn't that what you've been doing?"

"Yes, but second opinions are always valuable, especially on your first work. The ponies who will be in attendance today will give you ideas and suggest methods of phrasing and prose that even I might not think of. I believe this will help broaden your writing horizons, and there is even the possibility that you will inspire writing yourself."

"I could?"

"There have been many times when one writer will help another's own tale, or when their words will give another a spark of inspiration. Miss Yearling, in fact, was inspired to try her hoof at writing after reading _Drifting Down the Lazy River_ and the _Dragon King_ series."

"Huh. So, I can help others while they help me?"

Celestia smiled and nodded. "The same principle works well in government, too."

"That makes sense," he replied with a sigh. "I still feel a bit nervous about showing off my work, though."

"It is difficult to expose that part of you, I will agree. It is because this is something personal, something that you have offered from your heart and soul. It is a risk you will take as a writer, and it is a virtual guarantee that somepony will outright hate your work. But you cannot improve if you do not try, and even in failure, you can learn."

Bean nodded while he mulled over his wife's words. "You are right, as always. Have you ever considered a secondary career as a motivational speaker?"

"I hope I am motivational all the time."

"You certainly are for me," Bean replied with a growing smile. "And now, I do believe I am motivated to eat."

* * *

Bean held his papers a little closer to his chest, and his eyes drifted over the various booths and tables that meandered throughout the Grand Ballroom of the convention center. He was still eager to peruse the offerings of the various vendors, of course, but there was no denying that he was having second thoughts about letting another pony read his mush.

"Where shall we begin, my love?" Celestia asked, while her eyes swept over the offerings as well.

"I'm not sure. I think maybe over there?" He replied with a nod over towards the far end of the hall.

"You're nervous about letting somepony else read your work, aren't you?"

"Ah! You said the word!" Bean gasped before laughing with her. "All right, yes. I am. I mean, it's one thing to let you read it. You love me, and you've always been super kind and nice about correcting my mistakes. I guess I worry that other ponies won't be like that."

"It is possible," Celestia replied with a wise and understanding nod. "Each pony is free to evaluate your work in their own way, but you are also free to withhold your work from them. If you do not wish to, then I will say nothing more on the matter."

Bean drew in a long breath, then exhaled quickly. "No. I trust you, and since you believe it would be good for me to let others look at my work, I will do it. Just hold me when I start crying, ok?"

"I'll hold you anyway," she replied with a quick kiss, "and I'll banish anypony who speaks ill of your work to a prison in the Everfree Forest that I will construct for that express purpose."

"I feel bad for that pony," Bean offered while looking over the hall again. "So, who would do well in prison? Let's see."

They both then began walking through the crowd and among the booths with no clear purpose. Bean wasn't even really sure what he was looking for, but it seemed like he would know it when he saw it, whatever 'it' was.

The convention did seem to hold just about everything a pony could need for writing, however one interpreted that, and Bean found himself awash in pencil and paper suppliers, binding companies, publishing houses, illustrators, promoters, agents, and even a pulp-to-paper conversion company. There didn't appear to be any rhyme or reason to the layout or the setup of the booths, and it was a bit hard at times to tell who was selling what. Bean was grateful that the ponies they were mingling with didn't seem to be too overawed by his wife's presence. Most ponies simply offered a courteous dip of their head before attempting to sell their wares when the two of them approached a booth and looked over the offering.

Bean then came to a stark realization: this was going to take quite some time. Celestia was making a clear point of visiting _every_ booth, in what was, presumably, an effort not to play favorites or to give one pony the advantage of claiming to have caught her eye, so it was a bit of a slog while they both moved from one pony to another. He did have to admit it was quite informative, and he was learning quite a bit about books and publishing as he went along, but he was a bit disheartened to see there were no proofreaders or editors within sight.

After a couple of hours of this, however, Bean was finally rewarded for his patience. Contrary to his prior assessment, there _was_ a method to the madness in the hall; they had started in the publishing section and were now wandering towards the editors. Bean felt his apprehension and his excitement begin to notch up when the first proofreader came into view, and he began shuffling his papers while they walked up to the booth.

"Didn't spend much money on his display, did he?" Bean remarked. The tanish yellow pony—who was standing quickly and looking a bit pleased with their approach—was behind what appeared to be a large cardboard box, with the simple statement of _Frank appraisal of your work(s) : 2 Bits_ scrawled across the front in bold, black letters.

"Perhaps not, but it is effective," Celestia replied. "I believe he shall give you an honest review."

"Your Highnesses, good afternoon!" the vendor proclaimed with a deep bow. "Thank you for coming here today, and for your interest in my services. Do you have something to me to review for you? I would love to look over your work."

Bean hesitated, but after catching an encouraging smile from Celestia he took another deep breath and slowly handed over his bundle of papers.

"I've got a few stray ideas in there, and the beginnings of a book that I want to write. Celestia has been helping me, but I would like to get the opinions of others. I doubt it's very good, though."

"Well, let me see," the vendor replied with a quick glance at the middle of the pile. "If Celestia has been helping you then I would bet it's practically perfect in every way."

"Just a moment," Celestia interrupted. "Your… box, I suppose, says that your services cost two bits."

"For Your Highnesses, I can waive that fee. It's no problem."

"No, I insist," Celestia replied, and two bits appeared with a flash of her magic. "It is always important to pay for the services one receives. What is your name, good sir?"

"I'm Quibble Pants, Princess."

"And what are your qualifications?"

"I'm so glad you asked! I hold a master's degree from the Baltimare School of Modern Art in Equish with an emphasis in Journalism, and I am currently employed at Hoofton Muffin as a secondary adjunct editor. I am also the president of the Daring Do Fan Club Local 4077, and I'm a voracious writer of high quality fan fiction, if I do say so myself. I'll show you some of my work, if you'd like."

"Perhaps you can send a sample home with us," Celestia replied with a kind note in her words. "Now, what can you tell us about Prince Bean's writing?"

"Excuse me, Princess?" a guard cut in.

"Yes, Corporal?"

"Miss Inkwell needs to borrow you for one moment for some kind of authorization."

"Duty calls, eh?" Bean offered with a nip of her neck.

"As always. This should only take a moment, though. I'll be right back."

Bean nodded before turning back to Quibble. "So, what do you think?"

"Well, let me see," Quibble replied while his eyes began darting over the first page.

"Be honest, please. Don't hold back just because I'm the Prince."

"Hey, if I advertise frank assessments, then a frank assessment is what you'll get," he retorted. "Huh. So, I guess this is a description of the train station in Canterlot. Why did you write it?"

"I was going to submit it as a tour guide description."

"Huh. Well, it's not very descriptive, is it?"

"I thought it was," Bean replied with a lean to look over his words. "What do you mean?"

"You want this to be in one of those little booklets, right? Well, this is more like an encyclopedia entry. I mean, if I wanted a physical description of the building this would be adequate, but it doesn't really motivate me to go visit the terminal."

"So, what could I do to make it better?"

"I would start with being more descriptive. Show me, don't tell me, in essence. Make me _see_ it, give me a reason to keep reading and to be interested. Write to your audience. Since this is for a tourist, you want to paint the scene for them in vibrant colors, give them a reason to come visit." Quibble quickly grabbed a pencil and a loose piece of paper from somewhere behind his box. "Here, something like this:

"If one wishes to make the pilgrimage to the shining city of Canterlot then they must first pass through the gateway that is The Grand Station." Quibble wrote as fast as he spoke, and Bean was impressed that he could do both at the same time. "If the Castle is the head, one will quickly be forced to say that the bustling station is the beating heart, with more than two dozen tracks converging to bring the very lifeblood of this city; the ponies of Equestria.

"Those who do deign to visit this premier hub will have a view that the everyday commuter is scarcely aware of, provided they take the time to appreciate the grandiose vaulted ceilings, with their panes of marigold tinted glass framed by girders of solid steel closing overhead, sealing in the sounds of the city in motion.

"The walls themselves appear to be a plain red brick, mortared with white, but a keen eye will appreciate how an old classic will always work to fill the need of sturdy architecture. Even the perfectly sheened marble floors appear to keep deep secrets. It is only in the early hours of the morning, when one's hoofsteps can be heard bouncing off the walls and echoing back to the walker in a sort of unseen tennis match, that one could possibly find the hidden meaning of life itself."

"Wow," Bean remarked in awe. "That's really good."

"It's a start," Quibble replied while he looked over the words. "But I'd probably go through and then try to play up the hidden elements, like the ceiling for example. Always try to go over your work two or three times, even if you have an editor, but then step away from it for a little bit and then look it over again. You'll see things you missed the first time around that way."

"I hadn't thought of that." Bean continued to scan the new description in a deeply contemplative state. "How hard is it to find a good editor?"

"You're in the right place for a start." Quibble smirked. "Just ask around. I don't think it'll be much of a problem for you."

Bean gave a quick laugh. "Probably not."

"Fillies and Gentlecolts, gather 'round!" a bombastic voice suddenly flooded the hall. "It's just about time for another demonstration! Hurry, hurry, it's standing room only, my friends!"

Quibble let out a deeply annoyed groan. "This pony again? I was hoping he'd packed up and left by now."

"Who is it?" Bean asked with a glance around the hall.

"A fat headed unicorn named Flam. He's peddling some sort of document editing machine. I think it's a bunch of smoke and mirrors, but nopony will listen to me."

"Flam? Seems like I've heard that name before." Bean rubbed his chin. "I'll be right back. I'd like to go see what he's got."

"No problem, I'll look over the rest of your papers in the meantime."

Bean nodded quickly and trotted over towards a brightly lit stage that he was pretty sure hadn't been there when he had first entered the hall. A sizeable crowd was already standing around and gawking at the metallic monstrosity that occupied the greater portion of the elevated platform, and Bean had to admit it looked rather shiny.

"I hope he picks my story this time!" a pink unicorn announced with barely contained excitement from his side. "I want to see what it says I need to fix."

"Fix?" Bean repeated, but his question went unanswered when a yellow unicorn in a striped vest, straw hat and handlebar moustache proudly pranced out onto the stage.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts, old and young, one and all! I am the Fabulous Flam, and you are all now about to witness one of the greatest marvels of our modern era! I have here a device, a wondrous machine, a technological breakthrough that will revolutionize writing forever!"

"Revolutionize writing, hm?" Bean muttered to himself.

"That's right, my friends, this device here will solve all of your editorial problems, once and for all!" The snazzy salespony gave the device a quick pat of the hoof. "By utilizing the latest and greatest proprietary mechanics, this humble little machine can make any document divine, any novella a novelty, and any story shine! Simply feed any writing that needs a little fix-me-up into the slot right here, and within just a few moments, you will have yourself one professionally edited document for your publication pleasure!"

"Huh, that would be amazing if it worked."

"Now, I know what you're all thinking," Flam swept a hoof dramatically before the crowd, "it's one thing to _say_, but what about the actual _do?_ Well, good friends, have no fear! I am prepared to offer an extended demonstration of this delightful device, for the nominal cost of just five bits! That's right, for a mere pittance and in a fraction of the time of a 'professional' editor," and he made a great show about making air quotes with his hooves, "the Editing Emulsifier Two Thousand can give you—yes, even you—the high quality results your hard work deserves. Now, who would like to go first?"

"Me!" the pink unicorn beside Bean sprang up and rushed the stage. "Do mine! Please, please, please?!"

"My good filly, it would be a delight!" Flam said with a grin that was a little bit too sincere, and he swiftly took both the bundle of papers and the payment from the eager participant. "Now, we simply feed your papers into the slot on the side, and watch the Editing Emulsifier Two Thousand do its thing!"

"Ooh, I can't wait!"

A great deal of clanking and whirring emitted from the contraption once the papers had been fed in. Gears ground, pistons pumped, steam whooshed, and an impressive display of arcing electricity danced in the vacuum tubes that adorned the top of the device. It only took a minute or so of this before the papers emerged from the other side, and the young volunteer giggled madly as she looked over the results.

"Oh!" she exclaimed. "I never even saw that! This is amazing!"

Several more ponies then pressed forward, each clamoring to have their own work run through the machine and without a thought to the price. Flam graciously took the bits while calling for calm, but his smooth movements suddenly paused when he found a certain yellow prince standing before him in the crowd with a scowl.

"So, what are the limitations of this machine?" Bean asked flatly.

"Limits, my Prince?" Flam replied with a grand bow. "Why, there is no limit at all! Any written word can be sent through the Editing Emulifi—"

"Yeah, great." Bean cut him off. "But how does it work, _exactly?_"

"It works quite admirably, my Prince!" Flam replied with a grand motion towards his device. "Why, the Editing Emulsifier Two Thousand can even autocorrect those stuffy laws you find yourself battling day in and day out!"

"Right. Say, where is your brother?"

"Flim?" Flam replied, and he swept his hat off and placed it over his heart. "I am pleased to report I have parted ways with my rather dubious brother, good Sire. I am on the straight and narrow, a path that my brother never cared to tread. I assure you my intents are pure."

"Oh, is that so?" Bean mulled this for a moment. "And do you guarantee the results of this thing?"

"Of course! The results of the Editing Emulsifier Two Thousand are _bona fide_ certified to be accurate and honest."

"Ah, well. That's good to hear," Bean replied with a sigh of relief. "So, surely you won't mind if Princess Celestia looks over the results of your machine?"

Flam's eyes shrank to pinpricks. "P-p-princess Celestia?"

"That is what most ponies call me," the Princess replied while walking up behind her husband. A soft smile was offered to the pink unicorn before she continued. "What is your name, my little pony?"

"Feather Duster, Your Highness."

"May I see what corrections the machine suggested?"

"Sure! Here!" She offered the papers with a slight squeal. "Princess Celestia is looking over my story!"

"Oh, Mister Flam!" Bean called out. "Where are you going?"

Sergeants Pokey and Clover were more than happy to block Flam's attempt at a stage right retreat. A silent glare made the salespony gulp, and Bean could only imagine he would rather be anywhere but there.

"I was simply going to, um, step aside for a moment, you know, while—"

"Say, while we have a moment, let me ask you something," Bean hopped up onstage and faced the moustache. "Four years ago, you and your brother were in the dishwasher business, right?"

"I do believe we were, Your Highness."

"And in that self same year, you and your brother visited the small hamlet of Salt Lick, did you not?"

"We may have," he replied with a nervous tug on his collar.

"What was that dishwasher called again? The Squeaky Clean Auto… something?"

"—Automated Liquid Dishwasher Unit 3000."

"Ah yes, the S.C.A.L.D.U. That's the one." Bean rubbed the inner part of his left foreleg at the particularly rueful memory. "I remember you told my father that it was called the 'three thousand' because it could do three thousand pieces in an hour."

"Now, see, that was an _upper_ limit. It was never—"

"Funny thing about that machine of yours. It sprayed cold water around pretty well, and it hummed a nice little tune while it did so."

"I believe it is rather difficult to wash dishes adequately with cold water alone," Celestia offered without taking her eyes off the paper in front of her.

"Nigh impossible, really. Oh, the pressure took off the larger particles, but we found that ponies really didn't like tasting the prior meal, and the health inspector wasn't very keen on the lack of sanitary scrubbing. A failing grade is bad for business, you know."

"Ah, well that would be another one of my brother's unscrupulous cutting of corners."

"It wasn't much of a dishwasher, but it sure did a wonderful job cleaning the floors, and the walls, and the ceiling, and me, when the water temperature went high enough to make the hoses burst. I suppose we should have realized the thing would live up to its name. I think I still might be missing a patch of fur on my right hock from the incident."

"Your Highness, while I sympathize with your plight, the S.C.A.L.D.U. was delivered in pristine condition, and I have no way to verify that it was installed properly. The defects you mentioned most likely arose due to operator error, incorrect installation, and/or a possible cross of the streams."

"Oh, really?" Bean replied. "Well, then, I guess the four appliance repairponies and the six plumbers we contacted to get your lemon working again were all wrong in their universal denouncement of the construction of your contraption? We kept the repair bills and their written assessments, so perhaps once we look those over you can tell me what happened, right?"

Bean imagined it was rare for Flam to be at a loss for words.

"Now that I've gotten that off my chest, why don't we try this again: how does this editing machine work?"

"A most worthy question," Celestia replied, and she joined her husband's side with a matching scowl. "The first page of this document is only half correct in the errors it indicates, but every page after that is meaningless red marks. Please open up the machine and allow us to see what makes it work."

Bean could see the look of utter defeat in Flam's eyes while he slowly pulled on the top corner of the device. The whole side wall was gently folded down, and once Bean got a good look at the inner works, he gasped in delight.

"Why, Mister Flim!" he greeted the bashfully smiling unicorn. "What a completely expected surprise to find you in there!"

* * *

As it turned out, the latest Flim Flam scam was rather novel, if somewhat poorly executed. A thorough search of the fraudulent contraption revealed a high-quality camera, dozens of rolls of film—some exposed and some not—a case of red pencils, and one twin brother. The plan was simple: Flim would take the papers, quickly photograph the pages, and then give the first page of whatever had been submitted a quick edit before scribbling on the other pages with red pencil, then feed the 'fixes' back out. Once the convention was over, the brothers had planned to recreate the works from the photographs and present them as their own for publication. Had they been successful, they could have been set for years in royalties alone.

But it had all been undone by one meddling Bean and his Princess, too.

In the end, the brothers refunded the cost of their 'edits', watched as their film was cheerfully pulled out and tossed around like streamers by the guards with whoops of childlike delight, and then sent on their way to Salt Lick—with supervision—to refund the cost of the S.C.A.L.D.U. to _Duke_ Garbanzo.

Bean was annoyed and disappointed when he found he had missed A.K. Yearling's speech while sorting all of this out, but he did feel a bit better when he and Celestia entered one of the private rooms to await Miss Yearling's visit. It was a fair consolation prize, and perhaps he could get a transcript of what she had told the crowd. She was bound to have a few pointers he could use to help his own writing.

"So, what did they need your authorization for?" Bean asked his love while they waited.

"Wysteria was able to locate a full set of the _Daring Do_ series for sale, and she needed my approval to purchase them. It's another one of those silly laws that I need to revise, the number of bits that Wysteria is allowed to spend in my behalf is set too low."

"How many 'silly laws' are there that need to be fixed?"

"I'm inclined to say all of them," she replied with a snort of amusement. "But now you can read the whole series at your leisure. Perhaps Miss Yearling will even be kind enough to autograph them for you."

"Well, thank you," he replied with a quick nip of her neck. "We'll call them an early birthday present."

"Is your birthday coming up?" she asked with a small squee of delight.

"Amusingly enough, it's exactly two weeks after yours."

"Ah!" Celestia cheered with a nuzzle for him. "That makes it easy to remember then, doesn't it?"

"That it does," he replied with a hum of satisfaction, while returning the nuzzle.

They shared a quick kiss when the door swung open, and Bean was a bit disappointed with the first impression of the venerable A.K. Yearling. She seemed timid and meek, her steps were quiet and thoughtful, and her eyes swept over the room in what appeared to be concern from behind her red-rimmed glasses.

"Miss Yearling, thank you so much for meeting with us on such short notice," Celestia warmly offered as the door shut. "I trust things have been well for you as of late?"

Bean sat up a bit straighter. Now that it was just her and them, Miss Yearling's demeanor had perked up noticeably, and a playful twinkle was dancing in her eyes. What was going on?

"Never better, Princess, never better."

"I'm glad to hear that. Allow me to introduce you to my husband, if I may. Miss Yearling, this is Prince Baked Bean, and Bean, this is Miss Yearling. However, you may also know her by her more popular alias:"

Miss Yearling then whipped off her shawl and hat with a dramatic swoop, and her glasses were tossed to one side with a quick shake of her head.

"Daring Do, at your service," Miss Yearling grandly finished, and with a bow. "It's an honor to meet you, Your Highness."

"Wait, wait, wait." Bean shook his head to try and help him process what he had just seen. "Daring Do is real?"

"As real as you are, my Prince," Celestia began to gently explain, "and her novels are not fiction. The stories are real-life events."

"All that stuff really happened?!" Bean replied in awe.

"I might add a few embellishments here and there," Daring Do replied with a short laugh, "but only to enhance the story. Otherwise, yes, everything you read is true."

"Wow. I really need to read them now."

"You haven't read my books?" Daring replied in shock.

"That's going to change pretty quickly, I assure you."

"Huh. Been a long time since I've met a pony who doesn't know my stories inside and out."

"Your first book came out during a difficult point in my beloved's life," Celestia replied. "He wasn't able to fully appreciate the tale."

"Fair enough." Daring shrugged. "I'm afraid I do need to make this quick, Princess. I'm due for a book signing in an hour across town."

"Of course. What do you have to share with us?"

Bean was then privy to one of the greatest meetings he had ever had the pleasure to sit through. Daring Do laid out the main points of her latest struggle against the dreaded but somewhat dim-witted Ahuizotl and his minions, and how she had managed to claim the fabled Bridle of Athena just before the Temple of Themys had caved in on itself. It was unclear if Ahuizotl had been crushed in the collapse, but both Celestia and Daring were of the opinion that he most likely had survived and would be back to cause more havoc.

"Good villains never really disappear, I've noticed," Bean added once the tale had been told. "But I guess that means you'll never have a shortage of stories to write."

"That is one perk, but I really wouldn't mind if he'd lay off the apocalyptic plans for world domination for a while," Daring replied with an annoyed huff.

"Is there anything that we can do to assist you in your endeavors?" Celestia asked. "I can have a company of guards sent up to help patrol the jungle, if you'd like."

"Nah, that's ok." Daring waved a dismissive hoof. "I got this. There's no need to tie up valuable resources with the likes of Ahuizotl."

"Very well," Celestia replied with a nod. "But please remember that the offer stands. I am more than happy to send whatever resources I can to help you in your quests."

"I'll keep that in mind, and thank you. I'll be sure to contact you immediately if I do need reinforcements."

"I appreciate that. However, our time is nearly spent, and I would hate to keep you from your fans."

"Yeah, I should be going," Daring agreed while donning her shawl and glasses again. "My agent will have a fit if I'm late."

"Thank you for your time, Miss Do," Bean added. "But before you go, could I ask a quick favor?"

Daring Do chuckled with Celestia. "You bet. Do you have a quill?"

* * *

"'To Baked Bean, never give up on your writing dreams. You can go far if you'll only try.'"

"A wise statement," Celestia offered while she settled in and draped her wing over him.

"It is. I can't help but wonder what other surprises you have in store for me, though."

"They wouldn't be much of a surprise if I told you, now would they?" Celestia laughed.

"I suppose not," he added with a matching chuckle. "Would you like me to read to you?"

"I would love that, my Bean." Celestia gave him a quick nuzzle and a nip of his ear. "The story will undoubtedly come to life with your voice as the narrator."

"You can give me some acting lessons next, if not," he replied with a warm smile. "Let's see. 'Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone,' by A.K. Yearling. Wait, have I been saying it wrong this whole time?"

Celestia smiled while her magic pulled her copy of the story from a nearby bookshelf. "A.K. Yearling first published the _Sapphire Stone_ in Trottingham with the title of the _Sapphire Statue,_ as you can see on my copy. When it was published here, the title was changed. Both are correct."

"Phew, ok," he replied. "Nothing worse than getting the title of a book wrong, is there?"

"Indeed not," Celestia chuckled, and both of them hummed while she rested her head on his.

"Let's see. 'Chapter 1: The Pegasus Who Lived. It was a dark and stormy night…'"


	11. - Dragon King

Baked Bean slid out of his chambers, across the hall, and into the opposing wall with a satisfying splat. His hooves skittered on the marble floors in a desperate attempt to get moving, and it took an unseen nudge from the butt of the nearby guard's spear to get him reacquainted with traction.

He was late.

"Curse you, Daring Do," Bean grumbled while he finally got moving up to a dead run. "Celly is gonna have me drawn and quartered and turned into glue. Maybe she'll be nice and turn my tail into a violin bow, at least."

Where had it all gone wrong for him? Was it when the bits had been exchanged in Fillydelphia for a pristine, never-before-opened set of the _Daring Do_ anthology, or perhaps the fateful moment had been when Miss A.K. 'Daring Do Is A Real Pony, By The Way' Yearling had put her personalized touch on the title page?

Maybe it had been when he'd started reading to Celestia last night. He'd kept on reading long after she had slid into slumber, and when he'd awoken the next morning, he started right where he'd left off.

That was most likely how it had happened, and then it had cascaded on from there. Celestia had gotten ready for the day while he had read, and with a skillful deployment of the dreaded puppy dog eyes and a soft "just one more chapter, please?" he had managed to keep reading. One chapter, however, had turned into one book later, and now he was two hours late for the subcommittee meeting that he'd promised to be on time to.

Bean hit a corner at full speed during this musing, but his attempt to power slide around was a miserable failure and he managed to ricochet off of two successive pillars with his legs flailing in the air before getting upright again. This was not a good way to begin the day, and he hoped this was not a harbinger of things to come.

He slammed into another wall and narrowly missed a guard as he rounded the final bend and saw the door that lead to his intended target. Success! Celestia would still probably give him a stern look and then lecture him later about being punctual, but that would be preferable to not showing up at all.

When Bean was about eight years old, his mother had suffered a serious fall in the kitchen area of the Zürst and was out of commission for two months. The incident prompted Garbanzo to install slip-resistant flooring in the high risk areas around the preparation stations and stoves, and it had been agreed by all that the working area had been made safer by doing so. This had lead to Bean using the floor as a natural braking mechanism during his many failed attempts at cooking while rushing around, so he still expected the same results when he slammed all four hooves to the ground to stop himself now.

It was just then that he caught sight of a janitor, just to his right, who was whistling a merry melody while he buffed the floor, and Baked Bean imagined he felt the same amount of shock that the staffer was showing while he realized what was coming. Bean's hooves flailed as he desperately tried to find something that would halt his forward momentum, but inertia was decidedly against such nonsense and was far more interested in sending him face first into the door.

Bean managed to prevent his nose from suffering a rather painful boop by throwing his front hooves in front of him at the last moment. He collided at full speed with the oakwood separator of rooms, but then found that he somehow had enough momentum to proceed _through_ the unlocked entryway and into the room. The edge of a finely lacquered cherry wood table finally brought a halt to his skid, but he quickly popped up after he'd been leveled and dove into the conveniently empty chair that was next to him.

"Oh yeah," he groaned, but then he smiled bashfully while he rubbed his ribs with a hoof and made an attempt at catching his breath. "My apologies, everypony, for being late. I'm afraid I got wrapped up in a good book."

"Forgive me, Prince Bean, but I didn't know you were scheduled to attend this meeting with us."

Bean's eyes shrank to pinpricks. That was _not_ Celestia's voice. It was too deep, too masculine.

This was the wrong meeting.

"We are, of course, honored to have you here, my Prince." Blueblood offered from Bean's left. "I'm sure your insights will be of great benefit in helping us settle this rather difficult dispute."

Bean's mind raced for a moment as he tried to recall the itinerary that Wysteria had gone over with them this morning. Curse you, Daring Do! He'd been so absorbed in reading _The Griffon's Goblet_ that he hadn't heard most of what she'd said. There was the subcommittee meeting, and several schools were scheduled to tour the palace today, and… what else?

No more books in the morning for him, he decided.

"Now, shall we resume?" Blueblood turned to a gray, gruff, and burly pony on his left that had day old stubble on his chin and a yellow hard hat. "I believe we were negotiating dental benefits, were we not?"

"Yeah. We're not budging on this. We have to have the orthodontia limits increased."

"I'm afraid that is just not feasible," a blue pony in a suit and tie across from him replied. "The tertiary costs alone will drive up premiums to a level that you have stated previously to be unacceptable."

It was going to be a _long_ morning.

* * *

"Now I want everypony to stay close together!" Cheerilee called out to her class while doing a quick headcount. "As you can see, today is a very busy day here in the palace, and I don't want anypony getting lost. Do you all have your buddies?"

"Yes, Miss Cheerilee," her class droned back.

"Good. No matter what, stay with your buddy, all right? If we should happen to get separated, stay where you are and with your buddy, and either I will find you or one of the nice Royal Guardsponies will help you to find us."

"What if the Princess finds us first?" Scootaloo asked.

"I'm pretty sure you can trust Princess Celestia," Cherilee laughed.

"D'ya think we'll meet her today?" Applebloom looked upwards, seemingly in the hope of watching her arrive right at that very moment.

"I wouldn't count on it, but you never know," Cheerilee replied while motioning with her hoof for her class to follow her. "She is very busy with her duties, after all. I'm not even sure she is in Canterlot right now."

"Well, it's not like we haven't met her before," Sweetie Belle observed. "She's been to Ponyville a dozen times, at least."

"Pretty impressive, eh?" Scootaloo remarked, her wings buzzing slightly in excitement, as she gave a shove to a blue colt who was lagging towards the back of the huddle. "Ponyville may not be Manehattan, but we sure got on the map when Rainbow Dash and her friends started saving Equestria."

If the newest addition to little school house was impressed, he didn't show it. If anything, the cheerful bragging of his fellow student seemed to have the opposite effect. He seemed almost rigid, taut like a bowstring. What movement he made was that of someone expecting to be attacked, but remaining aloof and cool about it.

"Have you ever seen the Princess, Flint?" His 'buddy' for the day, a little grey unicorn filly chirped from his side.

His gaze went further distant, as if he was remembering something, before his amber eyes fell on the filly. "Once," he practically hissed.

"She is _so_ cool, isn't she?" The filly bounced in place in excitement. "Do you think we will see her?"

"I only hope I have something to throw if we do," he snarled under his breath.

"Like… flowers?" She wondered.

"Or a brick. But I suppose some in a vase will suffice." The little stallion's posture remained unwavering, completely lacking the carefree nature of his classmates, making him altogether… unnatural.

"Oooookay." This answer puzzled the filly known as Dinky Hooves, like much of how her new classmate talked. But Flint was new, and her mommy always said that she needed to treat new ponies in the community like how she would want to be treated.

"Everypony, follow me please!" Cheerilee called out. "We are going to begin our tour with the throne room, and then we'll move on towards the Grand Ballroom, with a quick peek into one of the conference rooms. From there, we'll move out into the gardens, and I expect you to be on your best behavior."

Cheerilee's gaze was squarely on three blank flanked fillies, and all three found the marble floor beneath their feet to be the most interesting thing in the world at that moment. Sweeping ahead, Cheerilee led her little throng of eager minds. This would be her eighth trip to the palace—fifth one as a teacher—and while she did feel this class was a hoof full at times, she had faith that a brisk pace and a packed schedule would prevent any chance for mischief.

Like dutiful ducks, the fillies and colts filed after her as the tour proper began, save one. The pony known by most as Flint Hearthstone further glowered as he glanced around the immaculate perfection around him, and he couldn't help but blanch at it all.

_How long did it take you to build these spires, so arrogantly confident that no one would dare have them crash down and make them your tomb?_ The polished gilding and decadence about him only fueled his disgust. _If I still had my old form I would burn this obelisk of your pride, and send the ruin smashing down into the valley below._

His gaze drifted to the floor, and an unbidden but not unwelcome snarl emerged from his throat. Anypony else looking with him would of seen a mirror image of a grumpy looking colt taking in his own visage. But the child saw more, as he always did. He saw the visage of the soul that was now bound to this scrawny meat sack, his massive scaled hide stretching across the vast floor, his wings spreading far beyond the bounds of the hallway, his steel talons clenching the marble, yearning to crush it into powder, his fangs glistening in the sunlight that drifted in through the window. His eyes remained the same, the same burning amber fire that had failed to extinguish over a millennia ago, when the sisters had seemingly slain him with that rock from the aether above. Yet he lived, he breathed. At the cost of nearly a thousand years, and—

"Heelllooo?"

With a start, Flint's gaze went back to the present.

"Hey? Get stuck on something shiny?" Dinky asked as she tilted her head.

Flint only offered a harrumph as he plodded forward, practically stomping, as if he were much heavier. Dinky simply shrugged at her buddy's actions before bounding off to catch up with him and the rest of the class.

_You have grown careless in your centuries, witch,_ Flint groused while he moved forward. _Had I been in your stead, I would know you were here by now and I would have dispatched you, and any of those you were with._

Flint then stopped. A spiral staircase off to one side was unguarded, save for a thick velvet rope held aloft by two brass stands. Ideas began to form and churn within his head, and after a moment, a wicked smile began to appear.

"Woah, you smile?" Dinky asked.

"Only when I have a reason to. Tell me, Dinky, what do you think is up that staircase?"

"I dunno," she shrugged again. "I suppose that's where the private bedrooms and stuff are."

"I do believe you are right, and all of the sudden, I feel a burning need to introduce myself to 'Princess' Celestia. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Well, yeah, but we're supposed to stay with Miss Cheerilee."

"Then stay with her. I'm going." Flint began to march over to the stairs. "Don't come looking for me."

Dinky twisted her head back between the rapidly retreating class and the departing Flint. She knew she shouldn't wander off, but she had been told to stay with her buddy.

"Flint, wait!" she finally called out, and her hooves scampered across the floor. "I'm coming too!"

There was an audible groan, and Flint's shoulders slumped for a moment. "Dinky, if you get in my way …"

"Oh, I won't get in the way. I wanna meet the Princess too."

Flint rolled his eyes, but he realized this could be advantageous. Dinky was naive and young, and she would most likely remain unaware of his true motives. She could also perform the part of a lookout, not that he needed one, and at the very least he could probably devise some reason to get rid of her once he figured out where Celestia was.

"Flint, do you think we'll meet Prince Bean too?"

"Prince Bean?" he asked. His mind took a moment to recall that detail, but then he sneered. As he was now, he stood no chance at striking a direct blow to the white witch. But the heart was one of the most sensitive parts of a pony, after all…

"I think there could be a very good chance of that, Dinky. In fact, I think I'd like to meet him first. I haven't had the chance to introduce myself to him yet."

* * *

Well, that was two hours of Bean's life that he'd never get back.

Bean took a moment to stretch his right leg once he'd exited the room, and he rubbed his still-sore ribs. He'd hit the table with quite a bit of velocity, and he was going to be feeling that impact for a few more days.

But, at least the negotiations had been concluded, and with most everypony happy with the end result. Bean didn't believe he had been much help during the discussions, but it did seem like his presence had kept tempers from flaring out of control, and perhaps a few concessions had been made that might not otherwise have been. He had been impressed with how Blueblood had handled both himself and the negotiations, and he had wondered once or twice if he could ever reach that level of skill. He was sure Celestia would teach him how to do so, of course, but a small part of him was worried that his inability to multitask would hamper his efforts in that regard. There were so many moving pieces in any negotiation, so many ins and outs to keep track of. Even the exact wording and the tone a pony used was important, vital even. The subtle clues that all ponies gave off had clearly shown Blueblood where to press and where to relax.

He shook his head and began walking back towards his room. There was no point in worrying about such things now, he had a wife to apologize to. He didn't think she'd be mad at him, but she probably would be disappointed. He wasn't looking forward to her inevitable lecture, but he knew he needed to take it and to learn from the incident.

But for now, he really wanted some food. He would most likely find his beloved in the dining room, ordering lunch, and the thought of a hearty meal did pick up his spirits some. His stomach had protested the lack of breakfast throughout the meeting, and a nice dandelion salad sounded rather good at the moment.

"Good morning, sir," Sergeant Clover offered to him with a quick salute.

Bean let out a small startled gasp. "How long have you been there?"

"This whole time, sir."

"I am both reassured and a little scared that you managed to hide out like that."

"It's part of the job, sir," she smirked. "How was your meeting? It took me a moment to figure out where you went."

"Long, but beneficial I think. Maybe I should crash in on the wrong meeting more often."

"I think you might want to just walk in on them, sir. You won't bruise as many ribs that way."

"You make a very valid point," he replied, but then he noticed something was a bit off about the guard standing next to Clover. "You're not Sergeant Pokey, are you?"

"SIR, NO SIR!" the guard bellowed with as much force as she possibly could. "Private Lemon Tart, at your service sir!"

"Private Tart is fresh out of Basic, sir," Sergeant Clover explained with a slight sigh while Bean rubbed his ears. "Top of her class, high marks in aerial maneuvers and close-range combat technique. The top five cadets out of basic are rewarded with the opportunity to guard either Princess for a few days, but Lieutenant Spear Point agreed to include you as part of that at the request of the cadets. She's with me until Sergeant Pokey returns from vacation."

"Well, it's nice to have you here, Private," Bean offered. "I'm sure you'll be a tremendous asset."

"SIR, THANK YOU, SIR!"

"I gotta give you points for enthusiasm." Bean rubbed his ears again. "How long will Pokey be out, Clover?"

"Three days, sir. Once he gets back, Tart will be sent off for advanced training, and eventually she'll be put in the rotation for Princess detail."

Bean nodded in understanding and turned his attention back to the newbie. "Well, if you're going to stay with me then we need to establish a few rules."

"Sir, what rules, sir?!"

"First off, no more shouting. I'm right here. I know drill sergeants love that kind of stuff but I'm not a fan of that so much."

"Sir, I will tone it down, sir."

"There we go, I like that," Bean replied with a smile. "Second main thing is to relax. You should enjoy this opportunity, and learn as much as you can from Sergeant Clover Leaf. She has a lot of good advice and practical tips she can share with you."

"Sir, I'll be sure to ask her lots of questions, sir."

"Good. Now, I'm hungry, and I really should find my wife. I am willing to bet she wants to know where I got off to. Clover, is there any chance you could go find out where she is for me while I go get something to eat?"

"Sure thing, sir. I need to introduce Tart anyway. I'll have her rendezvous with you in the dining room."

Bean nodded to that and then made for the nearest path to the kitchen. He chuckled a bit as his ears focused on the steady din that was invading from the main floor upwards, and from the volume, it sounded like the school tours were a resounding success. Perhaps he could talk Celestia into making an appearance; he was pretty extra sure the little fillies and colts would love to have what could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet her in the flesh.

They might be mildly interested in him, but his beloved would definitely be the focus.

He was grateful that the upper floors had been cordoned off and secured; it made it much easier to procure food, and it was beyond a fair bet to assume that Luna would not appreciate visitors at the moment. He could also imagine the bedlam that would happen if a rather adventurous child did somehow manage to stow away in his own bed.

With a chuckle for such thoughts, Bean pushed the door to the dining room open. At this time of day, the cooks should be barrel deep in their preparations for lunch, and it would probably be twice as bad with the extra visitors around and about today. From what he could see, the clean-up from breakfast had been as efficient as always, and all was peaceful and still, but also Celestia free. Perhaps he could make a reconciliatory lunch for Celestia, to help her forgiveness of his tardiness. It was hard to be mad at a pony who had made something delicious.

However, he found that he was not as alone as he thought he was. A grey unicorn filly was sitting in a chair near one of the ends of the table, an apple in hoof and a happy smile on her face.

"Well, hello there!" Bean smiled while he approached, but he also glanced around. "Who might you be?"

"I'm Dinky," she stated simply. "Are you Prince Bean?"

"I am. Do your parents work here, sweetie?"

"Nah, my mommy's a mailmare back home."

"Ah, I see," he replied. "And where is that at?"

"Ponyville."

"Is she here with you on the tour?" he asked gently. Obviously she had gotten lost somehow, but she didn't seem to be terribly concerned about it. It would only take a moment to reunite her with her mother, or her teacher, and then all would be well.

"No, I'm here with Miss Cheerilee," she replied while stuffing the core of the apple into her mouth. "Well, me and Flint that is."

"Oh?" he asked with a chuckle. This little filly was too adorable with her cheeks puffed out from the apple like a chipmunk's would be. "And where is he at?"

"He's right behind you."

"He is?" Bean asked, but when he turned to look something connected with his head, and a field of stars filled his vision for a moment before he blacked out.

* * *

Bean groaned as consciousness decided to take a turn with being in charge, and his head throbbed something fierce. "Ooh. What hit me?"

"A frying pan, if you really must know."

Bean's ears swiveled to the source of the noise in the darkness. It was a small colt's voice, yet it held a deep undercurrent of anger, malice, and contempt. Bean had never heard such diametrically opposed tones blended together in such a way, and he attempted to twist his body so as to make a visual connection to this odd finding.

This ended quickly in failure when Bean found he was sitting in a chair and was secured to it with what felt like a strong and lengthy piece of rope. He pulled and tugged for a moment, but the laugh of amused contempt that came from the darkness that surrounded him caused a pause.

"Oh, please. Struggle all you like," the voice offered. "You have no idea how much I like watching my prey squirm."

"Who are you? What is going on?" Bean demanded. "Release me right now! When Princess Celestia finds out what you've done, you're going to be in big trouble, young colt!"

"Oh, I'm rather counting on that." A single light then flicked on over Bean, and he blinked rapidly at the suddenness of it. "In fact, I hope she hurries. I did promised Dinky we would be back in time to tour the gardens."

"I wanna see the bird fountains!" Dinky's voice emanated from somewhere.

"Quite. It'd be a shame if she missed out on that, wouldn't it, _Your Highness?_"

For some reason, Bean could _hear_ the owner of the voice curl his upper lip into a sneer. And it was not that good of a sneer either.

"Who are you?" Bean repeated. This time, a small blue colt with a blondish-red mane stepped into the light with a smug grin, and in his right hoof he held what appeared to be a skillet.

"Who am I?" he asked. "Well, for starters, I'm the one who beaned you with a frying pan. It's a little embarrassing to be taken out by just a small little colt like me, isn't it?"

"That's not a frying pan."

The colt blinked once. "What?"

"You took me out with a skillet, not a frying pan. See, a frying pan is shallow, has low sides and a long handle, while a skillet has high sides, is at least two inches deep, has varying lengths of handles, and can have a lid on it. That skillet you've got is an Inferno and Rossi, the highest quality cast iron skillet on the market. It's also heavy as Tartatus, which explains how you managed to knock me out. It really doesn't take a lot of force with something that heavy—"

"Fascinating!" he snarled, his patience clearly dwindling. "Truly. Had I but known my grievous error I would have hit you harder," the colt threatened with a forceful tap of Bean's nose.

"Flint!" Dinky protested. "You said we weren't going to hurt him!"

"My plans do not require it; that is not to say I won't." His teeth curled back in a sneer as his eyes bore into the captured prince.

"C'mon, Flint. Be nice. You said you wanted to meet him, not clobber him."

Flint rolled his amber eyes. "It's always been impossible to find good help. This is why I work alone."

"So, what's your plan then?" Bean dared to ask. "You obviously foalnapped me…" the mere concept of being napped by actual foals interrupted his thoughts at the irony before he was able to get back on track, "to get at Celestia, but why?"

If Bean didn't already have a headache, he would have gained one from hearing such a young colt cackle in such a cruelly malicious manner. "My plan is simple, Highness. You are missing, and the ivory sow that you call wife will naturally wonder where you have gotten to. I plan on making her _personal_ acquaintance once she does find her way in here."

Bean shook his head at the implied threats this little miscreant was spouting. "What in Equestria could Celestia have done to _you_ to warrant all this?"

Flint's eyes lit up with an inner rage, and his face contorted into a fierce scowl. "What did she do?! I'll tell you what she did! Her ponies infringed upon my borders; invaded my lands! She dared to challenge my supremacy, and then! Then! She condemns me to this accursed form, a mere shadow of what I once was! I was a King, Lord of all fire drakes! A creature of such horrible glory that all who knew me feared and trembled, but now?! Her sin is condemning me to a body that is subject to her whims and proclamations! I will make her pay for her insolence, and her dark sister as well! They _will_ feel my fury! They will—"

"Flint?" Dinky tapped his shoulder.

"What did I tell you?" His posture did not falter even as his tone fell to a hiss.

"Don't interrupt when you're monologuing?"

"And what are you doing?"

Bean could actually see some of the veins in his eyes turn bright red and bulge slightly.

"But it's an emergency."

Immediately, his eyes went wide and he spun around, skillet at the ready, only to find nothing.

"No, not that."

"What then?" he all but roared.

"I need to use the little filly's room," she whispered while scratching a hoof on the floor.

Flint went to dumbfounded annoyance with enough speed to shear a tree clean in half. "Didn't I tell you to go when we got up here?"

"Yeah, but I didn't have to go then."

"You're going to have to hold it. We have to wait here for Celestia."

Dinky clearly did not like this option. She began to dance slightly with her rear legs crossed, and a whimper eeked out in a rhythmic match to her 'I need to go now' shuffle.

"Oh, slag it all!" Flint groaned. "Fine! But make it quick. If we miss Celestia because of this…"

"I'll be fast, Flint, really!"

From his position in the chair Bean did his best not to laugh at the sheer absurdity of what was going on. He should be afraid, he knew, but this kid was clearly off his nut, and his story might even be true. Magic did tend to do weird things like this. Still, he couldn't really see a reason to be all that afraid, considering that Celestia had greater reach than this 'fiend'. For a moment, the amusing image of his wife holding back Flint with one hoof on his forehead while he flailed in vain to hit her crossed his mind, but he decided it would be best not to share his thoughts at the moment.

"Don't go anywhere, _Highness_." Flint cackled back to Bean while the two left.

Bean immediately began to try to extricate himself from his bonds as soon as the door shut. Celestia had mentioned she was going to show what to do if he should ever find himself tied up, but they had not yet gotten to that lesson, much to his detriment. His mind began working furiously as he tried to figure this out, and he wiggled back and forth in an effort to squirm free. His rocking, sadly did little for him other than to nearly send him crashing onto his side.

"Ok, Bean. New strategy," he muttered. "What else can you do?"

His stomach decided that now was a wonderful time to remind him that it was still empty, but the growling pain gave him an idea. He dropped his head down to the ropes that held his barrel against the chair, and he took a deep sniff.

Hemp rope. Not very tasty, but he could chew through it.

Immediately his teeth went to work. The texture left much to be desired, and it could really use some basil, a dash of allspice, and perhaps even some salt, but it was breaking under his jaw power and that was all he really cared about at the moment. With just a few more snips, he should be able to…

"Don't break free just yet."

"Luna?!" Bean squeaked, and he let out a deep sigh of relief when he saw her cyan irises appear a short distance away from him. "You have no idea how happy I am to see you! Quick, help me get untied before that little maniac gets back here!"

"Not yet, Bean," she admonished. "If he comes back in here and finds you untied, he might do something rash. I will take care of him, trust me. Remain as you are for the moment."

Bean started to protest, but then he realized what she was saying was true. Luna could ambush Flint if he returned and found nothing amiss. He really wasn't keen on the idea, but he forced himself to relax.

"Does Celly know what is going on?"

"She does. Now be quiet. He returns."

Her eyes disappeared, and the door of the room swung open again. Dinky bounded in with a happy little hum, and Flint followed closely behind with something in his hoof. Once the door was secured again, he turned back to Bean and chuckled.

"I'm not sure if I'm impressed or disappointed, Highness. You follow orders well, but you really should have tried to escape. But since we are on a time limit here, I'm afraid we need to expedite things and get that witch of yours up here."

The thing in Flint's hoof glinted in the light for a quick moment, but Bean cocked his head to one side once he was able to get a good look at it.

"Is that a potato peeler?"

"Flint couldn't reach the knives," Dinky offered.

"Silence!" Flint shouted.

"Well, you couldn't," Dinky huffed.

"This works for my needs," Flint threatened while hopping up on a stool next to Bean. "You'll scream all the same when your skin is peeled away from your hide, will you not?"

"No," Bean stated firmly. "Not for a little psycho like you."

"Let's find out, shall we—eeee!"

Luna's magic held Flint aloft in the air while simultaneously separating him from his weapon of fur removal, and a deep frown was on her face when the shadows that had been concealing her dropped from view.

"It has been a long time, King Xedranen," she offered in a cool and even voice. "You are looking well."

"RELEASE ME! MOON HAG!" Flint raved while he twisted and churned in her magic. "You and your accursed sister are the reason I'm like this, aren't you?! I will have my vengeance! I will not sleep until—"

"Sleep."

Bean blinked in amazement as Flint's body instantly went limp. "I didn't know you could do that."

"It is useful to know how to help a troubled mind return to slumber," Luna offered.

"You know, for a craven little psychopath, he's kinda cute when he sleeps," Bean offered dryly, before breaking the rope with a final snip of his teeth.

"Indeed he is, and he is already dreaming."

"Really? That can't be a pretty sight."

Luna shook her head once with her eyes closed. "Actually, it is quite pleasant. He is dreaming of a picnic. It is a recent one in Manehattan, one with…"

"With who, Lulu?" Celestia asked from behind Bean. He gave a gasp of delight, and the two nuzzed each other affectionately.

"With his parents, his _pony_ parents. Perhaps there may be hope for him yet."

"Are you alright, my love?" Celestia asked while her magic wrapped around him and began checking for injuries.

"I think I'm fine," he replied. "Bump on my head, but he bruised my ego mostly."

"Can we play a different game now?" Dinky pouted from her place in the corner.

* * *

Flint blinked a few times as the effects of Luna's sleep spell began to wear off. He was no longer in the darkened storage room that he had commandeered, but once his eyes focused in on the white tormentor of his existence before him, he completely forgot everything that he had been planning.

"YOU!" he roared with an attempt to fling himself at the focal point of his hatred, but he went nowhere. It was then that he realized he was in the dining room again, and he was being restrained in a high chair, of all things. He growled and pulled at the magical restraints that held him while Celestia watched calmly, but after a few moments of failure he finally stopped and folded his arms tightly.

"Well?" he huffed.

"Well what?" Celestia replied.

"Come on! Do it!"

"Very well, if you insist," Celestia replied with a deep sigh. She then slowly lifted her right hoof, and…

"Boop," she giggled.

Flint scrunched up his muzzle and bit at the retreating hoof with an audible chomp. He further writhed against his restraints as well while he attempted to wipe away the offensive moosh of his nose. "ENOUGH! Use your infernal magic, lobotomize me! Render me into one of your simpering fleabags!"

"Hey, _this_ fleabag made cookies," Bean offered while entering the room with a fresh tray of slightly-steaming goodness in his hot-mitted hooves.

"Are they poisoned?" Flint sneered.

"Chocolate chip, actually."

"So," Celestia offered with a calm smile, "I say the four of us should enjoy some fresh cookies and milk, and then we send you and Miss Dinky on your way."

"Flint, you've got to try one!" A milk mustachio'd Dinky offered while holding a round disk of bliss in one hoof, and a glass of perfectly chilled milk in the other. "These things are _amazing_!"

"You can't be serious," Flint replied to the diarch. "You're letting me go?! Why would you do such a foolhardy thing?"

"Because you are just a child."

"You dare—"

"You cannot possibly beat me as you are," Celestia offered with such an unnatural edge in her voice that it made Bean cower slightly. "If I so wished, I could crush you with just a thought. But I will not do that, not to a child. I am not like you."

It was almost imperceptible, but Bean did catch the slight wince that Flint could not stop.

"I will thus make you this promise before my husband, O fallen Dragon King of Zerilith. In twenty years' time, I will face you, should you still desire to exact your revenge. Until then, you are free to live your life as you choose. Grow up, grow strong, and make friends. You may find life to be far more fulfilling if you do so."

Flint snorted derisively at this, but otherwise remained silent. Bean watched as the diminutive overlord pondered this with his eyes downcast for a moment, only for them to flick back up. Despite his wife dwarfing him by hilarious degrees, the colt's stare flared with an intense energy held behind his amber eyes that was matched by the fire behind Celestia's own magenta irises.

"I accept."

"Wonderful. Now, let us celebrate this… blood oath, I suppose, with some chocolate chip goodness."

* * *

"Ok. I know you explained this all to me, but could we run over it again?" Bean asked his beloved while they watched Flint and Dinky walk away under the intense glare and frown of Miss Cheerilee. "I got lost at a few points."

"Nine year old Flint Hearthstone was once King Xedranen, the self-proclaimed King of all Dragons," Celestia started. "He was one of the first foes Luna and I squared off against after we came to power, and our efforts to stop his reign of terror at that time nearly cost us our lives. Had we failed, he would have decimated our fledgling kingdom." Her eyes didn't leave the retreating sight of her one time enemy, but with him now gone she allowed a shudder loose at the memory. "He was a cunning and formidable foe, and he cared for nothing but his own power and comfort. We were only able to defeat him thanks to a meteor Luna was able to pluck from the heavens. The crater still exists in the Badlands if you would like to see it."

"That might be interesting, but that also reaffirms my desire never to make your sister mad," Bean remarked. "What I really don't understand is how he made it here to our day, and why you're letting him go if he is such a threat."

"I do not know how his soul became bound to pony form, but I can only assume that the forces of Harmony have something to do with it. For all of his talk of being a King, he ruled over none and had none to call his own, and I believe his own misery is what fed his anger. He now has the opportunity to try again, to find the magic of friendship. I let him go with the hope that he might be able to find something better than what he had."

"Do you really think somepony like that has a chance? He seemed pretty set on inflicting harm on you."

"I believed Discord could be reformed," she offered with a small smile. "There's hope for Flint, just as there is for any creature. It will be up to him to choose friendship, of course, but I believe even he has some good in him. We need to look no further than his cutie mark for an indication of what he could be."

"A dragon and a shield?"

"It's in the details, love," she offered. "The dragon was spitting fire, but it was _towards_ the shield. He is meant to be a protector, but the true telling point will be what he places _behind_ the shield. What will be so important that he feels that he needs to protect it from what he once was, or what he thinks he is?"

"I guess that makes sense. Hopefully he chooses well."

"I have confidence that he will. But what is _really_ troubling you?"

"It's… well…" he stalled out with shame. "Some Prince I turned out to be. Isn't it me who is supposed to rescue the damsel from the dragon?"

"I never did care much for those stories. They usually didn't really reflect reality all too well."

"No?"

She shook her head gently. "Not at all. My favorite version, in fact, is when the dragon is rescued by the knight."

Bean tried not to look too surprised while he played the words over in his head. Once he had sifted through her words for sarcasm and came back empty hooved, he dared to look back at her and her smirk.

"True story, I presided at their wedding. They made a lovely donkey and dragon together, and had a fine clutch of dronkies."

"Now that would be something to see," he sighed in thought. "I also suppose none of this would have happened if I had been on time this morning."

"Maybe it was for the best," she replied with a nip of his ear, "and you're not the first to get lost in a good book. It will make for a funny story for the kids someday."

"Kids?"

"You did say Flint was cute when he sleeps," she replied with a twinkle in her eye. "And your mother still wants grandfoals, after all."

A month ago the idea of her suggesting offspring would have made him a blushing mess, but between the rough start, the rough meeting, the rough abduction and the attempted potato skin peeling, he was willing to be a bit daring.

"Good point. Come here."

"W-what?" She leaned away from him with a slightly wild look in her eyes.

"You heard me. C'mere."

"Bean, we have a meeting in an hour," she squeaked in a most unprincessly manner while he nipped at her neck, but her smile stuck.

"Yeah we do." He lunged towards her, only for her to bound up and dodge him. His smile was… predatory. It was thrilling.

She squealed as he pursued her, literally nipping at her heels as they retreated down the hallway.

The chase was on.


End file.
